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Dear Unborn Child.
Dear Unborn Child
Its been a while, & you’ve escaped mention child
But its the day…and I guess I tend to remember now
Its December, wow.. and as the blizzard scratches in the dark.
I don’t take notice..i have a storm to match in my heart
Lets take it back to the start, in the strangest of settings
chuz in the middle of a fight, I seen a angel from heaven..
a vision, my future, my blessing, my curse, settled my hurt
promised then, I’d fucking love her for better or worse..
it got better then worse, well im just guessin’ the worth
of trynna grow something so right, but gettin’ left in the dirt
I’ve been to the steps of the church, the pews and the altar
Bemused and so lost but, i just refused all the offers
Chuz who could’ve thought…ugh..i refuse to get caught up
If you woulda knew all the bullshit this caused us
Then maybe you would’ve come to the living
With us in the living..
UUUGGGHHH………….who the fuck am I kidding?
Agh! its plagues me, breaks me, im broken and laced
Chuz I’ve been smoking for days trying to smoke you away
Im so hopeless and grave, that when I go to ya grave
I just open and pray that God leaves me soulless and laid..
On ya plot. And im in shock, well I was but now its this inner shit..
A mix between, pain, rage, sorrow, and bitterness
Its this twist, of my fucked up life, my luck aint right
Its just aint right, so fuck this must be life
It must be mine, see kid its this hell..
That I wake up to everyday, and its just well….
SO FUCKING COMPLICATED, THAT IT GETS ME YELL..
ING..FOR A BALANCE IN THESE TWISTED SCALES!
WAS IT MY HEALTH!? My knuckles are swollen a bit
But life & love must be sister because both are a bitch
Was it when I was choking the bitch!?i need to get a hold. get a grip
I cant believe im sold to this shit..I cant believe I promised my soul to this bitch
I CANT BELIEVE THIS EARTH IS FUCKING HOLDING MY KID!!
I swear to you I didn’t know what I did, when I was throwing the chick
I just couldn’t believe she told me that shit
Now I cant fuckin’ breathe or get over this shit
And im lookin for some release while im loading this clip..
Hold it a bit.. at times im so hopeless and quit
I cry tears that run deep, from the oceans within
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I DID!
I swear it to you, honestly I promise you this
I was hittin’ ya moms, didn’t know I was knockin my kid
She told me after, that bastard, that she was pregnant with you
But what could I do? She told me she was messing with dudes
Which made me grab a weapon or two, questioned and ooooohh…
I was so reckless and rude, expectant..expecting the truth
Ready to break her neck into two.
Dear Unborn Child, was it mistake or murder dammit
Im so fucking hurt and kid.your a victim of circumstances
I didnt wanna hurt her dammit..well maybe i did
It was the craziest shit I went into a rage and then it
Went blank, I just blacked out and lost it…
and came to.. when the procession sat down the coffin
promised then, I’d fucking love her for better or worse..
it got better then worse, im such a damn awful fucker
I didn’t only lose you, kid..I lost ya mother
Im Sorry.
Links'll be up shortly.
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Damn emotion daz. another great story from you, caught my eye from the damn begging
You were sounding so dramatic, it helped ;D
as i said ill leave better feed later, just gettting my spot.
Pz.
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WAS IT MY HEALTH!? My knuckles are swollen a bit
But life & love must be sister because both are a bitch
that bar was fucking illin
this piece had a whole heap of mixed emotins, and it built up to the climax point slowly and smoothly, i felt the multis helped make this a good read althought some didn't fit with the context. there was enough metaphors in this, it didn't get too boring. definitely HoF stuff.
here's more lines that i liked.
Lets take it back to the start, in the strangest of settings
chuz in the middle of a fight, I seen a angel from heaven..
a vision, my future, my blessing, my curse, settled my hurt
promised then, I’d fucking love her for better or worse..
