Tim Corleone vs Sir Veilence [Elite Topical]

you called me out in a PM so i accpect

Topics to choose from

Last Day
The Final Walk
Death Row Calling

10 lines +

Due Thursday 12:00 am Pacific Time

500 + to vote or SS member

checkin

go ahead and choose the topic

in.

all topics seem to be very simular..

Blah.. make it Last Day

could we possibly make the line limit just 10 and above? because i might go over 20..

do what ever you would like sir

dope.

G/L Tim

Uppin

Dont forget about this Timmy...

word ill be dropping when i get home today from school

wordums go ahead and drop i just need 4 lines

The Aftermath

On the roof shaking & sweating victim in my site
Taking a life getting ready to kill, is this one Right
All my nerves intact and my sniper Wesson Drawn
Can’t hold back the hyper aggression this dudes gone
It was grosser then shit till it was opened and dripped
I unloaded the clip and His head exploded and ripped
I poured lead through his back and then his fore head
& all the gore bled in the cracks and created more red
I was crying out loud and ran down to his side screamin
Trying to revive him in the crowd not bothering leavin
Momma, Please look at your son, look at what I've done
& I always thought I'd be the strong one in this long run
I wont weep for my loved one, but maybe cry tonight
One day I shall see the light, you and me will reunite
you need not hold that weight, for you were just so great
Don’t be afraid, as you venture through the Golden Gates

The Beginning

Father, forgive me for what I'm feeling inside
It's so hard for a vandal to handle dealing with pride
I don't want beef to start, I'd rather keep this heartfelt
But although it's hard, I gotta play the cards I've been delt
To hold his soul in my clutch and crush his skull into mush
But how do I Kill someone that I love and respect so much?
This Man taught me self defense, and built my confidence
And With common sense towards any man I fought against
He was always there for me, teaching me giving free lessons
And I confess, to you lord that he answered all my questions
Trying to add to the respect you've earned from your preachings
So I can keep you on my side and learn from your teachings
Like a pacifist who never asked for this, now I'm surrounded
Im down for the count, but there must be some way around it
This is my Confession lord I pray remember all the time we had
I find it kind of sad for this is the last day.......I love you Dad

koo...

ill drop in like five minutes..

Last Day.

He was running from nothing, all except his own behavior
A young black male named Exavior, that didn’t have a savior
Had good Charisma on stage an got his experience with age
A great life, at least as it appeared, not a single sign of rage
Read every single page of his books as a boy, a lover not a fighter
Grew to love rap, girls, and money, he became a talented writer
Used to battle his friends every day at school in the lunch room
Got a reputation as a rapper, that was good with the punch too
An’ as soon as he’d come through, the others would all move
He was smooth, any emotion in human veins, his lyrics could sooth
Had any girl in the school, he was more then good with the looks
Known as crook yet he got straight A’s, and was good with the books
Life was straight and narrow, but with rap it was bound to turn around
One day he got jumped after a battle, and was pounded to the ground
He turned 16 two days later, quit school and put his books on the shelf
He was bruised and battered over words, and his “friends” didn’t help
They couldn’t tell what he was thinking, his parents were shocked
He stayed in his room for 3 hours on his b-day, his bedroom was locked
His father panicked in a fast paste then broke the door down in a fast way
The 16th anniversary of his first time on earth, was also his last day….

R.I.P
Exavior

Honest votes please.

i dont want to lose because tim has more net friends then me, if i lose i want it to be fair.

good job Tim, g/l with the votes.

leave links and we will both get to them.

take that shit to the poetry room. Both of u. That aint battling that is bullshit. Besides, it looks and sounds like u the same person. Like 1 person wrote all those words. Y'all need to quit frontin and take your story tellin shit soemwhere else. U r supposed to be batling. That means clown on eachother and try to make the other person feel stupid. Not see who can tell the best story.

I'm glad I cant vote for this shit cuz it's "WACK" as "HELL".

This is a TOPICAL battle.

learn how to read. then talk to me

^lol....you definetly arent from MY state. No sir...i sure wouldnt "want" to be "you" right now.

good batttle

Tim-outstanding job man..you had great imagery..your content was expressed very well man..i love the way you worded your lines..you did a good job of showing how deep you felt with the topic..your choice of wording was great..i love your rhymes..the vocab was also good..overall great job man..i love the confidence and fought against line..that was really dope

Cru-you did good man..for your first topical..this one really wasnt all that bad..you can tell your starting though..and in topicals..you really dont want to worry about multis as much as you made sure for them to be in there..in a topical..try to make more content..instead of worring about finding a multi..your imagery was good..your content was ok..vocab wasnt all that strong...but you did a good job


v/tim

uppin for votes..

..please leave feed..

and links

Crucial, I'm more of a text battler so I don't generally vote on topicals, but I always return the favor, this was a good one.

Tim - I felt you started shaky and that some of your vocab at the beginning could have been better flowing, but you picked it up as you went along. I felt as you went along the feelings and emotions got deeper and deeper and you actually cared about the character when he died. I think I've seen better vocab from you, but this was good and the flow was nice. Good piece.

Sir - Nice piece as well, I just wish you had written more. I felt the length of Tim's allowed him to not only storytell but to work with emotions and get deep. I felt yours was more storytelling like this happened then this happened then this happened. On the plus side you did flow very nicely and your vocab was actually decent, just not enough emotion I felt for you to win this.

Vote - Tim

Tim- you had good emotion in this verse, good stoytelling but i noticed your vocabulary was really simple, i seen you had slim multies in every line and some didnt have any! it coo tho topicals dont NEED multies but it could of helped your verse flow better...overall i good lenght verse that kept me reading but i know youre a topical head and i know you coulda dropped better

Sir- you surprised me with your verse, straight fire homie! it flowed smoother than a waterfall, nice multies which made it flow even better! great imagery but i felt your lenght was shorter and reduced tha emotion in your verse, but in my opinion your verse was better than Tim's, better overall stroy and imagery!

v-Sir

thanks DaTrusHurtz and Unmerkable for the votes..........

vote honestly and leave links.............

Uppin 1 leave links and ill get back to them

This was coo, You both had good ideas and played as a different murderer, which made it pretty interesting.

Tim - Your opening aftermath was very well presented, *spoilers* Having told how you had picked off a poor man with your sniper.. Very well done, the second verse had a little bit more of a poetic sort of, more detailed way explaining some things, which was a turn on compared to your first.. Which played a hardcore badass. Well timmy, nice job. I know it may not be my place to judge your writing, for I may not be as well firmly positioned at topical battling myself, but I'll still give suggestions wheras in the future will make my reading of your work more pleasurable: More details! You were on the point and straight with it, but get dirty.. Give some backrounds of the characters, who, where, why, the whole deal! Also, when I had finished your verse, I had read it aloud to see if it had any on-line beat.. It did, but fell off in some points for being so short-lined. It seemed like you were just telling a slow, rhyming story. If you can fix it, I'd like it better.

Crow - You did well-mannered in your attempts to play the killer, but you were a little more blunt and back to the everyday to day life kind of thing, which is a played concept but one of the classics. Your read was pretty good, the flow of it didn't match exactly but you had your characters on key... As for the story-line, also basic, but seemed a little more about itself than others, you had a good way of expressing it, but sorry.. It's just been used in too many last year kind of things before. (You may not get that.) either way, you did a nice job, I expected more out of you though, to tell the truth. But it was allright, try making the verse a little more prepared, as if reading straight from a book. I mean, this is the internet, reading is what we do... And nothing is more original than the look of a perfectly fine printed text. Nice try, and keep doing topical, you'll get there soon.

v/ - Core.