suicidal thoughts? - eddy ft sylentz

Suicidal thoughts? -

Sylentz

Living a life of misery, I try to compare my thoughts visually
My life is just one big kaotic theory, As my dreams become dreary

My brain becomes weak, Still trying to find happiness I seek
My visions become oblique, Out of my life I try to sneak
Is this life worth living, I seem to be taking but not giving
I am always forgiven, But never seem to be forgiving
And the question, Should i Just end all of this, Is it worth it
When really in this epic world, All ill ever be is just a misfit

I have my oppurtunity to take this now, End my life
But would i be better of out of this world with out my wife
A gun or a knife, Thats all it would take, To make a break
when i know that i couldnt do it,Its in my head, its all Just fake
The world would be a better place, An addition in the human race
I know i could be gone in an instance, Leaving them red in the face
I dont feel welcome here, Is it just me or is it just another fear
Ive been racially abused, And its been getting worse over the year

So mother when your read this, Take it and swollow in your pride
The tide has turned, Take it in your stride, Its their fault i took my life

eddy

this .. that .. death..

i feel it inside, it will happen .. i will cross my own restriction!
afraid for the results of this inner conflicts,
still not prepaired for any contradictions..
this psychologically habit-forming addiction that will once erupt
and profile its self in this weird unceremoniously brusque in my own manner
my system just corrupt ..
its so weird .. this lack of self-sufficiency
..with a strange dependency
just obsessed w/ a constitutional dark tendency ..
.. feeling gloomy and depressed
I confessed ... its pure truth .. i am ..
..influenced & controlled by this powerful force of strong emotions
tears struggling with my thoughts, causing a self esteem demotion
all this commotion resulted in this disorderly outburst ..
an ocean of pain took me under i was ..submersed
and than they say the suicide is painless.. but the pain just drives you suicidal
ending it all with this descriptive final of my personal idyll ..

replyed too

w~p
&
BTK

ill drop guys!good collab,ya'r two drops fited togheter almost perfect.now back to the drop.really liked it,deep thoughts,kinda sinucidle,but nervous-brakedown type too.good vocab painted a good imagery,and olso made emotions and thoughts to really stand out.and what i liked the most is that ya can really feal the emotions reading it,the feelings,the insanity of the mind,it's a hard job to be able to put that in writting,but you pulled it of.and edicius i think some will critic you for your structure,but i know how it's like,a few words are mo prefect then a long line,and really intensifys the emotion,so no critics there:
"my system just corrupt ..
its so weird .. this lack of self-sufficiency
..with a strange dependency
just obsessed w/ a constitutional dark tendency ..
.. feeling gloomy and depressed
I confessed ... its pure truth .. i am .."-really deep fealings...good job!

structure good,so it's flow...

keep up the droppin guys!

and if you have time,please return the feed,Unfufilled Prophecy in my sig.Would really apreciate yar comments.Peace!

Damn, Not a bad peace it felt more of a poetry peace, But it was still hott, Good Looks, Keep Droppin.., Big ups tp both of you..

:rolleyes:

Word

Thanks so far

My brain becomes weak, Still trying to find happiness I seek
My visions become oblique, Out of my life I try to sneak
Is this life worth living, I seem to be taking but not giving
I am always forgiven, But never seem to be forgiving
And the question, Should i Just end all of this, Is it worth it
When really in this epic world, All ill ever be is just a misfit


its so weird .. this lack of self-sufficiency
..with a strange dependency
just obsessed w/ a constitutional dark tendency ..
.. feeling gloomy and depressed
I confessed ... its pure truth .. i am ..
..influenced & controlled by this powerful force of strong emotions
tears struggling with my thoughts, causing a self esteem demotion
all this commotion resulted in this disorderly outburst ..
an ocean of pain took me under i was ..submersed



Ive quoted the hottest parts from both of you guys.... ill drop... sylentz u came dope the second verse that ive quoted was dope... eddy im impressed by your verse... shit jus flowed straight.. ur structure is dope as fuck and ur rhyme scheme is sick as hell too... good drop

overalll
8/10


peep my Round Here verse....

i say over alll.............hmmm

2/10

^ fucktard, what kind of feedback d'you call that?!

Anyway, this was alright. Better than most things I've read in OM recently actually. I really liked your different styles, and the way they gelled. Cool drop, it was interesting to read, was like, sort of describing a personal, inner struggle. This type of writing is always pretty dope.

