There can be only one,,, From collaberations

PT 1: -Bounce

It is he, the son of perdition;
…the Lawless one, the idol Shepard, the Assyrian, the willful king
the wicked one, the adversary, the enemy,& the spoiler of dreams…

…His true title’s been referenced but once in the living bible
Tribal rivals question their preference each N every revival
Denial of the wicked N vial will only allow the likud it’s trial
Hostile nations are united under feign of his defiant reign
Later to be slain all the same under Babylon’s system of bane
Distain drips from the lips of this political serpent in deceit
Concrete grips rip at the scripts maintained by the social elite
Replete his thirst for blood watering at the jugular of cognition
'tis but the price of admission when whore’n w/the opposition
Face recognition or perish at the hands of his treasonous wake
For goodness sake! …your so called psuedo-messiah’s a fake!…

"Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ?
He is Antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son” (1 John 2:22)

There can be only one…
…an ominous leader, skilled in the covert use of his firery tongue
gone undetected it is certain, into The End of Times we are flung…

-Antichristos/Antichrist.............................................
.................................................. .........There can be only one-

I liked this a lot... Your style is flawless... Your vocabulary was excellent... The imagery was great. I felt the lines were slightly long, however, that does not particularly matter as the quality of the piece was very good. It could've been longer, but I appreciate that this was for the topical collaborations league, so it needs to be short. The bible reference provided good context and made this a more 'real' read, as if this were a true story.

I was impressed, as always.... Nice piece... If you could check out one of the pieces in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44&postcount=6

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&postcount=10

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deviate

I liked this a lot... Your style is flawless... Your vocabulary was excellent... The imagery was great. I felt the lines were slightly long, however, that does not particularly matter as the quality of the piece was very good. It could've been longer, but I appreciate that this was for the topical collaborations league, so it needs to be short. The bible reference provided good context and made this a more 'real' read, as if this were a true story.

I was impressed, as always.... Nice piece... If you could check out one of the pieces in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

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Thanks for your time man, it's appreciated. I feel you on the length, but everything I had to say was said, this was merley an intro into the Anti-christ angle we werte going with. My partner must of decided my portion was enofor the win, or he must of knew there was going to be a no show.

I'll develope the second part to thsi if he has not already. The reason it felt like a real story, is because this IS biblical NON fiction, if you are a beliver. We've all heard the stories, so I was playing on that... We all know the times we live in, again I was playing on that.

Line lenght, well for me this is shorter than I'd normally go, I tend to write for audio at about 18-24 syllable per line, I know it sounds like a lot, but I do spit in upwards of 20 syllables a lin in audio easlily. So when I write, I write for audio, eveything I drop here winds up in an audio, so I continue to write with that in mind. I remember SMZ once mentioned the same thing in a topical tourney, then he became familar with my audios, and was like oh, I see now...

I'm glad you brought that up, tells me you know where your own limits are, a good writter will know those things about their self. I like that, my fortee is a furious onslught of syllables, so I tend to write as such... Makes the most sense....

Makes sense... That's why it's often hard to leave detailed analytical feedback for other people as you're really trying to interpret someone else's ideas... Writing style... Most pieces will be individual apart from the 'gangsta' pieces on here. Developing your own style is integral in your growth as a writer... I find that criticising other people's style can cause problems for this process... Throw people off what could've been the right path.

But anyway... This was a nice piece... I never usually consider syllable count, I just try to express my thoughts over a topic... My concepts. However, I suppose it's the next step for me to work with the technical aspects. Your pieces have helped me aspire to be a better writer and to work with things like that.

Keep writing though, you have an incredible talent with writing and you shouldn't forget that.

Thanks for the words man. I think you got things down for the most part, now you just need to work on concepts. I think your writting is solid, now you need to up that mind game, once you have that down, you will then be where you want to be. I have faith, if you ever need some one on one help, just ask man...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bounce

PT 1: -Bounce

It is he, the son of perdition;
…the Lawless one, the idol Shepard, the Assyrian, the willful king
the wicked one, the adversary, the enemy,& the spoiler of dreams…

…His true title’s been referenced but once in the living bible
Tribal rivals question their preference each N every revival
Denial of the wicked N vial will only allow the likud it’s trial
Hostile nations are united under feign of his defiant reign
Later to be slain all the same under Babylon’s system of bane
Distain drips from the lips of this political serpent in deceit
Concrete grips rip at the scripts maintained by the social elite
Replete his thirst for blood watering at the jugular of cognition
'tis but the price of admission when whore’n w/the opposition
Face recognition or perish at the hands of his treasonous wake
For goodness sake! …your so called psuedo-messiah’s a fake!…

"Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ?
He is Antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son” (1 John 2:22)

There can be only one…
…an ominous leader, skilled in the covert use of his firery tongue
gone undetected it is certain, into The End of Times we are flung…

-Antichristos/Antichrist.............................................
.................................................. .........There can be only one-

