~~I Shot You Down~~ this piece goes to Young Buck's "Bang Bang" beat.

Tha weed we used to smoke.....and dope we used to cope......dont make up for a heart broke.....some times wanna start choke...pause.....give u a dark throat//

leavin bruises....u have no uses.....tha noose will loosen....when ever he chooses.....sometimes refer to me in 3rd person to myself in first to see who looses.....2nd persons clueless//

female i know, given looks through all tha fine snow.....let my mind blow...time to rhyme slow.....and pine dro......let tha lines glow....i see tha devious ways, you had and things u did in previous days.....inhale my fine lyrics to aleviate age//


i was hopin we would be ageless......forever like sages......im trapped, your trapped, were in cages......no more goin through phases.....spittin phrases, dipped in pages.......cant stand to see you strip on stages//

even though i let tha seasons go......ladies know how much treazon grows......eyes might glow when breathin dro......i miss that thievin hoe.....leavin slow....early in the morning dont even leave a note//

past with all tha sorrow.......if i feel like i might call you tomorrow......no money that u can borrow.....just juices u can swallow....your still useless and still hollow......for some reason my heart still follows//

no more waitin by tha phone.....debatin to by a chrome.....makin my statement and its on.......hatin tha fake ones just like a clone......no more breakin cause now im prone//

especially to attacks......no crackin my back....no rubbin it either, sit back and relax......while i just spit facts.......twist sacks and then rip tracks......hopefully one day i can flip stacks//

this one lady, i speak of always stayed shady.......only intentions did i mention is too always wanna play me........no luck lately.......so what i missed my baby.......when she was loving she was a giver.......thats why we changed and i ended up back with her.

nice shit dog....Good "structure" and all that shit..of course i know who ya talkin bout, and prob makes the prespective better in my mind... ill shit dog peace

i thought the structure made the flow choppy and kinda fucked up your verse...rhyme was good...with some multis too, but the verse was kinda slow.

The story was good, you stuck to it mostly. The flow seemed kinda off the way you arranged your lines. You went into detail, which was good. Could have used some more wordplay to help convey your message.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531

thanks for tha replies.~1~

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...14#post2058614

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...31#post2046831

there ya go kid.~1~

uppin for replies.~1~

still uppin,stop sleepin.

i really want some replies on this

once again~1~

uppin again.

That was fucking horrible.

This piece DOESN'T go to the beat. Make it audio.

constructive critiquing or nothing u fucking bitch fucks, just cause something doesnt sound write to you text heads doesnt means it isnt written write,its cause yall dont know what audio is,~1~

yea bro i though ti was pretty good............the structure wasn't the best, kinda messed me up with the rhymes........but all together it was a good little verse.......keep spittin.........

i dont have a very good structure but thats tight, ~1~

Your signature is fucking obnoxious. Take out that X-Men bullshit, what the fuck.

who tha fuck are you ? fuck off take something off your own goddamn sig.~1~

My signature isn't big, idiot.

It's alright. If you won't take some shit out to make it smaller I'll just have a S Mod or Admin do it.

Leave his sig alone lol....
but he should minimize it...


as for your piece I only read the
first couple of bars...and just looked
at your structure...do not use this // <
you need to be very upset at yourself
when you do that. don't seperate your
bars like that either example:

##########
#########

#########
##########

^ That's annoying...

work on deeper meaning and imagery
and vocabulary but don't over due it.
etc.

peace.

thanks for tha POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

this is very nice i enjoyed it.. goodshit man keep it up..

ppreciate it.~1~

one last time.need critique.~1~

ha ha seems like u got sum hata's... ignore that shit

i fuckin feelin this piece yo.. i think the flow was hot and well written

content ewas interesting and made it a good read

u broke it down well so even stupid people can check the flow out

format style is kinda like an agressive battle style and on point

i'd like to see sum more like this up in here

pz 1

thanks for tha replies.~1~

your sig is fucking with the forums and slowing peoples browsing down....change it or i will.

sure guy.~1~