Just a lil FREEstyle

K
when i spit i knock lyrical competitors off tha chart
some people say raps crap
i say my "craps" art
I got 9 "9s" 10 "10 cals" 45 "4-5s" and im usin bullets up like they were dimes
i got money flowin,cars droppin their hood,spinner chrome rims ,oh man im feelin good
Beef with me in tha hood,will soon become war
walked up to my exs house,kicked down the door
slapped both her parents,stabbed her dog and called her a whore
IM A HUSTLLLLA BABY
my rhymin style is unique and untouceable its silly
how a broke kid can come from nothing to being big
like tha Beverlly hill billys
but im fucked in the head,i got suicidal tendences
with a homocial rappin ablity
genocide as my main objective and mat and patracide as a possiblity
but not fatricide,i wont kill my brotha.....
but im fucked up enough in this shit to take out my motha
BANG BANG BANG
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
everybody jump when tha hand hits 12 on tha clock
and everybody with ya gun pull tha hammer back and just stop
when i hit my last verse let off a full clip of tha glock
everybody with a whore come, to tha dance floor and wipe off ya cock
LADIES!!!!!!
on tha sidelines not feeling this shit
im gonna make jump so much that this cd will skip
well this my last verse,if you got a gun in tha room
go ahead
Blast off that clip with a boom
(Gunshots)

I dunno how i did i threw thing together literally right now
would like feedback
thanks :thumbup:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...37#post2252837

and

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post2252847

This was alright here man...I actually found it cool...had a kinda fast pace flow to it, well thats how i took it as and read it as and i think it worked well that way...pretty good though...Maybe a few more multies scattered in there but other than that i liked it...structure was a little different than what im used to though...But it worked for you and thats all that matters really...But other than that keep it up man.

man i HATED THAT....and i doubt it was a frestyle if ur writin that shit on a computer.....

"a lil freestyle" thats didnt fukn work out..man u make me laugh!

lol.....guess your names right
you are lyrical "DISASTER"


Uppin this bitch anyway

This was alright but it needed to be a bit more witty, i always write these types of pieces you know bragging and aggresive but i always add in a couple of punchlines so it doesnt get boring i think you should of done that with this piece. The structure needs work the vocab wasnt bad but needs to be improved the flow wasnt there so just keep writing and you'll pick up different flows and styles but next time you write a piece like this try and add a couple of funny metaphors or punches.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=183323

uppin for feedback

ill battle you right now biatch! yall got nothing on me you say youz a gangsta? pft man you a wangsta, fitty style.
yo man imma take yall down. anyone wanna battle me? ill take them yo.
peace niggazzzzz.-

....................

....................

you think this is a joke? heres my rap for tha battle:
you rhymes are weak, mine are super strong,
My muscles blazin and ma girl rocks a thong,
You think this is a joke, man you straight up trippen,
Ima make this pg-13 and use the word flippin',
I got skillz, everyone knows it,
the task is unbearable, don't under go it!
That’s the end of the rhyme as one would say
Im signing off as the happenest rapper in da USA!

Battle me PuSsAy!

this is not the place for a battle dipshit

Okay Big your a lame ass stop,
even most of the noweights here say your not that hot
you,ll never have a deal,your ass will never make a hit
your names pretty much true,you make BIG SHIT
you ain't callin beef,when i spit you,ll be callin it off
your rhyme style is the most fucked up thing since the Halocaust
say your gonna make this shit PG-13,i read your shit
that should be rated G...that stuff is dis-ney.....
i can picture your wack ass hangin out with M-I-C-K-E-Y
M-O-U-S-E
your not even a fucking gangsta,your ass is Goof-Yyyyy
so quit it man,I made you eat your words and your stuffed
your better off not rhyming so
SHUT THE FUCK UP

and THIS was a true story.......The Big Bitch

that was the worst dusplay of gangsta ive eva heard

u suck

This comin from mr.
you rhymes are weak, mine are super strong,
My muscles blazin and ma girl rocks a thong,

Yeah this is greeeaat wordplay

You think this is a joke, man you straight up trippen,
Ima make this pg-13 and use the word flippin',

wtf is this the first line was decent but then you killed it

I got skillz, everyone knows it,
the task is unbearable, don't under go it!

E for effort

That’s the end of the rhyme as one would say
Im signing off as the happenest rapper in da USA!

Happenest not in the USA...im sure some 3rd world countries like your rhyming style
but here....not so much

Okay no more shit
let me get some feedback on this people

it was ok...need alot of work...nothin was really hott to me...sorta fast pace...datz ok...work on ya vocab...elevate b..EZ

You had some wordplay in there, keep that up. It is needed for a piece like this to stay interesting. Work on your structure, you had to get to the rhymes quicker in some places. Continue to practice writing, and go into detail with a topic.
Check out "Mentally Wealthy" in my sig.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tHe BiG sHiT

that was the worst dusplay of gangsta ive eva heard

u suck

---

yo y dont u stfu u fucking hoe.And spak$ that was some nice shit man i was really feeling the flow to man good job.

This was a little simple man, try adding a bit of OOMPH! to your piece, something people will want to read you know?

You're vocab is alright i guess, Id like to see how you were on a topical...

Keep em up

Peace.

yo that was pretty tight you had fast flow and you had good vocab so good job man

Thanks for the feedback on this people