rap heaven

no aks no techs it's a clean rap hood
where every emcee escapes to rap good
no broken bones it's a true Mc's rap heaven
spittin rhymes for life from 2 to 11
if ya'll doubt me dont care been there done that
i doubted myself till i listened to da throwbak
those MCs speak wit heart aint some contract can stop 'em,
they spit their flow and encourage other even death can't mop 'em
i just always think of afterlife will jesus save our souls
or will tha escalator drop us to hell with gasoline to our death holes
so i'm a finish dis as a r.i.p. and good luk
to big pun, easy-e, notorious, and tupac

hey homie..i was feelin the flow it was good..i liked the struture too..the rhyming was cool,you should try to make it a lil' longer next time though iight.but it was good

yeah i'll try any1 else lookin for feedbak

make longer...fix your structure....rhyme scheme and use some multis...you got potential...i liked tha message though..keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

word

thnx fo rfeedbak every1 uppin

yeah..i just think you need to make things more complex..and if you improve your actually rhymin you'll be hot. like, instead of rhymin 1-3 syllables, elevate to 4-6 syllables. It'll make your rhymes hotter just cuz it rhymes more..but yeah man, like they said, you definitely got potential. just keep elevatin. aight man? return the fave, peace

This topic was too broad. A couple of your lines were stretched as well. Simple vocab and rhymes were forced such as the 2-11 line. No emotion was conveyed in this piece which makes it redundant. You definately need to work on a lot of areas before you start writing better verses.

Yo I was feelin' the content of it, good topic. Flow and structure was good. Only thing I can say is try throwin some multis at us, and do more word images like the hell elevator line. It was a good write, wish it was longer. Keep flowin homie.
-Play-Boy

yepyep

flow was fine rhyme scheme was bad and ya should really use more multis and then i think ya stuff will be hot as fire.

i much agrered with diverse. the messgae was there kid but u gatta pick up ur structure. try to extend tha vocab. make barz longer. but keeep tha shit cummin kid.

cool i'l do that

pretty much the same as everyone else said... you up the vocab and have a lil bit better wordplay, than you could have a dope rap... take that same rap and revise it, or do what you do to try to make it a lil bit better...
Nice flow though, good structure as well...
Keep Droppin...
1

check out my drop in Om and tell me what you think

aight i'll do that lata and yo i'll drop a revised editiuon soon

uppin peeps

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cypher

no aks no techs it's a clean rap hood
where every emcee escapes to rap good
no broken bones it's a true Mc's rap heaven
spittin rhymes for life from 2 to 11
if ya'll doubt me dont care been there done that
i doubted myself till i listened to da throwbak
those MCs speak wit heart aint some contract can stop 'em,
they spit their flow and encourage other even death can't mop 'em
i just always think of afterlife will jesus save our souls
or will tha escalator drop us to hell with gasoline to our death holes
so i'm a finish dis as a r.i.p. and good luk
to big pun, easy-e, notorious, and tupac

---

I'll be one of u in i don't know

elevate


Closed.