-God has a Gun-

Some say in a metaphoric phrase,God's got a Gun
and hes aimin for tha sun,praise and amen,men gotta run
hide theyselves when they shelves begin to shake
mountains shift,tha oceans lift as tha moon begins to break
scaled eight earthquake,seems its the apocalypse
god has just been droppin tips,and so what if a comet hits
hes on goldenstreets with a cannon,just to examine
how tha sins of man can escape gods plannin,hes demandin
to know what evil has beseached his people,too lethal
to ingest by men but decietful,women in crumbled steeples
sins more serious than mens,offend what thee defends
force depends on trends of troops,its God they will commend
who needs it more,bring death to what you cant perfect
tha dialect suggests,if were less than best,our deaths progress
when your made in an image never seen,whats tha vintage
how perfect can we be,from an image we cant see,so were a percentage

#1
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221473

dis was a clean drop....vocab was tight...imagery was there....structure was nicely done.... all around i think..... 8.5/10

do ya thang homie

#2
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221164

shits fire!! on some other shit, like ive always loved your shit as poetry, but this finaly dragged me into your rap skill. Like you jus hit that bulls eye on half poetry and half rap, vocab and content on that tip and honestly your flow and multis have finally caught my eye on some personal shit that I be thinkin about, cause notta lotta dudes MC's round here no more, jus 'rappers', you on some real MC should be how it was back in the day be, O.S. = Old School baby, keep it up, ima watch your drops, you got my most respect on this site, stay up -1-

fuck that at least a 9 but can push a 10/10, know the truth

word...i appreciate it...up.

up.

This piece was tight as fuck a good read.
i enjoyed it more because you included the right amount of mullties in it your vocabulary was spot on too, and the flow of it was perfect.
Do you do audio aswell as text? because i think you'd make a good audio head if you have a good enough delivery.
Anyway this was a good piece to read and im looking forward to reading more of your pieces, keep dropping them

PaRa

Dayum this shite iz hottt!!!rhymes is crazy tite assed
shudda been longer tho mayne this ain enuff for me its jus a wind up. yo shudda got me up in there ,.. ha ha

crazy rhymes fosho

uppin the verse 2 from u

to know what evil has beseached his people,too lethal
to ingest by men but decietful,women in crumbled steeples
^ My favorite bar, you had good multies and good vocab in this drop. It was a good length to me, I didnt get bored wit it.

nice drop.... good flow and structure...............

i appreciate it....up.

yo that shit was a mind blower i cant even comprehend half the world play let alone say it myself 11/10 extra point for being too complex for me =P

That was good piece you got there.Everything flowed good.You had good multies.Your structure was ok,you could've made the font a little bigger in my opinion.Your vocabulary was weak in the beginning but then you started to use more complex words after every bar.This topic did work for you because you really did make this a good piece.I'd give two thumbs up :thumbup: :thumbup:

thnks..i appreciate it

up.

this was very nice.. also deep... the words u used were excellent and described evrything very well... the way it was written wuz also tight..
this was a good drop u did.. i would love ta see more of yo work keep it up

cool...check out my Dark Green Woods then..that piece is ill

Im gonna nomate this for Open mic Hall of fames becuz
his rhyme scheme was perfect, he flow was steady but
most of all he stick'd 2 the topic and writen it so that
everyone could understand it

I would give this a 9.5 outta ten (Leave .5 for room 2 advance)
because this was straight up tight

VERY VERY Good Drop man
keep em comin'
peace

thnks

You have the right idea going on here, but your wording proved too awkward for me. This was decent but no where near the levels of what we expect in OM HOF. I know as of late there hasn't been many of the talented members droping in here, so I can see how you guys would see this as good. It is compared to the level people are dropping at as of late. Mostly newr members who have not developed thier skill yet. If I compare this to any of respected writters on this site it would fall way short. You used an awkward choice of words in a few areas. Also your scheme was not as tight as I'd liek to see, meter was eratic, although you did have a hint of some decent assonance due to the use of multis, but they did not come off as smooth. Not a bad place to start from, but please don't let these members fool you into thinking anything more than I just posted, they do not have the back ground or expeirence I have in providing the feedback a writter needs.

