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Lost innocence
Lost innocence
The Devil whipsers Tom...
One year ago:
God help me,
God help me…
I’m seeing living nightmares with grieving warfare,
Thoughts blare restless in my mental state pleading for air,
Eternal Lord…uncord with your wisely eternal word,
Timely reword and finally accord to give me new reason,
My childish treason to a life ruled by cruel television,
Video games give me a new vision with a world in flames,
On the path of collision imaginary is real and reality fades,
I have nothing but prays towards your good will to save,
My own soul from demons eating judgment’s essence from me,
I see me now in the present…I’m not what I used to be…
Present:
God, I no longer need you,
God, I no longer need you....
Video games and television gave me the new reason,
Await more then petulant the new Counter Strike season,
Filled with petulance………blood spilled without a reason,
I now understand the beauty in a perfect,while moving,headshot,
Death’s hand fury unfolds like Diablo’s own words to put a stop,
To undeserving souls that only rot in senseless insignificant lives,
And as an infant cries so pain will capture their eyes when people,
Will realize my power when death shall ripple and cripple them,
When I sterilize the earth from those undeserving of birth…and,
Then shall arise the god that I am when I cram bullets like damn
I am worst than the Son of Sam…Hope shall collapse like an anvil,
Because I live my live backwards……but so LiveD the DeviL…
Thoughts transmitted inwards………………….life of a rebel,
I squandered infinite armies with deadly swords,with heavy words
Guiding me,I wandered endlessly,lurking in the shadow of empires,
I brought them to their fires because of my greedy desires…
So God…I no longer need you…I now have my friend:the gun,
Television Matrix,I Am The Chosen One…so this means,
I am also The Lord Of The Rings…Freddy Kruger in sins,
Killing people in their dreams,I bring fear like shark fins…
No…I no longer need you…I rule my world,not you…
Three days after (takes his dad’s gun and goes to school) :
Same weekday…the same way,having to put up with this jerks,
My classmates are fools and fuck my teacher’s homeworks,
Fuck the school rules…time to show them all:
So when the teacher starts to mock him for not knowing a simple question,and when he sees all his classmates laughing,he takes out his gun and…
The killer instinct has truly awaken,till now somehow forsaken,
Time to be extinct and overtaken,so send my regards to Satan!
He takes the gun and aims:sees her teacher screaming for aid to the Lord,
Closes his young eyes and splatters her brains all over the blackboard,
A young angelic girl next to him absconds in tears praying to God,
In the next seconds…………….she’s laying in a red pool of blood,
Looks at him with pure eyes,innocence pulverized………she dies…
His classmates flee thru the door,he sees one fat kid and shoots with a roar,
Hits his foot……..He lies terrified on the floor,pleading for his mother,
Bleeding his youth……………Facing the barrel he swallows deep,
A BANG followed by black pother…He’s hit…Begs after his mother Carol,
Then another bullet opens his head……………………He’s dead,
Then Tom looks around and sees only red blood shed,
Looks at his red hands,and says:
“Now…now I realize I lost my innocence….”
“How could I do such?” he starts to shout,
Then takes the gun,puts it in his mouth,
Under tears of the sun,the bullet races out…
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linkz coming a little later Credz...
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^if you're not gonna leave a feed get the fuck outta here.i'm sick of all the noobs coming in OM to battle.GO TO FRONT LINES FOR THAT IDIOTS!
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linkz:
#1
#2
leave linkz if u want me to return the fav.
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yo that was ill i loved it had a great concept
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^stop giving one line feeds!
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man OM is wack...mostly consists of crap OMs and crap feedbacks...what a shame...
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Its a shame this is getting slept on, I think this is one of the best ones you've written. Great topic and I think you did a good job laying out the course the child took from playing the games for fun to allowing it to overcome his way of thinking to where he took the gun to school. Good vocab as usuall. I can see you been working on your structure and flow the whole thing read really well. Quite impressive........Damn shame they sleepin.
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thx Na...damn shame indeed,but what can we do?noobs disses get more attention than us.
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REal dope... I thought that it was well written... I enjoyed the read alot...
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the flow was nice and i like the topic
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^did u at least read it?
leave DECENT feed!!!
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one decent feed?
...i might as well give up...
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tight shit man fricken nice ass flow :thumbup:
the first verse defently owns the rest though i feel a lot of gangsta outa you man keep up da good shit aite and get a beat n record that thats dope man aite
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GANGSTA???WTF???
anyway...
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i refuse to let this go untill i get more than one decent feed!
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yo that was pretty tight for sure i was feelin that
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This was dope. I thought if word choice was a little better, it would have been about perfect. This paralels my life almost exactly(exept the school shooting). I could really understand the kid turning his back on god when he felt like god did the same to him, and then getting lost in games, entertainment, art, etc. This was a nice piece, homie. keep up the good work, and thanks for the reply to my piece.
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This was a very deep and well thought out piece you've directed me to. And it was real epic too. You might get some better responces if you drop some more concise work. But nonetheless, this was really quite entertaining to read. Keep up the good work, and don't give up. People can't sleep on you forever.
Thanks for the reply on mine as well man, it was very much appreciated.
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Thx for the feeds Wicked and Jekyll!Much apreciated...
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Yeah, the one liners really aint read it.
You have yourself a good piece here, You presented us with a character who goes from God Fearing, to God Like in a sense because he came down to ending lives. The twist at the end would be almost expected, so a little work on your foreshadowing would help crank up the piece. You did real good here, though, and the story was very interesting, and you showed the characters transformation with some expertise.
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damn that was incredible, this should definitely be in the hall of fame. i cant believe it hasnt gotten a nod yet. well you really broke this down well showing the kids anger grow and then explode. sad that this happens too often but the truth of the matter is because seen and heard first hand accounts of something like this happening it hits really hard and really real. i thought you did an excellent job with word choice and multi's. everything was on point and your rhyming didnt take away from the story. every line i read had me wanting to read more to find out what happens. i like the title for this becuase this is the most extreme case of innocence being lost but at the same time it shows how nieve a kid could be who lets bully's abuse him and take over his entire life. very very good buddy. and thanks for your drop on my piece. keep repping
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yo ill piece K...great topic...and you did a hella good jod of discribing the kids course through the whole situation...vocab was good...i liked the way you set your verses out aswel...and you did a good job portrayin the fact he started of playin games then was over came by them and then resorted to talking a gun to school...the ending was tight aswel...props dawg...decent piece...keep that shit up...
hit this up for me dawg...its not something i usually do so bare with me
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182587
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I liked this a lot. You setup the story well, being descriptive and creating the image of the boy. Then it built up near the end, calmed a bit and finished nicely. You had nice vocab, which got your message across better. The multis helped the story going by supporting the flow. You did a good job of character development over the course of the piece, and the titles were effective in describing the setting. You took the concept in a creative direction, nice drop.
Thanks for checkin out my piece.
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Thx for the feeds guys.Really apreciated.
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