A Voiceless Matter.

A glimpse of my fame comes from being sick and deranged
Wishing they tamed my vision to slain...depicted my game
Attempting to save my victims while I was inflicting the pain
Exhibited my system of rage as a convict in its reign
Couldn't pivot or change. . . listened to the skits in my brain
Twitching as the skits turn to scripts and the scripts to a page
A page turned to a way. . . a way for me to remain enslaved
Chained and engraved as I lash out in disdain till this day. .
Tarnished any insignificant thing that restricted my pace
My intention to hate became existent through haste
The living became bait and my resentment would take. .
. . the pigment in faces from the children who made. .
life not be a waste. . I envied those fuckin' pricks & fakes
Given faith, a place, chances to bitch and make mistakes
Chances to listen, behave, make shame, blame, & wait
Chances to experience. . . maybe even fuckin' plan their fate
While I was stricken with a grand range paved with hate
And being insane I claimed and raped. .from state to state
Staring at my face..if death's a sleeper I can't stay awake
Vain on my shoulder's & the weight won't keep me standing straight

Why cherish my time...all I know is myself & my crimes
My father's belt when I was five was death in disguise
Nights I cried until it became adept in my eyes
Until I was nine where being a devil crept in my mind
Never felt...didn't give a fuck about corrupting their lives..
Found lust watching the blood turn to crust while it dried
So seductive but WHY...never put up a fuss or a fight
Cause the truth sucked, so at night I cuddled with lies
OH THIS DEMON intrigued with leaving kids with diseases
Feeding on a cuisine of seeing a mixture of bleeding and semen
Kicking, screaming while I beat, zipped my jeans, & start leaving
Weakening souls while I was fiending receiving no treatment
No hope just people hoping I no longer existed
No one would help, no one opened up and listened
I was scolded and vile...was even put on hold for awhile
So with an unbroken smile, I grabbed throats choke-holdin' their child
I was so proud & aroused, but my feelings were far from lovely
Cause I saw my soul in every child & it fuckin' disgust me
Self-hatred...I see my father & I always begged for vengance
But until then, my helpless soul will be a dreaded image

God fix this spell...
Uplift me from the pits of hell..
I meant well, but I needed to avenge myself..
I just needed ONE way to say what I wanted to say clearly..
But it's STILL the same...cause no one can hear me..
Or no one is listening..I'm back in the same position
I commited offense, but no one seemed to pay attention
I'm just backed against the wall..my choice was a disaster
Shouted in more ways than one, but still a voiceless matter

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231452
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234304

ok ok, this was good.... liked your title... nice vocabulary you had going as well... the flow wasnt all that good, but ya structure was aight.... lines stretced in places. i enjoyed reading this, had nice meanings in it and to me it was more of a poem... but its cool tho
9/10

Legends.

Goddamn Nique.

if i wasnt doing a paper i would feed with a much lnoger reply but ill just show u the part i liked.


Why cherish my time...all I know is myself & my crimes
My father's belt when I was five was death in disguise
Nights I cried until it became adept in my eyes
Until I was nine where being a devil crept in my mind
Never felt...didn't give a fuck about corrupting their lives..
Found lust watching the blood turn to crust while it dried
So seductive but WHY...never put up a fuss or a fight
Cause the truth sucked, so at night I cuddled with lies
OH THIS DEMON intrigued with leaving kids with diseases
Feeding on a cuisine of seeing a mixture of bleeding and semen
Kicking, screaming while I beat, zipped my jeans, & start leaving
Weakening souls while I was fiending receiving no treatment

thx.

sky

This waz dope like the name flow structure evrything waz hot
Keep droppin
Rtf on the open mic in my sig

*watches all these fake kids rock the papyrus font I brought to the game*




I'm super impressed... honestly. You know I don't comment on text... so... word.

pretty nice piece. you should join the RSTL or something. anyways, I'd give you mad props if you werent so cocky. but yea good shit though. aint gonna break this down though, you already know whats up.

^I did join the RSTL.

And I'm not cocky.

I only came back because my name was heavily tarnished by a dedicated b-boy member, so I wanted to leave this text thing on a good note.

Thanks for the feed though

hey i like this piece a lot....very strong vocab, which i always find legit, i think intelligence is always a very vital incorporation.....and i like this line:

Weakening souls while I was fiending receiving no treatment

nice bit bro peace..........