i appreciate tha feedback....and i have been on this site for a long enough time to know that half these newbies dont know what there talkin about.....ive seen vets come..rise..then go..and ive been seein it since 2000...although if i still had that name i had i 2000..then i would be a little higher in posts(which has no relevance to being a vet)...but i appeciate it...as far as a place to start...i have dropped countless pieces and no mod has eer replyed to anything i ever dropped...so im thankfull for tha critique...check out the piece in my sig labled When the Sky Falls..and tell me what you think....if you dont mind

^ I never noticed you before today. I would hope that by now you would have elevated enought o be recognized, but some times no matter how long you work, without ehlp form someone elevation can be slow and painful. I will give your peices a glance once I get some free time, if you know anything about me, I'm so very busy...

This is not feed, but you do need to listen to bounce and others here to elevate, its what I did and Im better for it. Just keep your head open for advice and look at whats around man, and elevation will taker its process.

- Good luck.

Yo, hey i liked ya piece man, loved the read just hoped that it was a lil longer lol.. nice drop

yea..i know your always busy bounce..tha life of a mod/admin..always busy..up.

that was some crazy sweet stuff

hide theyselves when they shelves begin to shake
mountains shift,tha oceans lift as tha moon begins to break


that was my favorite line it had great multies i wish i could rhyme like that it was a great smotth flowing rhmye concepts were dope and i enjoied it like whoa

Treazon real nice drop.Your rhyme scheme was really nice. Your rhymes were really well put together. Vocab was great...Your flow was great. The concept on this was nice. A very intertaining piece. Enjoyed every line...Ill be looking for more of your stuff...

Hit my OM in my sig...Thanks Much...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Grand Champ

That was good piece you got there.Everything flowed good.You had good multies.Your structure was ok,you could've made the font a little bigger in my opinion.Your vocabulary was weak in the beginning but then you started to use more complex words after every bar.This topic did work for you because you really did make this a good piece.I'd give two thumbs up :thumbup: :thumbup:

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Word. I was feeling this. I give you a 9.9/10

i PPRECIATE IT..THNKS...UP.

thats was a pretty cool piece.. you could see you put some thought into it.. but the multi's sorta seemed force in this.. but flow was good.. structure was good.. but i wonder how the verse would look if you put it at regular size.. iono.. i jst hate it wen peeps put the font size hella small because their bars are too long.. but yeah.. nice drop

yo that shit wuz hot dawg.keep dropin them like this one.stay up homie

well the Multis werent forced luckily for me...and the bars were as ong as i wanted them...puttin your piece in a small font makes it looked more organized and well...it just looks better.....but it would be cool if the multis were forced...then youd be right...just cause you didnt understand some of the words and what not doesnt mean the multis were forced...all in all keep trying to reply correctly..j/p....thnks...up.

I guess it was pretty good..could use more advanced rhymes though and maybe a pinch more of vocabulary,but overall,i liked it.
You had multies in there..
Just throuw in alittle more rhymes,more complex...like instead of death/best..something like Development/angelian/eloquent.

yea

wat the hell was that a poet this is rap not poetry

well another idiot in RB...this isnt poetry fucktard..go to poetic scriptures..youll find your poetry there..fuckin idiot

man that shit was fuckin nuts i could read that shit a hundred times and think it was as good as the first time i read it thats fuckin tight man sickest shit ive ever seen on this site

Quote:

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Originally Posted by :TreaZoN:

Some say in a metaphoric phrase,God's got a Gun
and hes aimin for tha sun,praise and amen,men gotta run
hide theyselves when they shelves begin to shake
mountains shift,tha oceans lift as tha moon begins to break
scaled eight earthquake,seems its the apocalypse
god has just been droppin tips,and so what if a comet hits
hes on goldenstreets with a cannon,just to examine
how tha sins of man can escape gods plannin,hes demandin
to know what evil has beseached his people,too lethal
to ingest by men but decietful,women in crumbled steeples
sins more serious than mens,offend what thee defends
force depends on trends of troops,its God they will commend
who needs it more,bring death to what you cant perfect
tha dialect suggests,if were less than best,our deaths progress
when your made in an image never seen,whats tha vintage
how perfect can we be,from an image we cant see,so were a percentage

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that was some real shit...........keep droppin.......