Acting Out Of Line.

Acting Out Of Line.

Always lived as a recluse, an imprisonment of obtuse temptations
Lack to produce conversations, witnessed me cocoon without relations
Complications from birth attached, latch with tears now drawn
People living twenty years before you..
..Can ruin you’re life twenty years on
Peers withdrawn, as when you rebel from the pressure it releases
Groups of friends were lost in the muddle..
..From trouble after all what’s the puzzle without all pieces
Depression increases, my lost companions would depend on clubs
And the buzz of a pill, fake love fulfilled..
..as another life was devoted to drugs
Gullible mugs, they questioned me, peer pressure seized to silence
A false cure for the insecure who suffered from lack of guidance
Violence was present, content of life on another level
I’m breaking into sweat..
..Thinking of waiting for a cum up, once they swallowed the devil
It makes me so upset, the threat of what three pounds can do
And as there mouth dries up a piece of their brains drying to
Dying untrue, as I write this confession my shakes out power the pen
I’ve swallowed the enemy, to satisfy the anxiousness within
My skin pours with liquid, each drop representing my hysteria
My mind inferior to the journey I just released on my interior
.
.
.
My pen falls, as the walls start to cave in my vision
A wrong decision has left me scared coved up in a prism
My precision has faded, jaded from the drug within fusing
As I relies this isn’t just a few hours, it’s my life I’m losing
Bruising and aching, from taking a chemical so breaking
Will I survive these few hours? I just sit there shaking.


Matt Crew went from 4 A levels, to lying dead with dribble dried to his mouth.


Think about it.

well k what can i say.
i had a convo on aim with you about this topic,.
and how you could just open a paper tomorrow and read this kind of sad story.
Its the kind of sorry shit that graces the pages, and after i read this all i could picture was the family of the kid who Od'd,... sheer proof that it hit home.
I would quote some shit, but people would think im biting your verse.

the imagry was perfect, i mean just perfect.
vocabulary as usual perfect.
the story was sad as hell...alot of emotion,

anyway..another consistant piece from a very consistant writer.

it perplexes me why you havent made legends yet, real unjust.


anyway keep it up.

That was nice, very nice. Your imagery, style, structure and vocabulary all worked well with this. It was overwhelmingly depressing, yet enjoyable to read. The emotion conveyed was nothing short of good. Keep writing man, these are very good, I'm sure one of these days you'll be in Legends.

Thanks for the feed on my OM...

Thank you.

wot can i say that aint bein said??
1st verse i've read from u and im impressed
defo check your shit in future

word.

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this had a nice feel to it, i was feelin this all the way, flow seemed really smooth to me, strucutre wasnt the best but for me it didnt matter it's still dope, rhymes were great, it fit the topic, topic was nice i liked it, great job, overall 9.5/10, i'll probably nominate this if it isnt already, keep doin ya thing

forreal this isa nice verse k, i like the topic, the dangers of takin drugs n especially extay which has gotten chep as chips lately, hurd it on news u can get em for 50 fuckin pence. i felt u coulda coem a bit stronga tho ya rhyme layout is fairly decent but it needs more to it. this was a gd piece tho. do u use msn mate? ima producer cud do sum tracks.

This was another really well written piece. Topic was good and imaginative. All the lines flowed brilliantly and your word choice was great. You get better all the time.

But I think its time we collabed again...let me know what ya think. Keep droppin'

this had a good feel to it, and k your probably the best thread dropped on this site and i think that!
the strucutre anf flow was all good, rhymes and flow were also good, i really liked the topic, it really had a creative sided to it, i liked this whole peice, overall about the 9.5 range, nicely done, keep it up

^best thread dropped?

lm anytime you no i got you.

thanks.

yeah this was very nice. good, mature topic and handled with care. flow was nice, vocab was really well balanced - i particularly liked it in this respect, never basic and never beyond comprehension, struck well. it was subtle when it needed to be, and obvious when necessary (perhaps a little too plain at times but in a really nitpicking sense, talking about the 'another life was devoted to drugs' line, dunno why but that hit me a little off, prolly just me lol). seriously tho very nice, good to see someone with this kind of opinion next to a hell of alot of bullshit spinning muppets talkin about 'moving weight' and shit. first piece iv read of urs but i'm new, and i'll def check em in the future.

yo very nice drop, a bery realistic topic, and it kept me reading, because yes, this happens daily, and who knows could be a friend next time yu her eit. The imagery wa dope, the vocab was great, the flow was consistent, and the story tellin and topic were great. There's not much else to say, um, the emotion could be felt as well, and that adds a lot. allin all a great piece

Peace

This was complete dope. The flow was so cool, the rhymes and multis were amazing and the wrdplay was mental. I fink it is one of the best things ive ever read on this site, the topic was very gd ad u did an amazin job on it. i'd giv it 9.5/10 theres ways to improve but im worse so i wuldnt know em otherwise id b beta than u lol.

keep droppin.
Peace :D

Wow.....Just wow............

Dis piece was very good.Very sad and i barely have no words to say.The vocab. was good.Not too many big words and not too many little.Alot of imagery.Very emotional.First two lines already said sad.Towards the end it got more sad,which i liked and found very nice.This whole piece was just incredible.Like what rezen said i dont know why you aint in legends too.Hope you git better feedback to dis piece.

~1~

ay K u hurd from Bro lately? that lil cunt aint been on msn for a while

um who are you ^?

Damn this was real deep, the concept was original which is rare in OM.
Obviously your vocab is good so it makes it easier for you to come up with some great detailed imagery. Sometimes when people have a large vocabulary they seem to use it in the wrong way they just use big words for the sake of it, you dont so i was really feeling this piece.
You do use the big words but you manage to still get the emotion out through the words instead it being just a bunch of big words mixed together to look impressive. Obviously there was a message in the piece which i always like. The opening four bars drags you into the piece and the last four bars really finish the piece off well. The only thing i could say to work on is the flow obviously you know what flow is so maybe try and mix in some multies but fuck it this piece was still fucking dope.

Can you return the feed on my new piece id appreciate it, peace.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232302

Quote:

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Originally Posted by K

um who are you ^?

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i produced that ''like pow'' track u n bro did. used to be miidnite on here. u hurd from him?

ah word....um yeah hes about man - K

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