This the type of shit that should be nominated for HOF.

thx

Damn this was a nice drop i was really feeling this.your structure was good it feel off alittle but it was readable..Your wordplay and vocab was onpoint i was really feeling that..it was a real deep peice...nice imagery as well it all flowed together nice job nique..keep it up .. props

I hate it when dope pieces are slept on pathetic...


Nique-

Dope piece here and I mean dope. First of all your
story concept was very good. Your imagery even
better. And the multies were endless , a beautiful
example of a piece that flows to the very end;
which made me as a reader understand , and follow
along easier. Your imagery was great lines like

"OH THIS DEMON intrigued with leaving kids with diseases
Feeding on a cuisine of seeing a mixture of bleeding and semen
Kicking, screaming while I beat, zipped my jeans, & start leaving"

^ Just one example of good imagery.

As well as emotion. Woman you let loose like crazy.
Expressining yourself very well felt the rage come
out of you. especially this line.

"No hope just people hoping I no longer existed
No one would help, no one opened up and listened
I was scolded and vile...was even put on hold for awhile
So with an unbroken smile, I grabbed throats choke-holdin' their child
I was so proud & aroused, but my feelings were far from lovely
Cause I saw my soul in every child & it fuckin' disgust me"

Emtion was like whoa! I looked at it in
a different perspective but yeah...


dope drop keep dropping.

Nominated-

A hot concept piece. Mostly this was lyrical-based on all fronts. The multis, the flow, and the good vocab use was at the frontlines on this, as well as the vivid imagery to back up the story. All in all, very good piece. Keep it up.

Quote:

---

My intention to hate became existent through haste
The living became bait and my resentment would take. .
. . the pigment in faces from the children who made. .
life not be a waste. . I envied those fuckin' pricks & fakes
Given faith, a place, chances to bitch and make mistakes
Chances to listen, behave, make shame, blame, & wait
Chances to experience. . . maybe even fuckin' plan their fate
While I was stricken with a grand range paved with hate

---

^I'm not going to bother with the good parts... I'll point out the exceptional parts - this part here is...

Quote:

---

Never felt...didn't give a fuck about corrupting their lives..
Found lust watching the blood turn to crust while it dried
So seductive but WHY...never put up a fuss or a fight
Cause the truth sucked, so at night I cuddled with lies

---

^same here - no errors... the second stanza as a whole had more up and down points - because the subject matter was heating up... I doubt emotions were steady, so the tone couldn't be either...

Quote:

---

God fix this spell...
Uplift me from the pits of hell..
I meant well, but I needed to avenge myself..
I just needed ONE way to say what I wanted to say clearly..

---

up to this point you had an epic style closer working... it kinda got clouded afterwards tho... the transitions weren't as smooth...

ehh, in the end it's just the difference between being better than anyone else posting here, and being betterest... good work

this piece was DOPE!lotsa excellent imagery and emotion put into this..also your vocab was outstanding, great concept..you stuck to your subject matter..nice rhyme scheme but your lines seemed stretched in certain areas...i really liked the ending the most out of the whole thing..overall this piece was above standard...keep writing..oNE

please rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...68#post3191768

thanks

Quote:

---

A glimpse of my fame comes from being sick and deranged
Wishing they tamed my vision to slain...depicted my game
Attempting to save my victims while I was inflicting the pain
Exhibited my system of rage as a convict in its reign
Couldn't pivot or change. . . listened to the skits in my brain
Twitching as the skits turn to scripts and the scripts to a page
A page turned to a way. . . a way for me to remain enslaved
Chained and engraved as I lash out in disdain till this day. .
Tarnished any insignificant thing that restricted my pace
My intention to hate became existent through haste

---

that was iLL as fuck

yea..i'm tired

Nique this was a quality read. I can't say I've gone through it proper yet
but from the skim read I was really impressed. Been a long while since
I seen a Topical from you so props. I'm off to get pissed soon so when I have
time, i.e, maybe tomorrow, I'll def leave some worthy feedback. Plus I'll 'up' it with another post I do it'll up the thread, hence you not having to do it :-)

Spk soon

mmhm

great absolutely great the lenght wasd great the rhymes were great all of it was great

one more thing the structure used in this piece