Death Before Dishonour - Phobia & Deviate

Death Before Dishonour
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.The View Of The Samarai
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.
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Souls ride their wave of glory across the scorched earth,
Sweeping dust up in celebration of their minds rebirth.
Squinting into the sun looking for his lost companions,
Gleaming medallions coat the roaming batallions...
Pain is but a name for the feelings I contract everyday,
Scraped the million days of suffering in this conclave...
Written history in sealed sword wounds across my back,
Pure energy seaping through the cracks of the didactic.
Thousands of them stand grasping their rifles happily,
Wouldn't expect a sword to have the force of insanity.
.
.
.
A lone bullet swirls gracefully through the war cloud,
Strafing left in dissection metal greets metal disemboweled.
The metaphoric seperation of my enemies phallic power symbol,
The simple ornament of creations ridicule in two parts from the middle.
Raising the sword in symettrical segregation of my face,
A hoard of disillusioned soldiers grind across the animation of this place.
Screams echo from the dark pits of pain eliminating the happiness I feign,
"Death before dishonour" is whispered as I glide out into the rain.
Compressed moisture droplets impact on my skull preparing,
Harrowing images evoke mental collapsing as I erase everything...
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.
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Opposing magnetic fields vibrate my body as I elevate,
Seeds crack from two metres... The message of the inseminate.
Placenta popping silently in the depths of living corpses,
Center for dimentia as souls are torn from their horses.
Remorse is but a fleeting dream I wish the enemy could feel,
The one thing they came to our villages and didn't steal.
Surfing the waves of blood stained stone I swipe,
Extend death's life into their punctured wind pipes.
Gracefully turning from one toe to another transferring,
The weight is in my sword not in my....
....................................... Haemoraghing.
My body keeps turning as my foot stays in the same position,
Artistic slice severes my left shin in passionant incision.
The back of my skull pierced by pure heat ends thought,
As my forehead explodes in the celebration of honour that I have sought.
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.


.
"De-a-th be-f-ore dis-h................"


The View Of The Soldier

I stand alone, The grey skies above creating a pathetic fallacy
I Sigh and moan, Not knowing if ill conceive or get my victory
My thoughts and visions are contradictory, I see red and feel death
This is my battle, Finally ill get to lay my thoughts to rest
Although I seem calm, Inside my blood boils, Waiting to Kill
Serving up this thrill, I stand in silence as the wind gives the chill
Im standing still untill, the people around me decide to attack
Its love we lack, But for me Im just waiting for some bones to crack....

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.
.
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Battle engaged we rush forward as one, Guns blazing
I see red ahead, As I run forward my body raging
It aint phazing, Is there a reason for this bloody war
I battle in vein, Raging against opponents like a wild bore
I see limbs tore, A serenade of bullets pass through the air
My gun vs their sword, Try and test me if you dare
A wild scare, They approach, My gun firing drastically
Fallen bodies begin to hit the ground, I shoot enthuastically
And so sarcastically I laugh, The fallen around me in a blood bath
They try again, perplexed in pain, But they feel my wrath
I battle in vein, The samarai`s around me touched by my shots
Taking aim, There leader in the distance, down I squat
And a lone shot is fired, The lone bullet darts through the sky
A direct hit, straight into the chest sets me off on a high
His end is nigh.....
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He falls to the floor, Meaning nothing to me
Another battle won, And how it was so easy
It pleases me, Back home I approach my house
My mind is pleased, Knowing my where abouts
I ended a drought, Had not killed for a while
But now its over, Its brought me a smile
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So I carry on, Living my life as I normally would
I dont think about the death, Knowing I should
I know I could, But I just wouldnt wanna..
So I fall to sleep...
....Laughing at the samarais rule of death before dishonour



Samarai= Deviate
Soldier = Phobia

#1

#2

And Up..


All feed wil be returned by me and deviate, so thats 2 for the 1 :)

:hump:

I thought the concept for this was pretty cool taking the two sides and there's a lot of truth to those two views. The part from the Samurai I felt started slow as I feel it lacked a true introduction, but after that was excellent. The vocab was extremely complex and yet everything still flowed and wasn't forced.

