Bruised Knuckles

My life is based on pride, just look in my eyes
Suprised, out of my life a gladiator could rise
.
.
.
.
From the start my heart was always suspect
Growing up with no folks, scrappin to pay rent
Bending moral fibers with violence
Breaking limbs became my sense...
...of accomplishment
A badass, call me a bastard, I've had it
So I'd hit with right crosses and leg kicks
And armbars, and chokes, but still I'm broke
Too proud to beg for the money for a coat
Or even a case of coke...
Instead bread and water plus whatever I stole
This role would continue
People saw me in my own venue
Not knowing the corner I'm backed into
Borrowed money from sharks, interest stacking
Even sleeping in the park had to watch my back and...
be ready to attack attackers sent by their backers
to take care of a debt from this hardened slacker
When finally they find me, I'm ready for whats come
as I take a bat to the ribs, and a whip from a gun
When I try to run, I'm beat so instead of retreat
I slap on a guillotine while stomping feat
Not letting go until no breathe is felt
Knowing in my moral fiber I'm going to hell
For killing men just sent for their job
And knowing damn well it was only my fault
So instead of facing the facts my ethics are lost and buckle
I'm finally broken...
...and to show for it, all I have is my bruised knuckles




Replied to:
More stuff than you've ever written

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Nice piece... Relatively good vocabulary and flow. It is a topic covered by many writers but you wrote well with it... It was quite emotional which was enhanced by imagery and metaphor. I've never seen your pieces but this was good... The structure could've been a little better and maybe a little better vocabulary. It also could've been longer... However, I don't want to overly criticize because this was a nice piece.

There isn't much more for me to say except nice work... If you could check out "Tears of the World" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

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go0d flow nice piece straight up shyea

I thought the concept was good. You put emotion in the verse. You told the story well, and had some nice rhyming thrown in. You were pretty descriptive which strengthened the message. Vocab was alright, and the flow was good with the multis that were in the piece.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182641

woot

This was a pretty good piece, it lacked the descriptive imagery I like to see..but had to the point imagery..which in this case was just as effective, and dramatic turning of events..i didn't see much of that...but this was more of a "get the message?" type piece...so that wasn't needed...for what it was...it was done quite well...good work

Blicka blaow

I enjoyed this work. Told a good story, and flowed well throught. The vocab worked well for the piece, and the imagery was sound. Could have maybe done with a few multies, but's about it really. Good piece in all. Very nice finishing line too. Good stuff.

woot

liked the concept and the straightforward delivery of it. you managed to capture the mood of the narrator on this piece, the vocab could've been a little more sophisticated but the piece was fine without it. i spotted a couple of mult's which helped the flow and i really liked the last couple of lines of the piece.

keep posting. if you could rep one of mine i'd appricaite it.

:thumbup:

Well, my man...

Definitely not your best.

But definitely good.

I felt this was more poetry than rap. Your scheme was very off at times...
No real pattern that I could see.

This sounded, in my head, like more of a Def Poetry reading than a rap.

Good, deep, always emotional from Chritty.

Peace

This Was Iyte In Some Parts There Was Nice Imagery And In Some It Was Lacking It
Tha 'Flow' Looked to Be Kool But Mor Poetic Thn Anythin...Cnt Relli See Anythin That Any1 Else Hasnt Said......
Was A Good Read...Pz

Nice peice.

I liked the way you began, Nice rhyming scheme.

Structure was different, but nice. Definatly a good drop.
And like Btk said it was more poetical.

Fav Lines

My life is based on pride, just look in my eyes
Suprised, out of my life a gladiator could rise
.
be ready to attack attackers sent by their backers
to take care of a debt from this hardened slacker
When finally they find me, I'm ready for whats come
as I take a bat to the ribs, and a whip from a gun
When I try to run, I'm beat so instead of retreat
I slap on a guillotine while stomping feat
Not letting go until no breathe is felt
Knowing in my moral fiber I'm going to hell
For killing men just sent for their job
And knowing damn well it was only my fault
So instead of facing the facts my ethics are lost and buckle
I'm finally broken...
...and to show for it, all I have is my bruised knuckles

your rhymes sucked, simplistic shit y0 ` :rolleyes:

it was aight, you can do better.