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A Silenced World.
A Silenced World.
Imagine a dwell packed with being’s, a shell stacked to ceilings
Feelings of anxiety, whilst couples kiss with no meanings
Screenings of re-occurring schisms, a densely packed prism
Where movement was extinct, a club with no rhythm
Dj’s no longer earn a living, their art no longer heard
Imagine waking up to traffic, losing the tone of a bird
A word never voiced with pitch, never a sweet sound to follow
A silenced playground, Found itself spellbound,
Without a sound and the caretakers whistle now hollow
Screams were swallowed, and love lacked devotion
We don’t make love anymore, now its sex without emotion
Across the ocean whales are ghosted, coasted towards hard living
If they lack to sing to one another, they are left without a sibling
Bands not giving anything to fans, our natures so barbaric
Depression becomes a depressant as gigs aren’t atmospheric
Numeric lows are recorded, and all equipment is burnt
Philosophers work destroyed,
No longer enjoyed ideas toyed with lessons not being learnt
Instruments devoured, the curse has deadened the shower
Picture a holy village stunned as the bell fails to ring on the hour
Voices sound so sour, the drought affects your personality
Pride is lost for your country, as it lacks an anthem of nationality
Everything’s reality, a new world unaware of how to use it
My piece read of beat, incomplete due to a world without music.
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This was awesome.
I don't know where to begin. Once I read the opener I was sucked in, and the perspective you approached this was amazing. I felt like I was in the world you were describing. Music? Where's the sound? THere's really nothing i felt that was out of place, except one part through the middle where it was off beat, but man, awesome read.
Def. HOF worthy.
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This was a nice short but sweet read, the only part that threw me off was when you switched it up to whales singing. It was kind of a shift from an... well I probably just didn't understand the sibling line, otherwise they are dope examples of dysfunctionally muted worlds. But other than that I can say that this was exemplary in all other aspects, to include imagery, and rhyme scheme. The whole piece was outstanding overall. No doubt.
Pz - Dev
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Shit wuz alright
Vocab structure and flow wuz there
Also man work on your multis would make it better
Across the ocean whales are ghosted, coasted towards hard living
If they lack to sing to one another, they are left without a sibling
(Think about that Bar - its a good metaphor and deep)
good shit man looking foward to more of your work
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yeah this was dope..
a nice topic, it came from the heart.
the opening set the piece brilliantly, and it was solid from start to finish.
Screams were swallowed, and love lacked devotion
We don’t make love anymore, now its sex without emotion
^that was just raw.
Across the ocean whales are ghosted, coasted towards hard living
If they lack to sing to one another, they are left without a sibling
^that was complex, I never would have thought of using a line like that.
Deep.
all in all, i wont even bother commenting on structure flow etc,
thats just herbish..but this was an awesome piece.
The imagery was perfect, a short but sweet piece is how I would describe this as it kept me contempt from start to finish.
I could see this being recorded too, which is a plus..because everyone should be striving for that in there om's.
anyway keep it up.
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FUCK! That Was FUCKing Awsome!I seriously Fucking take that to the fucking heart...It was by far the best fucking peice I have EVER heard on this R&B Place...But then a fucking gain! I live in the front lines and bitch slapped...so what yall expect from the fucking newbies! JAY SILENT BOB FOR LYFE! ROLLIN FATTIES SMOKIN BLUNTS! YOUR PEICE FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MUSIC AND WHAT THE WORLD WOULD BE WITHOUT IT...BEST SUBJECT...WELL THOUGHT!FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!
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now i need to leave feed again, swear to God i did once. oh well. as i said before on the post that does not exist. great piece, the meaning was portrayed extremely well, even though to even imagine if this were to happen is already painful enough. lol. a lot of you said are what i recognize as the true reality of today, such as the part about making love. deep insights like that deserve a great amount of credit. nyce job with the flow and rhyme scheme, not too much and not nearly too little, this piece was down right flawless. even though it was short, it didn't degrade a thing, excellent job bro, keep at it.
peACE
ps. thanks for the account thing. =-)
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Defintily a very dope drop, lots of good metaphors and vocab, used in this piece. The flow was smoothe and all coincided with the piece to make it a very nice read. Not much you could change, very nice drop.
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Dopeness plain and simple, this topic was fucking great. It was poetry man, just poetry. The images you thought of just blew me away, the vocab was solid but not over the top and the rhymes were strong. Just the imagery stood out for me more than anything else, mos def worthy of a HoF nomination.
On the last day of the month as well.
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word @ this peice man, i fuckin liked it alot.
imagiry was dope as shit. i liked how i can read it and image it in my head. the flow was dope of course, good use of multis here n there, i really liked the vocab and rhyme shceme especially, it was fun to read it...the topic was a good topic as well, nothin played or anything.
real good job man, got my nomination.
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this was deep.. i was feelin the flow of it.. nice vocab for it.. imaginable as well... i loved reading it, flo was tight... you did good my nig
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I'm bored. So I'll up this for K just cuz it was so dope.
By the way, I nominated this.
