What makes a masterpiece...

What makes a masterpiece, besides something unordinary
Extraordinary beliefs, and flow like blood out the coronaries
A presense of mind, that seeks fine clues down to the hand..
..nerve ending to nerve beginning, like clicking emails to send
A system of the body, like veins to keep the reader's alive
..and the main highway arteries, to flow big like these lines
Speaks fine, but like brail can feel with a faint touch
.. and can see the full effect, even with blind eyes shut
Flow of a gifted, internal, twizted, explicit to complex...
or changing quick, a storyline leaves you saying chapter... next?
Flow like a fan that flies on high..
or low, goes slow as the piece unravels
And leads a path to travel, in which an ignorant mind baffles
Or an intelligent spark of deep emotion, leaves it forever encastled
Pastel colors of the poet's perception, in words laid to be..
painting a picture of artistic value creating plausible imagery
Like a diamond it's formed, but not under merely pressure
..but of delicate precision that seems of an unearthly character
And the best way to describe is of utmost aesthetic nature
You feel it in your hand the second it draws the paper...
You'd think talent's unparamount, it was done on purpose
..but a writer writes many pieces, and some may be worthless
Takes the perfect moment, where the writers senses connect, see..
creating everlasting symmetry.. is what makes a masterpiece

links:

We dont care - b2k & queensty
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...49#post2778149

rap vs love - the vendetta
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...77#post2778177

lol damn man you fuckin lost me wit those big words lol you get like a 10/10 for vocab....you're multies was good and wit the good vocab you did good on the multies I liked the simile you had expecially the internet one wit the emaila and the nerv ending line....structure was goood medium line= good flow it was nice i really enjoyed the easy reading...the vocab the multies and the similes made you have a good imagery in ya verse and that i liked overall you had a good verse i would give you a 7.5-8/10 and two :thumbup: lol

please RTF- Open Mic in sig.

This was interesting...

I thought it was a little bleh for the first half, but the second half really picked it up a lot...i liked the flow, and the direction of thought...i liked the diction, appropriate...the concept has been done, and it has been done better, but this piece still stands on it's on as a very nice open mic/poem...this was good...well deserved 8/10...

thanks, i dont remember it being done like i did ti.. but cool.

uppin

upp.

upp..

Nice piece here

Liked the flow, and the emotion was kinda there, It' was more or less all thoughts nothin physical, but I liked it . It made me think. The rhyms sheme was nice, and I really understood waht you were tryin' to say. Your vocab was top notch, but sometimes I felt you were swaying w/ the topic.
KeepElevatin'

rtf |Dear Santa| my newest open mike.
Pz.

a yo i think that was truly deep as shit and like symbol said there were a lot of big ass words in there that i didnt know what they all ment but the shit i understood was hot as shit and i really was feeling the shit

thanks, great feed.. uppin

This isn't an easy piece for me to critique...

The complexity was overflowing throughout the verse. The wordplay and vocabulary was excellent and had multies in spots throughout the verse which kept the flow alive. You used a couple of similies here or there to relate things to what makes a masterpiece and the emotion was felt because you were expressing your thoughts throughout the entire piece.

Now, the one thing that i HATED about this verse...

Was the fact that is was such a complex verse and many readers easily get lost throughout it. For example; many people are focusing on your vocab and flow, and get lost in how abstract the piece is due to little or no storytelling or imagery. This makes them forget what the piece is about. Half way through I had to pause and go... "What's going on?" Then I re-read your opening lines "What makes a masterpiece?" and I continued to read on. I think you could have improved this be restating that quote in different parts throughout your verse so that the reader stays focus on the message you are trying to convey, and not the complexity you are laying down. Enjoy the feed. :)

nice shit homie good wordplay and big words at that u put that shit in perfect detail keep it up

thnx for the great feed.. i appreciate it, i understand exactly what you're saying, i could've designed it that way.. but i did it on purpose to begin and end with "the masterpiece" to make ppl go "oh yeah..." at the end. the middle was to be complex and try to make readers focus and think.. may be better suited for older aged- i dunno.

great feed though.. uppin fo mo

want more good feed.. uppin

...

i wasn't feelin the flow..

but you had some good lyrics..i liked the ender bar

you had some good similies as well.. and A LOT of them lol..

but mostly work on flow..if it doesn't flow then i stop getting interested..i don't have patience so i like reading pieces that are not so wordy and have good flow..

overall, this was iite..

hit this up http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post2810031

was a different kinda flow, and it switched up a lot. Prob got confused. Thanks for the feed, though.. ill hit that up in a bt.

i liked the wordplay...and you definitely get the award for "most dictionary reading" with that song. overall pretty good, you need to practice staying on topic though, at least that piece of work tells me you need to practice it. i would say the song is probably a....6.5/10. you just focused on vocabulary too much without trying to make it a well balanced piece. anyway, ive had my first open mic song on here for a day and no one has sed a thing about it. sum1 please critique it. heres da shortcut
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214290

bleh.. didn't think vocab was that much..
I've seen peeps do way more.
and I read it again.. atleast to me, i stay on topic..
(maybe i'm wrong)

uppin

I'll try and hit your link up later, thanks for the feed

upp//

very complex....your iamgery was there as were your multis...and i realy did like your complexity in your rhyme....your vocab was very top notch...it flowed smoothly..all in all this piece was very intricate and ill.keep droppin tha hottnes.~1~

thanks, uppin

That was some real shit
I really enjoyed it the imagery made me feel like that was me
keep droppin i gotta hear more of your shit

some ppl finally see the piece in the way i meant, im astonished.

lol.. love all the feed though, good or bad.. uppn

ya u lost me wit sum words. but it was ight. not my style. dun try 2 use big vocab on every line ppl wont want 2 read it

yo you want good feed ok well for one the drop is very good ....but I'm not a poem guy....and also this was abit lengthy......also
not worthy of hof....but it was ok....up your vocab and your word useage......1

yo this was my favorit part of this peice

ystem of the body, like veins to keep the reader's alive
..and the main highway arteries, to flow big like these lines
Speaks fine, but like brail can feel with a faint touch
.. and can see the full effect, even with blind eyes shut
Flow of a gifted, internal, twizted, explicit to complex...
or changing quick, a storyline leaves you saying chapter... next?
Flow like a fan that flies on high..

keep it up and keep writting

^ up my vocab and word usage? ok.....

uppin for intelligence :)

last uppin, most likely.

Nice piece

yeah i mostly agree with sublime... if the first half was done a little better this peice would have been amazing... despite that still a very dope drop, you had some crazy shit in there nearing the ned and it seemed to gain momentum as it went along... pretty solid drop i enjoy reading your stuff... keep at it.