And Eddy.. I got your PM this morning - if you want to do a collab, sure, get a topic and I'll write something with you. Let me know.

Pz!

The second verse was better.
The first needs better rhymes and vocab,but overall it was alright.

word

up

sylentz
u had some nice internals in here, it seemed a
little basic in some points tho, try to experiment
with your structure n flow a little bit, it did seem
repetative. It was good th0, it flowed smoothly,
u had a nice message and your overall content
was nice. NIcely done.

Edicius
had a more original flow, it came nice. Was smooth,
poetic almost...nice vocab in there as well certainly
upped the complexity. Like the content, good handle
of the subject...took a midly original approach to it.
But you showed good complexity and had some
nice lines...well done!

3.5/5

very dope collab both of you came nicely

thanks for the reply's people, ..

Keep em coming

Link this to the WP forum.

I'll read it when I have more time.

Both came straight, the multis on sylentz switch after a while which got my attention on the way he thinks... Not bad at all, but not great.

The flow was good, the topic unique. The passability was purposed and the preperations were good...

Nothing I can say bad about it, except the name... Suicidal Thoughts :confused:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2201616

^ getchatit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baron Mynd

Link this to the WP forum.

I'll read it when I have more time.

---

LoL

up..

Damn, I'm glad I'm not young and depressed anymore!

It's really hard for me to critique these pieces because I tend to view them as whiny.

But, I guess I've been there, done that...and hated it.

So, I chose instead, to fuck being lonely and started getting high, skipping school, and became an all around thievin, heathen, drug dealin, satan believin, schemin, muggin, thuggin, halucinatin, referred adjudicatin fool.

Worked for me.

Good pieces...Sylentz flow was there, though I didn't care for the change in it.

A...A
A...A

For the first 8-10 lines...
Then it switched up for some reason. I dunno.
I also wouldn't use the "wife, life, knife" triple threat..only thing you didn't add was "strife", which I see so many cats doing, yet no one uses that fucking word in real life. Stay off the common shit...be better than that.

Eddy, much more complex, much better vocab, you complex motherfucker, you.
Just felt your's came a bit more haunting...even more hopeless than ya homie's up there. Good shit.

Now, go smoke a fuckin joint, vandalize something, pick a fight and beat someone's ass, then get busted and chill in jail for a coupla days.

Your life will instantly be more exciting!

Peace

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

Damn, I'm glad I'm not young and depressed anymore!

It's really hard for me to critique these pieces because I tend to view them as whiny.

But, I guess I've been there, done that...and hated it.

So, I chose instead, to fuck being lonely and started getting high, skipping school, and became an all around thievin, heathen, drug dealin, satan believin, schemin, muggin, thuggin, halucinatin, referred adjudicatin fool.

Worked for me.

Good pieces...Sylentz flow was there, though I didn't care for the change in it.

A...A
A...A

For the first 8-10 lines...
Then it switched up for some reason. I dunno.
I also wouldn't use the "wife, life, knife" triple threat..only thing you didn't add was "strife", which I see so many cats doing, yet no one uses that fucking word in real life. Stay off the common shit...be better than that.

Eddy, much more complex, much better vocab, you complex motherfucker, you.
Just felt your's came a bit more haunting...even more hopeless than ya homie's up there. Good shit.

Now, go smoke a fuckin joint, vandalize something, pick a fight and beat someone's ass, then get busted and chill in jail for a coupla days.

Your life will instantly be more exciting!

Peace

---

im getting a kid, exciting enough? lol this was just for killing the time, the topic.. i kinda refused too write to it though cause i did this before .. like you said been there done that .. but its good too write with new kids, up there level ya heard, .. im still in search of a dope topic so if you have an idea holla at me btk :thumbup:

We made Hall of Fame with our last one...

I dunno, lemme think.

thats pretty good stuff yo.. iwell written....i

m too depressed to give a proper response

ima go top ma'self now

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

We made Hall of Fame with our last one...

I dunno, lemme think.

---

ofcourse, with a nice topic` half assed writing we will get into HOF but i dont care though i made up the concept with maven so its not really something wow for me .. lol lets come whole assed .. lmao and get it into legends i need my 4th piece in there ..holla

up bitch

christ.