Confessions (My Life)

Confessions

Well I was brought up never to steal, never to Lie
Persuadin to consider, life pulls fates lever to Cry
When I was a kid, I looked up to my dad Always
But when I turned a teen, I caught his dealin Days
My uncle built a bunk bed, so my dreams sunk Dead
But knowin him, confusion made him a drunk Head
I caught him countin, later night I opened it to See..
So I opened it, I was astonished, wantin to Plea
I seen it was more then 50 pounds, I lost my Mind
Unable to rewind time, visualizin such ones eye Find
So I took a few grams, hid it all in a lays chip Bag
The next day, after school I sold it with a quick Pay
Right on 4/20, impossible my dad didn’t Notice
Only 1 person owin me, I felt without a hint Hopeless
3 days after that day, I smoked for my first Time
1 year passin me by, it felt much like a cursed Chime

Soon I started to see such arguments, it forced Pain
My mother and father, fightin for divorced Shame
So they got divorced, now it’s a dispute for the Kids
I wanted to live with dad, but moms sayin it’s a Fib
So I leave, rollin up my sleeves knownin I wont Hold
My decision is correct, my mission so I don’t Fold
Stuck in reality, askin Christ when do I win Mentality
I live the passion to suffer, feelin the sin Mortality
But never immortality, considerin I cant run Away
My dad tellin me, education is the key for fun Today
Takin all I can as advantage, never to abuse Sabotage
Feelin hopeless, takin all factors to refuse Camouflage
Askin a life question, never to suggest such a Quest
I sever a wish, askin for help with my family Request
To believe my message, to understand I ask Truth
My confession of being involved, believin as a Youth

I cant stop the fights, to much arguing with my Mom
Self destruction, an eruption, explodin its own Bomb
My own selfish thought, arguin creatin my own Steam
But brothers get annoying, now when I’m known Mean
Understandin I messed up, I begin to lose Control
Knowin my dad aint got the money to choose Parole
Confuses me, mesmerized and so frozen I’m Petrified
But I feel stuck in a illusion, feelin more self Glorified
Without one excuse, I ponder why was my dad Fired
Then why was he hired?, beginnin to feel a tad Tired
I take time to idealize, would I gain if I’d Realize..
Fortune and fame, when marijuana makes me feel Lies
Now that my uncle smoked it with me, I want to Quit
Even when it makes me relaxed, my vision goes Split
I asked my uncle to tell my dad, so they shared 2 Drinks
In the middle of the night, my uncle dared to Think
So he told my dad, I smoked a few joints with Him
My dad stuck, mad yet happy, he understood Within
At home the next day, complex yet his checks Say..
We on welfare, why he poor, so I stay back and Pray
I might not live in the projects, I scramble for Subjects
But haters gotta say shit, so I look for proper Objects
Now that my dads knows, its awkward how I cant Stop
Him sayin, fuck the hip hop, yet god wont grant Top

As I say peace to all who misjudged me, I find Frustration
Always behind temptation, I aint afraid to mind Salvation
The aggression of my wish, the fetus to feel and Receive
To always feel relieve, in belief so I begin to Achieve

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...12#post2724512
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...23#post2724523

I like this peice, one of the best ive seen, structure is as close as it can get to perfect, which i like cause it helps the reader, your vocab was very good which makes it and overall better verse, good imagiry i can honestly say i know what you feel like when you wrote this, multis were all there, but i felt like some of them were somewhat forced, but you sortve blended it into everything so that it makes it sound nice..your a dope topical writer ive read alot of your shit and i enjoy every bit of it, keep writing dude, you can still elevate...

word.

good job !!

It's good to see that you didn't have to rely on "tion/sion" endings. You switched up the schemes you were using for rhyming which keeps the piece from being monotone. The only grammatical problem I spotted was "fid" in the second stanza. The story was good, and as the title suggests, the feelings of the character were a focus of the piece. I liked the imagery in the first stanza.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CrazyCarl

It's good to see that you didn't have to rely on "tion/sion" endings. You switched up the schemes you were using for rhyming which keeps the piece from being monotone. The only grammatical problem I spotted was "fid" in the second stanza. The story was good, and as the title suggests, the feelings of the character were a focus of the piece. I liked the imagery in the first stanza.

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i just spelt FIB wrong thats all

thanks anyway.

uppin

Dope piece para I really liked it.. I agree with Carl about the rhyme scheme you kept it fresh and it wasn't the same all the way through... I think your beginning to elevate and change up your rhyme schemes and shit... Keep workin..

iight look you're openor was fill wit multies i like the first bar lol if the first bar wasnt good i wouldnt kept on reading, ya OM was so fuckin long but it was good so i kept on reading, I saw that the imagery kept on gettin better through out the story, I could just imagine you're parents fightin and felt how you felt, wow you're ways you wrote was good, structure was good, so was ya flow, the ending was short and simple which was also good...good nice all i can say and overall good verse

the flow was remarkable in this piece:),good emotion in this also kept the feeling in this intact,the imagery was decent....nicely done,the opener was kinda weird the ay you started off but still dope,nice creativity put into this piece...

the concept i felt was dope....i mean i seen it done before but not in thjis way this one was done in a diferrent situation....anyways nice decent piece man way to rep the family

okay your so dope at this man good job on this shit dogg you have good potential okay your structure was so good but if it was like Elemtal Souls structure it waould be dope as hell good though your poetic scripture was nice how you had real good flow i loved that imaginary on how i almost felt like a fucken dream dogg nice it was pretty damn nice i liked it you have alot of talent im go follow up on your skills man good job

thanks a lot yall.

uppin for feed i'll rtf drop links.