The soldier's piece was more simplistic in vocabulary which seemed to me like it was done on purpose to show the soldier's more simplistic track of mind and only worrying about killing and not honor. The conclusion was a perfect ending, that really tied the whole piece together well.

Overall I really liked this, lots of deep emotion and a good story

woa, this was great, man............um.... Super rhymes, and great flow.."Battle engaged we rush forward as one, Guns blazing
I see red ahead, As I run forward my body raging
It aint phazing, Is there a reason for this bloody war
I battle in vein, Raging against opponents like a wild bore" this was tight.. 9/10:)

The format's a little different for the Topical Collaborations post... But yeah you get to see the two seperate verses here.

Thanks for the feed...

Peace

I liked the imagery, raw metaphors, the vocab was decent keep spittin

Lol and up.

mad imagery sick rhymes i actualy felt like i was there
that shit is like a story keep posting

this was a pretty nice piece, had good imagery ...well painted. the flow was pretty nice. Vocab was complex....the concept was well developed and original. Telling the story from both sides was a good idea. a bit long but worth the read. I liked the second verse the most.

Meh,

Others? leave links

guys good job,
really nice vocab used, i loved the two opposing views and how the stories told inter-twine,
two very strong verses, imagery was great you know, a real picture was painted with words.
It was weird because i know both of your styles, and when i read the bottom i realised that it was the other way around..
keep it up dudes

Up.

this was like some lyrical poetry shit. lolz im feelin it though, its pretty serious. I feel like you should work on your rhymin structure though, as some of it didnt really go with your content. But other than that, great use of imagery and great vocab fam. Stay up bro. -one-

Deviate & Phobia...to start off the structure is nice. which makes this piece interesting to read. Good use of vocabulary, and good concepts. I liked the soldier one better. Also good imagery. Phobia we should do a colaboration if you accept!

Up.

Dope piece fam.

Everything went well, Deviates verse was excellent.....Vocab was amazing, and your rhyme scheme was great.....Phobia's was nice to, This collab was dope.............Im collabing next fool :mad:

Lol, But aside that, this is a nice piece.

Keep Dropping, Peace

Wah.
WaH.

Deviate - Try to work away from the samurai it was leik omg... You did a nice job ho.

Phobia - Good structure from both I can say it'was a good collab, I got the belt, I got the boots, Boy, lemme walk in the closet for somethin.

HELLPPPpPppp I got a bad date
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

*hahahaahaha*

G'job.

And up.

loved the concept of it takin the stoty from two sides.
it was nice an kinds poetic but i liekd it like that vocab was nice
i liekd the soldier one better personally.
the imagery was really strong in this could picture it in my head.
loved the rhyming in it aswell.

Battle engaged we rush forward as one, Guns blazing
I see red ahead, As I run forward my body raging
It aint phazing, Is there a reason for this bloody war
I battle in vein, Raging against opponents like a wild bore
I see limbs tore, A serenade of bullets pass through the air
My gun vs their sword, Try and test me if you dare

really liekd htis part.

A lone bullet swirls gracefully through the war cloud,
Strafing left in dissection metal greets metal disemboweled.
The metaphoric seperation of my enemies phallic power symbol,
The simple ornament of creations ridicule in two parts from the middle.
Raising the sword in symettrical segregation of my face,
A hoard of disillusioned soldiers grind across the animation of this place

liekd this aswell.


overall yeh this was very very nice described everything well liked reading it ill give it a 8/9 / 10 stay up -1-

love the way you grabbed my attention w/ the imagery, you kinda lost me in the middle tho. but it was tight

Pretty Decent Piece. Phobia, I liked your verse, but I really didnt like to read words that I can't even pronounce, I don't want to read it with good flow, then just come up with some chinese word or whatever that noone can pronounce lol. Deviate, your verse really stuck out in this piece, I really enjoyed it. You told the story pretty well, nothing seemed rushed, and everything made sense. Overall, a pretty enjoyable read.

Thanks for all the feedback... It's appreciated. We won this round through our opponents no-showing, at least we got some feedback here though.