Love Actually

Love Actually

a reverberating crack of knuckles before he starts his work
as she screams in his face, all he does is chuckle n smirk
then with satisfaction he grabs her by the back of her hair
with a crack brings her head meeting his knee in the air
then turns and steadily walks, draging face her up against the wall
leaving a blood streak, no one near to come to her call
she screams out for help, swears to him she didint mean it
the fall of a queen the titan smiles viciously, tears emit
crossed emotion swriling through his brain turns to rage
sain parted, the shadow of personality begins to engage
he heads out the front door, still dragging his maiden
places her head in between the door and says amen
then slams the door, her body shutters with rippiling spams
crippiling her hard skull, splitting it into a short chasm
unrichouse blood poors onto the floor the task finished
the spark of life once so alive suddenly diminshed
with a cry of anguish he falls to his knees soaking
in both blood and regret moving his hand over her stroaking
slap!
her hand sending him to reality shes standing there before him
his day nightmare ending, he realizes he never commited the sin
he mutters to himself with grim
love is hard...

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2084784
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=2084798

bleh...

That is sick i like it alot. The first 2 lines got me hooked. The whole thing really paints a great picture and i like the twists at the end. Some of the rhymes are stretching it a little bit although i can see how you pronounce it might make a difference, for example:
she screams out for help, swears to him she didint mean it
the fall of a queen the titan smiles viciously, tears emit
those rhymes really don't work for me but i guess if you stress the "e" in emit it will work.
he heads out the front door, still dragging his maiden
places her head in between the door and says amen
i wasn't sure about this rhyme either, but once agian its how you say it i guess.

"unrichouse"---i have no idea what this word is

i like when you say he was soakin in both blood and regret.

try to use more internal rhyming, but overall it was cool

hit mine up if you could:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171776

i thought this was amazing. the imagine i got in my head and the way it was presented. keep it up.

up.

this some real life shit cus sometimes females get hella outa line and thinkin bout hurtin them is the only thing that stops dudes from actually doin it keep up the story tellin

i was really feelin this and yo i can relate bitches be asking fo that shit sometimes i be tha main one lol

not accualy a story... id never think of even doin that to my girlfriend...

Damn this was good twixn. I read the title and was like shouldnt this be in the poetic scriptures. But the I got to read and was like oh thats why this is an om. I thought that you had some nice vocab and your words were great the went crazy in my imagination. I love piece like this nice work.

yo this was deep. it was really professional in the way you were able to capture the feelings going through his head so well before coming to find that this was just a negative feeling experienced through a harsh moment between the two of them, this was good in all senses of imagery, flow, creativity, vocab and structure.

Keep dropping

any chance i could get one of these links hit up

yo that shit was tight i like the way you made it to where we can get a visual on whats goin on and the unexspected endin that shit was hot i give it :thumbup: :thumbup:

uppidy...

Eh, I've seen better from you to say the least, off the page, this piece was really good, the concept is strong, and well thought out. Some of the words didnt rhyme at the end, i dont know if you meant to put it that way or not, but it lost my flow, or howver your accent is, it wasnt going good for me. Such as ''Maiden'' and ''Amen'' dont rhyme, unless you say Amen different for some reason but thats what lost me at one point. Other than that, this was pretty much a flawless piece written here. Your flow was decent, not the best, but it was there, the vocab and wordplay were there definitely, couldve been upped a little but I feel it wasn't needed. Overall, keep posting shit, I've seen better from you and hope to see better than your past work, good read, peace.

nice rap i liked it a lot................................

last up.

thanks for the feed... yeah

imagery was on point

real life:hit it direct

delivery:excellent

very nice piece homie

hhahah great i was looking at it like..this is probably gonna be whack but i read the first line and got more and more intrested
that was pretty good i see a lot of good shit in open mic
then when battles i see horrible shit

hehehe... i wonder if this is not allowed?

woot.

word.