Dear Unborn Child, was it mistake or murder dammit
Im so fucking hurt and kid.your a victim or circumstances
I didnt wanna hurt her dammit..well maybe i did
It was the craziest shit I went into a rage and then it
Went blank, I just blacked out and lost it…
and came to.. when the procession sat down the coffin
promised then, I’d fucking love her for better or worse..
it got better then worse, im such a damn awful fucker
I didn’t only lose you, kid..I lost ya mother
pz.
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raw emotion, i like how this is written..different for a change.
just pure, no complexity added afterwards with the mind, just straight from the heart.
Also a topic your heart's close to so difficult.
runs smooth, it came perfectly from my mouth.
i saw some mentionable lines in there..
Then maybe you would’ve come to the living
With us in the living..
UUUGGGHHH………….who the fuck am I kidding?
Agh! its plagues me, breaks me, im broken and laced
Chuz I’ve been smoking for days trying to smoke you away
Im so hopeless and grave, that when I go to ya grave
I just open and pray that God leaves me soulless and laid..
WAS IT MY HEALTH!? My knuckles are swollen a bit
But life & love must be sister because both are a bitch
felt that was nice.
and i get how you're trying to let emotion stand out even more with the caps, but i'd just do it solely by writing.
its nice overall though, another good OM daz.
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shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit that shit was deep jo
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yeah, this was pretty good
a lot of emotion and a lot of feelign was put it in it.. i felt ya force dawg.
yup.
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Wow daz... this was really good...
I love SO much of this it wasnt even funny. I almost thought about getting lazy and not reading but when I started i couldnt stop what so ever. This is an awesome peice my friend... THe emotion shows that MAYBE ;). Youve done this. the emotion and imagry are raw and real in my mind dude. The flow and structure were VERY good. Perfect for the piece. The brakes to me helped and gave it a unique type of feel. It was plan good head to toe...
great stuff... could you please post a reply on my Open Mic, LIFE THROUGH A WINDOW? thank you
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Wow Daz... How many time in a week do you feel like shitting upon the board man? Anyway the fucking Imagery and Emotion were key in this verse... great job on those two aspects. The flow was on point most of the verse fell off on some stretched lines, and that's about it for the flow. I'm still thinking about the emotion it was so strong and on point in the whole verse. Metas and Similies were there and the transitions were good.
Hot drop neegro..
check my OM Mid-Nightmare Heist
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219456
and
Spit diss.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219802
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Nice Drop Daz...u made the reader and listener feel like they was in it....shit was deep keep the wordplay and structure the same next time u make a knew one
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aiight Daz...dope drop as usual...very deep emotion and complexity...really put tha reader in tha front row....very descriptive....i liked tha imagery....i loved tha wordplay and your vocab...everything about this piece flowed smoothly...as usual....keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
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Not much I can say that other's haven't said, so I don't see the point of a long ass post. Imagery and emotion seemed the best aspect and the main point you were trying to portray. A nice concept, though I can't say it was the most original I've seen. Good on dropping, a good piece.
And RTF on 'The Kamikaze Vendetta'.
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damn i didnt know you were this good, your better at topicals than battling Im guessing? but then again I havent really seen you battle much, cept for that one fight night battle we had on bboyz. but yea man feeling this, the wording was good throughout, the flow was pretty good, and it was just a pretty good piece really, not much else to say., nice little read though, I usually dont read ish this late at night, 4 am but I wound up reaidn this, and yea, it had emotions and shit, you did a good job kid..
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it was good i like the scheme and stlye :laugh:
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damn... shits real.
dope ass drop
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peep my drop and give some advice..
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your feedback sucks donkey nuts.. i suggest you edit in more or u'll end up on the watch foo.
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DAMN this got REAALLY DEEP n DOPE!your emotion got me to start sayin it out loud to visualize it all better...your flow n rhyme scheme was dope..your multis were excellent, vocab wass consistent, structure was good...one of the best pieces ive seen on RB...definitely HoF imo...your imagery was very DOPE..but your emotion was what really got to me...keep writing man, i'll be lookin out for you more..ONE!
please hit up my link:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224382