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Well, this is yet, I feel an exceptinally excellent drop. I was feeling this from beginning to end. I really like the concepts used, as well as the imagery, your structure is justkilla When it comes to settn up ya lins, and verses to follow and flow evenly, the metaphourical aspect, and the twist that was taken, damn. delivery was really good and consistent. the vivdness that your verse portrays, is like none of any topicals I read before. The ride that you take your reader on, once they start readn ya topicals is just like watchn your favorite movie, ya never get enough. Overall Bounce, this was a really good piece, to the point, quick but yet just enough to make you want more... I really enjoy reading your topicals Bounce, and look forward to reading more from you in the near future. pz. ~Excellent

It is he, the son of perdition;
…the Lawless one, the idol Shepard, the Assyrian, the willful king
the wicked one, the adversary, the enemy,& the spoiler of dreams…

felt this opener flow was reall nice on it .

His true title’s been referenced but once in the living bible
Tribal rivals question their preference each N every revival
Denial of the wicked N vial will only allow the likud it’s trial
Hostile nations are united under feign of his defiant reign

first 2 lines on this was fire flowed liek water vocab is nice .

Distain drips from the lips of this political serpent in deceit
Concrete grips rip at the scripts maintained by the social elite

these 2 were my fave bars in this piece fire .

Face recognition or perish at the hands of his treasonous wake
For goodness sake! …your so called psuedo-messiah’s a fake!…

liked this alot.

There can be only one…
…an ominous leader, skilled in the covert use of his firery tongue
gone undetected it is certain, into The End of Times we are flung…

bang tht is real .

you bought fire on ths vocab was excellent all the way throught flow was nice topic was nice everything about it was good on a real keep it up bruv -1-

Very good piece. Come to expect stuff like this from you.

I liked the interpretation of this piece, went with in my eyes a quite unorthodox approach which sets it out from the other pieces.

The vocab was excellent, gave the piece that extra edge.

This was a very remarkable piece. Keep it up.

Wow, nice work Bounce, this was almost flawless, a great piece.

yeah, it seemed short yet you wrote it for the TC tournament and there was going to be another part, so I feel you on that, I think you got across what you wanted to with this length anyway man. Your vocab was outstanding, not at all simplistic but still made it all flow well, this was really strong piece vocabulary wise, something I think you excel in... This was also very creative, its good to see you using the topic you were given this way, your creativity shone here and it all made up for a great read.

Overall, Im sorry this is weak feed but I really liked this piece, the vocab maybe the strongest I read in a while, well done Bounce.

Peace.

Nice work bounce.

Imagery was amazing, And your vocab keeps improving every drop........Every piece u drop, Collab or not, i have to read instantly. There is really nothing else to critique on this, just yto say this was flat out great man.

Peace

Thanks all, I really apprciate your support, and I'm glad you guys enjoy my work. I just wish I had more time to write excluslivly for RB, most my writting is never posted on RB, but i will try to drop more here.

up before the end of the month

Forgot to nominate this...i'll go and nominate it now.I'm to lazy to copy/paste my reply from the tournament.Again very nice work Bounce.Props.

I don't get why people are talking about imagery.

Anyway, this was a nice piece. I wouldn't apply the description to anyone in politics now, so I'm guessing that this is directed at as future person, as the bible predicts. I like that you used that scripture to strengthen what you were saying. Everything flowed well and made for an easy read. Good shit, as expected. Keep up the good work

Ps. I don't know what "likud" is. Am I stupid? :(

You should it rhymes with wicked... lol

Nah it's a far right wing conservative movement out of Isreal that mirrors those in opposition to Isreal, so it's safe to say that if they got their way, it be the same as the radical followers of Islam getting their way. Either way, we'd all be fucked... in a nutshell, and thanks for you feed man.

Nice shit, amigo...

How'd I miss it?

Short. To the point.

Great multi's and rhymes...though some of ya spelling sucked!

But great descriptions of his evilness (if that's a word)...

Wicked's bitchin cuz this doesn't have imagery as in "detailed descriptions of a house" type shit...the imagery this does give, at least to me, is pretty much of hell. I mean, I picture a blood red sky...almost orange...kinda like a dawn type shadow cast over a mountainous horizon...thousands of slave type peeps suffer and work hard labor at the foot the mountain, screams and cries are constant...I picture the antichrist as only a shadowous form...black, man shaped, but much larger...overseeing the suffering he's caused with pride and delight...

Then...slowly...the land below takes on a more detailed shape...

And remember, this is all and only in my head...

Does the land below begin to take the shape of Iraq...

The suffering thousands are now revealed as soldiers...both Iraqi and ours...

And the antichrist reveals himself as George Bush!

Now, Bounce...and Wicked...

THAT'S how you provide imagery!

Note: Bounce, that may not be the imagery you were going for, but alas, I don't know my bible real well so this is what I saw it as.

Real dope piece, man.

Wow son.. I'm impressed..
Internal rhyming was off the heez..
Some multies here n there..
Flow was on lock.. Structure is cool..
Fresh topic.. Something ya dont see..
And you came at it correct..
You have a mass of talent son..
Return the favor..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=206267