Shelly, The renegade of an alley cat.

Shelly, The renegade of an alley cat

every day the same routine
..standing on her corner to the concrete she leaned,
.. with her magazines, selling them for a buck and a half
with this sad expression drawn into her face, she couldnt laugh
cause she was.. lacking refinement, her 'being' was uncouth
resulted in an enduring of her necessary ethical truth
an unvarying & a habitual method of her procedures, it never changed
her thoughts deranged, .. & never exchanged..
& her teardrops reflects on the lights, the city shines so bright
so pure yet dangerous & unsecure she is wrong but in a way right
task's giving, remain unfulfilled & her blood is spilled
the jokes told, but the pranks killed .. so sad
all this time, bein obedient,tryin to protect, her self from a painfull furter hummiliation,
Cause in side her head its just a dubious unaccountable destroyed organisation,
the simple life, just breathing and walking the cold & wet earth
learning on the curve, trying to survive.. for what it was worth
but the question stays..will it ever change .. or always be the same?

than the renegade struck her & the thoughts just rattled on

what is it with life? & people that live the lifes
though you have this noticeable heterogeneity, we all do
not that we are deity, but in ways we are all true..
people characterized by the suppression of impulses
acting with istinctive motive's and discretion in pulses
formed together ..
as a group of symbols and figures
.. making a mathematical statement
though law enforcements tryed to stop it
.. with a rude fanatical abatement
knowing we are all part of this system trying to teach..
putting us in an exhilarating psychological state
of pride and optimism though our thoughts were bleached
people just trying to make a diference
with an excessive enthusiasm and intense devotion
a voice you can use but not to loud or w/ immense emotion
and the sentiment shared by most people living in tenement
cause we dont live in manors only face everyday struggles
no help from any enchanters
combined with mind growing hemorrhagic fevers
and we as puppets are the reciever..
with those gastrointestinal symptoms of capillary hemorrhage
turned us all in to non believers
resulting in to a sudden renegade
like elemental violence, without a proper science
releasing uncontrolled emotions resulting in a akward compliance
& you dont need any proof, that they condemned us and our youth
leaving us with a roughly approximate version of their truth..
taking a look at myself, trying to picture what its all about ..
and i feel it inside, it will happen .. i will cross my own restriction!
afraid for the results of this inner conflicts,
still not prepaired for any contradictions..
this psychologically habit-forming addiction that will once erupt
and profile its self in this weird unceremoniously brusque in my own manner
my system just corrupt ..
its so weird .. this lack of self-sufficiency
..with a strange dependency
just obsessed w/ a constitutional dark tendency ..
.. feeling gloomy and depressed
I confessed ... its pure truth .. i am ..
..influenced & controlled by this powerful force of strong emotions
tears struggling with my thoughts, causing a self esteem demotion
all this commotion resulted in this disorderly outburst ..
an ocean of pain took me under i was ..submersed
and than they say the suicide is painless.. but the pain just drives you suicidal
ending it all with this descriptive final of my own personal idyll ..
.. for all the due's i allready payed..
maybe thats why my uncontrolled inner conflicts resulted in a renegade.

..Shelly.

This was a really good piece and bro i wish i had posted my part to collab in this but you done well! I loved your rhymes and your flow it was the definition of fucking dope! You really got across about this girl g, I could of written sum deep lines blah" my loss! Nice wun bro, this piece was def dope :thumbup:

ill piece god...i liked imagery used tha vocab....i like tha wordplay and complexity incorporated in this....i felt tha emotion,very deep....it was layed out very nicely and it flowed well.....very dope piece...i liked it mos def...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

got damn gay people..

up

37 views 2 replys

wtf

you got to be fucking kidding me ..

This was a very well writtin piece, would make a good read outside a hip hop site. I loved the imagery and language you used. It almost felf like a rebelious speach. Was really feelin this piece man, you got alot of talent and should keep doin ya thing and use'in it
one luv

Yo return the favor on my Red Light District: Part 1 Thread

Edicius.. the OM King. lol
Got me constantly returnin to the OM section.
IIght, I like it how you wrote bout Shelly!
Very good vocab, not too long, not too short.
The very last verse is where the emotion kicks in.
Keep on doin ya thang!


hit up my OM with BTK

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ighlight=Queen

plz & THX!

thanks, upper

Honestly, this is about the third time I've attempted a reply on this piece. I just found it a bit, bizarre. The whole piece was a description of a person, a character; Shelly. I found it to be really poignant at times. Some of the lines you had in there, were just, golden, like: "people characterized by the suppression of impulses / Acting with instinctive motives, and discretion in pulses". Other parts were not phrased so well, and a lot of lines were overstretched, but on the whole, this was an enjoyable read, if a little odd.

lol, it was an potrait of her rattling mind..though disagree on what you say jekkyl cause people who are rattling like that, with an complexity of almost a somewhat disorderd person .. will result in what i told.. i think lol

Wow, VERY original, in a way...weird. Never seen anything like this, but the emotion was superb. Golden. Some lines were so deep it just left U speachless, know what im saying? Lost of words for how to describe it. This could very well be up there with one of the best pieces I have read. I especially like the extensive vocabulary...and how U did it so well...it didnt mess up the flow at all. And the flow was even throughout it all. Nothing really seemed forced, not even the ending in my POV, because it was building up to it the whole time.

Great piece...Overall - 10/10

thanks peoples ..

and than they say the suicide is painless.. but the pain just drives you suicidal

Dope line, I like the M*A*S*H reference...maybe you didn't mean to do it, but "Suicide is Painless" is the theme song to that show.

Anyway...

Damn, dude.

Sorry it took me so long, I've just been that busy.

But damn...

You went all out on this one. Your vocab is super over the top, but works real well for how you narrarated this one.

Man, your Shelly bitch is pretty fucked up.

But this was real nice, man...I'd almost go so far as to say Legendary...it's complex, real complex...cuz it takes a bit to know what the fuck you and her are talking about.
Then, and I hope this is correct...but it seem to just kinda be rambling...insane shit bouncing around her head, killing her ego, her normalcy...pretty much leaving her a bag lady, street lady type of person. Well, at least she has some kinda job...the magazines...but it ain't much of a life.

Intense shit, Eddy.

Peace

i aint read any of your pieces in damn ages, but this one i have to say impressed me, you certainlly got alot of aspects of life and society thru in her story, well done, and it also progressed nicely along the way, long yea, but full... nice writing

..This has got to be one of the best/most interesting pieces RB's had in a fucking long while!

NICEEEEEEEEE. awesome flow it made it very easy to read..i heard alot about this peice form a couple of mah friends and they said it was incredible so i said ill check it out and its awesome.. the srtucture was very very very good i think its one of th best. very nice topic very nice peice overall 10/10 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feffinately a perfect score because it was very interesting and nicely played fromt he topic keep it up :)

word y0