In a Picture Frame

Czech it...
They go through their lives mechanically, trying to forget the past
Only the car reflects their hidden emotion, it's too loud, it's too fast
The pain lies deep inside, something they've supressed out of need
Unbeknownst to the fact they're starving emotion that needs to feed
Every time they walk past the table, they can't bring themselves to look
It seemed like yesterday Johnny was curled on the floor with a book
All the drugs they took, the therapy, knowing nothing was working
"It's not denial, you arrogant bastard! Can't you see I'm just hurting?!?"
No more flirting with the idea of letting him travel up to school alone
No more affectionate rolling eyes when he spilled ice cream from his cone
No more will they wake his lazy behind up out of the bed, acting mad
When all they really felt was love for him, through the good and the bad
And when the doubt set in, oooh, it was terrible, were they good enough?
Keeping him from all the bad things, teaching him how life can be tough
"Why didn't we know he would go? Why didn't we warn him?" they wept
"Why didn't we teach him more about life with the time we had left?"
They saw the car turning, it's engine burning, saw the owner was drunk
Saw their son get hit, flip bodily over, saw him fall down on the trunk
Saw his delicate frame hit the floor hard, violently striking hot cement
Rolled and lied sprawled-eagled in the middle of the road, his body bent
And just like that, Johnny was gone, and back to their present Hell
Where they only remembered his joy from having his first painting sell
Johnny was their life, their entire being, now just imagine their pain
When the only Johnny they had was on the table, in a picture frame
Later

This was a topical. I really liked it as I was writing it.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171359
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170201

i must apologize i have avoided your work many times and now that i take the time to honestly read i see your talent i must say im most impressed to have content equalled by flow and vocab you have true skill stay up.

Thanks a lot man. Appreciated.
Maybe we'll be able to collab sometime.

I liked this...impressive for a have never read your work...but you have a good sense of story telling...It seemed to read very easily in my head...your imagery was touched nicely...you seem to be have great potential...you have quality in your work...Like i said your imagery in this piece was what sparked my mind from the start...much respect...-E-

idlove that but i have to get to your level

Thanks, everyone... Uppin.

i liked this

nice storytelling, content was good, but...i have a problem with your rhyme scheme, it could use a bit of a touch up, the one syllable rhyme scheme went out years ago, it kinda helps out when reading pieces such as this

good shit tho

pz

Damn mayne. You get better at topicals. I liked this. But I hated your rhyme scheme, like Jacent said. Have like, 3-or-4-or-2 rhyme syllables. That's the hot thing right now. :)

Nice work mayne.

Well nice emotion and overall power.
Pretty decent vocabulary.
Pretty nice piece youve written here,keep it up.

This had the skills of Donovan Mcnabb in the Super Bowl.
Ha!

Pretty good. Started off Well. Ended Well. Middle was Ok, but the end and the beignning were your strong points. Liked the imagery and the picture (how ironic) that this piece put inside my head.

Good.

And listen to me when I talk to you in Bed at night.
I want that free honey bun tomorrow.

:rolleyes:

I told you, me and that angel had unfinished business in the hot tub!

this' ur battle right?

yea, lol i read this... well done. i was happy after i read it.
u know why.

lol... i honestly thought this was going to be somthin different...

anyways....

:thumbup:

wow first off that was a very powerfull ending... really sums it all very nicely, i liked this peice... one of the first ive read from you, the other one i read was like a fucking book... so this one was nice that it wasen't so long... it's flow seemed to get better as it went at the start was a little slow. Very nice peice here the imagery was good vocab was good some pretty good metaphores and great flow... keep up the good work...

and try eating a donut... it's riviting...

Uppin this again...

very nice.... I'm glad u kept buggin me to read it.

nice imagery, emotion.... keep writing.

nice read ryhme scheme was very apparent, but it was a good read you need to keep going im drunk t i'll drop some more feeed tomorrow

The Rhyme scheme was basic and I thought that the lines were a little to wordy and it drug the piece down... I thought that the story was a little cliche' but you pulled it off decently... Keep dropping

Uppin this...

Well, you asked me to reply, so ehre you go lol :thumbup: this was an excellent piece. When i was reading this, everything was on point it seemed like, for some reason i had a good flow with it, and could see this to a good beat. You should really consider doing audio man, cause this would work reallllly good. The wordplay, vocab and such were all on point as well, well im not going to say anymore that has been said already, besides this is dope, oh wait, thats been said :thumbup: we MUST collab sometime man seriously lol. Get At Me!

Ups

Uppin again...

This was good.. but you definitely need to add multis or some shit, will enhance your flow. Good content, been meaning to peep this for a while.. nice story God. Liked it. Keep dropping pieces like this son..

^Thanks.

Wow. Two OM nominations in a row. Cool. Thanks everyone.

This was dope. It's the best I've ever seen from you. Display of emotion was the strongest point. Flow was on. Just an overall, nice piece. Good job.

I guess I'm the only person who gives good feedback in this forum.

Well, the last few OM's in general that I have read have concentrated on emotion.
And this has set with the trend too. Not that this is a bad thing. I have said this many a time but when writing an emotive piece don't forget about the other necescities. Especially wording. You over worded, and used some wrong words in this piece. Stretched is a word I dont like to use but this was a little bit too stretched. You have to maintain a general flow whether you are writing to a beat or not.
Away with the negatives you held the concept well. You played on the cons mostly from a parental perspective but to me I don't think there was much more the parents could do. I liked how you started with mentioning the car/photo but then going into the story. THEN coming back and describing the photo and why they don't want to look at it. You wrote this well and you thought about what you was doing.
Props,
Brix.

yo this work was awsome u kept on topic very well good imagery it was easy to read the scheme got a lil weak some places but it was still very good

dis shit was pretty hot i can actually see what you are talkin about maybe we can do a topical battle sometimes.

nice piece son.very imaginative,good structure,had a very poetic kinda sense to it,ill vocab, tha complexity and the way you set up this piece came out real well,the rhyme scheme was off,but you do what is good,and thats how it si,you can do it like it gotta be done if it works,and it worked,keep droppin tha hottness.~1~