The Flame (Feel Me)

Intro:
I Want Everybody To Feel Me on This...Everybody Lite up Your Reefer..Grab Your 151 and Take That Shitt Straight Cuz Everybody Need To Feel Me on This One.....



I Don't Know Wether To Be Affraid or Embrace The Change..
Confused in My Mind, Things Change, and Things Feel Strange...
an Even Exchange, My Life and All of My Things..
For A Chance To Walk Free Through The Valley of Kings...
See Thy Wings, See The World, Incredible Beings...
Stand Without Strings, We All Gott Incredible Dreams..
Sippin From Streams Gives Us Strength in Spiritual Means..
We All Walk The Same Line Like Programmed Machines..
The Earth Spins, The Night Slowly Fades To Light..
It Represents Our Life, EveryTime We Struggle and Fight..
It May Seem Cold and Dark, But It’s Gonna Be Alright..
The Sun Come Up Everyday, Bright Providing The Light..
Guiding us Right, Keeping Dreams Alive in our Sight..
We Gotta Spark The Flame of Life That We All Strive To Ignite..
Alive on The Mic, Survivin The Plight, Grippin my Pen..
Listen Again, A Silent Revolution Ascends..
Quiet Wars, Feel Remorse, For Lifes That Come To an End..
and Innocent Men, With 25 To Life in the Pen..
Lett’s Take it Back To The Creation of Man.. Put Together By Hand..
Made From Earths Dirt, Clay, and It’s Sand..
Givith a Name, Give us Destiny That We Claim..
Give us Power To Move Forward, Please Lord Givith The Flame....

*.*.*. FeedBack Please .*.*.*.*

ight, i first read it, it was alright, lit up on da bag, it was good mane, good ryhmes, good flow, i really fely it mane

Thank You.... Any Ideas on Improvement??

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228490

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=225499

not bad dunn...i liked the intro to ya whole piece..this mid came kinda weak to me....ya wordplay in the beginning was coo and inspiring...but the mid seemed a lil dull..the end of ya piece is whatsup...the Divinity himself...he is the one who will lead us on the right path to all of our dreams...

igido

Ehh still need some elavation but it delivered a message nice piece overall keep droppin

this has got to be one of the best flowing pieces iv ever read the the rhymes were sweet as well

Thanks For The Feedback..I'ma Keep Tyrna Elevate My Skillz... Stay up Ya'll

Unauthorized lets battle ,you seam ight ..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yung-City

Unauthorized lets battle ,you seam ight ..

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Aight..i'm Down,I Dunno How To Do it...But Lemme Know When

ok?

For A Chance To Walk Free Through The Valley of Kings...
See Thy Wings, See The World, Incredible Beings...
Stand Without Strings, We All Gott Incredible Dreams..
Sippin From Streams Gives Us Strength in Spiritual Means..
We All Walk The Same Line Like Programmed Machines..

-fuckin dope...thats shit was shakin my vision it was so hard-


Guiding us Right, Keeping Dreams Alive in our Sight..
We Gotta Spark The Flame of Life That We All Strive To Ignite..

-I said damn.....one more time....DAMN! Ill set of bars-

Alive on The Mic, Survivin The Plight, Grippin my Pen..
Listen Again, A Silent Revolution Ascends..
Quiet Wars, Feel Remorse, For Lifes That Come To an End..
and Innocent Men, With 25 To Life in the Pen..

-That shit is phenominal DAMN CUZ..


This shit was dope man..I'm really feelin this piece for some reason..Keepin postin dawg I'mm keep replying :)

thanks homie

yeah loved the flow good shit keep it comin

Its, ok. Ill leave good feed later.

up.

Decent Drop

Good structure which gave it a nice flow...
Vocab was ok could've been upped slightly...
Worded nicely given a good message...
Very creative..I see u have a good imagination...
The message was delivered nice and clear....

up...

is this robbo????

yo i like ya style it sounds alot like soem shit ive dropped on OM with the use of complicated words and metaphores

but i thought the flow was great but u could make ya structure a lil more original

........................Uppin.....................

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dis was preety godd it was a good flow almost like poetry well das wut rap stands for rythm and poetry is good man keep it up

It was Ill Bro, Keep It Up...

That shit was sick. Every 2 bars i was like DAMN. It kept me wantin to read more. The flow was smoothe as fuck and you had some nice word choice. keep it up.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. Uppin .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

...............................Uppin For FeedBack..........................

ill flow and all rymes was decent to keep droppin and elevatin

pretty weak... okay with multis in spots but had a weak rhyme scheme... the idea isnt bad but its got too much of something...
I the imagery isnt great, pretty in the middle of the road... Honestly, there just wasnt anything that stuck out in you verse.
Work on the fallowing...
Rhyme scheme, ideas and content, and imagry...
Just read a lot of elite topical verses and listen to some tracks and you will learn a lot