This was a dope peice fam ...i was really feeling it ..your flow was excellent ..your peice flow'd easily..and it had a good smooth rhythem to it ...You had good emotions..and very good imagery.. your feeling going into this peice..was good and it can tell that you took time out to make this drop.. Your Opener was alittle shaky..but after that..it became very interesting a very good drop to read..Overall nice job para
Keep it up

this was a really dope drop man. At first, I was just lookin for a quick piece that I could give feed so that I could drop a verse, and it would be done. I saw your title, and thought it might be worth readin. once I started reading, it wasnt anythin like what i thought it would be./ it sounds like you've been at this a llong time man. the multi's were there, flow was pretty much perfect and so was the structure. Most of all, I feel that it was really well writtin, cuz It drew me in. It's so much like me but yet its not. it was quite intreeging (In-tree-ging. thats what im tryin to say, but i aint no dictionary. lol) but yeah, great verse man, I'll probly check out another one of yours if I see it. Once I do drop my verse, Ill drop a link so you could return the feed. thanx man. and good job, once again. very impressive......

thanks a lot, yea fo sho ill leave feed on ya piece man.

uppin for more.

leave links

yea, this was pretty nice...
all verses were solid, but mah favorite was the 3rd...
i could just relate to a lot of the stuff you said in this piece, espeically in the 3rd verse...

your flow was nice for the most part throught out the whole thing...
there were only a couple times were it fell off, but even then it was just a bit..
i loved the lyrics though, its jus really real, and like i said i can relate...
good multis in there too, you managed to pack in quite a few...
so weerd man, good work here....

yes, the switch of the rhyme scheme was good.. nice imagery..flow was iight... still enjoyed it

I take time to idealize, would I gain if I’d Realize..
Fortune and fame, when marijuana makes me feel Lies

^ i liked how this sounded combined with the two lines before it..but those lines weren't great, just how it sounded with the rhyme scheme

ok piece overall

Damn Son, This Piece Was Really Deep Man I Like The Story Line Here It Was On The Right Track Like You Was Writing A Book. Very Emotional Man, The Imagery Was Really Good Dawg, You Had Some Good Vocabulary Here.Alot Of This Words Had A Good Meaning To Em I'm Glad To See There's More Ppl Writing Life Stories Like Mine, Then Writing This False Claims Of Rhymes. But Really The Emotion On This Piece Just Blew Me out The Water Man, Very Good Shit Here, Keep Em Dropping Hope To Collab With You Soon Now, I Know Alot About You Dawg, Just Like you Know Alot About Me. Good Shit Man Holla At Me

wow.. i really did like this O.M. man.. it is really nice.. like seriously.. flow was off at times but its cool cuz u make it up with the good emotion n lyrics u used in here.. i really liked it.. usually i dont like to read OM's n i didnt even wanna read thsi one lol but than after reading the first verse i was like wow good thing i read this lol. .very dope piece man like seriously much props.. shyt i hope u aint better than me :( *cries* lol.. wanna battle? ;) haha jk jk.. but yeah much props hommie..

7/10

yea i was mos def feeling this...as you know im not a real topical cat....

but this had real nice vocab in it....a great story line also...imagery was great in some part....not as great in others...but still good all the way through....shit was pretty ill man

i see your workin on using real multies lol....nah but for real...this was a good peice man....i was mos def feelin it

yea I like the story son...I think u forced the vocab in spots but the flow was good...nice multies some u didn't need but nice anyways...the story developed nicely...the way u ended it coulda been better...structure was tight...reall nice son...you def elevating alot son....keep it up......1

...very nice peice Para...

i've always liked your style..
let's see...Structure seemed to be onpoint all throught out the peice..
hmmm...Vocab was good throughout whole peice..
Great imagery, and flow was very nice..
i was feelin the whole peice..but i am not going to say your best..i've seen u do better..but you did have perfect structure throughout the whole peice...

props, CC AKA JK

Really good piece...

Flow and rhyme scheme were good and the structure was perfect. But what I noticed the most was the creativity and the imagery. Can tell you put a lot of effort into this and it came out great...keep droppin'

Return favour please...link in sig

That was very creative u had a good flow it had nice emotion u have alot of potential keep it up youll be going places for real :)

Nice Text style!

thanks a lot,

uppin high

Cool nice structured piece right here.
I liked the flow and the concept was
ok. Your vocabulary was pretty good
but you can elevate on better word
usage. I think I seen you struggle a
little with the vocabulary choice I know
you wanted your piece to flow, so it
can be hard to choose the right vocabulary and
have it flow....Anyways overall pretty decent.
The story line was constructed pretty good.


Stay droppin...

1

thanks a lot i appreciate the feedback,

uppin for some more..i cant wait to be in hof:)

damn that shit was ill....it sorta mixed tha story at the end cuz it was saying u were smoking and then u were moving and smoking with ur ad or sumthing..but this piece is one of the great ones man great job..deserves a nomination lol..ur flow was great 'cept u had a few questionable rhymes here and there but still good, I liked ur structure too...great piece...10/10..check mine out and leave feed man

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=212049

thanks a lot for the feedback

uppin for a 2nd page here,

please more feedback i'll rtf when i get back on tuesday

very dope...i enjoyed tha imagery...your whole verse sttod out to me pretty much...i could nt really see anything to improve here....everything really seemed to be on point...yur vocab was tight...i liked tha vocab you chose a lot matter of fact....your wordplay and structure was tight...all in all this piece was mad ill.....keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

that was dope homie, all i can say is im impressed i wana hear it over a track, good stuff man

thanks a lot, i dont think i'd record this because it dont really flow for me but yes thanks for the feed
upp