Changing World

Whats going on wit the world today/
everyday something goes wrong and i have to pray/
So many people getting shot/
So many bodies laying around ready to rot/
Destruction scars our "modern" earth/
War has begun its re-birth/
Evolution is ongoing/
Right now hurricanes are brewing/
Tornadoes rip the mid-west/
Bullets tare thru thugz chests/
Earthquakes roar thru california/
Although to late, the weather channel tries to warn ya/
Nuclear weopons are being designed/
The govornment was formed to control ya mind/
Global warming is near in the future/
aerosol cans are still a popular feature (cuase of global warming)/
Not a thing we can do/
All these statements are true/

YouRs Truly, Evolution

i like this good flow

Thank you very much

this piece was weak, weak structure, no multis, bad flow.....4/10

ppl have different oppions

Cha-ching where u comin from? the structure was flawless, wat did u not understand? and what multis are you talking about, you dont need multis to have a good piece, and you prolly don even kno how to make anything flow cuz i found this easy to flow wit and obviously baby did too, but thanks for the feedbak anyway

yah i liked it. the flow was cool and the structure didn't seem to have nuttin wrong wit it. Nice shit. keep it cummin'

{*_nice_*}

Lines could have been longer on the whole. The rhyming was basic for text. The other reviewer mentioned multis because that can help it to stand out and be more complex as a written. For future topics, try to think smaller. You were real general, could have went into more description in certain areas.

tyvm guyz and carl that was very helpfull feedback, now i kno what i have to work on, unlike the other dude he didn't help nothing out. thanx again guyz

nice i liked the message behind it the flow n the rhymes were all 9/10

Thanx Mcl nice rating :yes:

this wouldve been more interesting if you wouldve had more aggressive vocabualry to it, and more decent shit liked more described things that happen.. you had basic shit in this though. you had a good flow, your topic was hot but jus needs to be explained more drastically.. good

The Flow to me was off, but the rhymes were
ok, i understood what u were saying, but it took
some time to understand, you have plenty poteintal
and u i think u can live up to ur name (Evolution)
keep dropin open mics and you'll get their

Thanx moral that was useful feedback, although only the composer knows how to flow wit it, but i get wat ya sayin, thanks alot

More feedback please :nerd:

uppin for feedback

uppin again

no body has anything else to add? no posotive or negative feedback?

bump

more say than text...

it maybe seemed like it needed something else between statements, maybe sum imagery/scenery or something to paint a bigger picture and stop the statements being on top of eachother and seeming repetitive..

it does also have some good poetic valuesas well tho in the form its in...
bit short as well tho.. just maybe try to give sum kind of imagery with the statements
bigger picture ish

check out my link-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234988

1

Vortex ok thanks thats a new idea havn't heard that before, ty

vortex mind helping me close the battle in my sig by the way?

decent start Evo

you have the basics down as in you know what your writing about and how to do it in a simple way

your piece lacked substance though in several aspects
the scheme or structure of the verse was very simple and didnt engage me as a reader
the imagery wasn't brilliant, work on wordng and try to paint a picture of whats happening
flow was ok, basic too but you could use some multies to help with the flow

overall not bad for a newcomer, only way to improve is to read other peoples stuff and work on your own writing

fin

yo wuld u mind showin me what u mean by multi such as an example

evolution, the rhyme scheme was too basic, i recommend you work on a more difficult one, cause this rhyme scheme with very few words each line, limits the content on each line. which leads me to to say.... i beleive you should try and put more content behind your ideas; itll make the overall strength of yer piece better. and even though yer ideas were true, they were just generally stated and not so interesting to read when its like that. from looking at this concept wise, you have mad potential, you just need to polish up on yer foundations: rhyme scheme, vocab, and multis. keep it up mang.

yo man, i liked the content, the message you were bringin, but like most these other cats (i say 'most' loosely) i ain't in wit the style. maybe like you say in your earlier post, only the rhymer knows his own rhyme.

i wouldn't fault it too much, i reckon with it bein such a deep subject though it needed to actually be a more deep rhyme, you got a brief message across but i think everyone will agree that you leave a lot to the imagination, you leave us askin questions and wantin more.

maybe that's a good thing though, shows u got interest. keep on keepin on g

peace, one

plat

Partnerz In Crime

Thanks for thee feed, I sould work on a part 2 and merge everyones ideas, and i shuld add an emcee to feature in it

Good Flow The Structure Was Off And The Story Could've Been Betta Put More Detail Into Ur Verse And Try To Add Some Emotion Make Ppl Feel Like They Can Relate To The Story This Was A Good Om But U Can Do Betta But Overall Good Job

thanks, one

up....If anyone minds, i need 1 more vote to close the battle in my link, can any1 spend a minute of there time to judge it? thanks i appreciate it

yeh this wasnt as good as i thought it would be, the title of the peice was good, but your verse was lacking everything. not much imagery or creativity, some things werent really needed. elevate some more.

leave feed.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235689

arite i get wat ure sayin, i didn't really take the time out that i should have to make an in depth piece tho, thx

upin for more feed

uppin this for more feed

well. shit looked hot to me.
nothing really wrong.
would need a beat, a hook, and another verse. lol

But then again, im white, waht do I know about rap? ha!

nah but fa real, shits cool.

The only thing I was feeling on this was the flow... I could definitley catch it. That being said I felt it was too basic, vocab just wasnt there. Be more descriptive in future. Multi's wouldve helped this 'stand out' as someone else said. My personal view is drop the slashes (makes you look illterate) but thats up to you. Average drop, you can improve.

Elevate. FLow was weak, Structure was weak, No vocab, No multies, No wordplay. Rhymes were a lil wack also. It was too simple for me. Overall I can say is elevate.

yo u guyz r right this is 1 of my earliest pieces...now if i made a v-2 to this it wuld be much more improved, anyway its been a long ass minute before i had more feed...get at it thx

werdd...no body likes me? :-(