Seeking Freedom

Seeking Freedom
Im not running from God, Im coming to my senses.
I understand that Im wrong, but Im not giving up my defences.
So what if Im selfish for helping myself see through the pretences of Heaven.
For wanting to escape the endless fences that relentlessly replace reality with fantasy.
For breaking away from a confined space of empty helpless selfless souls locked in apathy.
I cant act like Im happy while actually hiding away the facts that matter to me.
I asked you nicely to go freely, but you declined saying you needed me.
You told me you wouldn't breathe easy because you'd feel you were leaving me.
I said Ill always be alien to atheism because Ill always believe in you...
Dont think you're abandoning me, Im the one one who's leaving you....

I've got wings hidden under my coat...
...I don't know if you can see them.
My halo's been hidden in hope...
... I believe in seeking freedom.

...Constant darkness for 7 weeks, rains been falling heartlessly crumbling mountain peaks.
You sent a tsunami that didn't harm me but killed far to many of your own children.
You took an army and led them from harmony and gave the sick pricks plane tickets.
You fixed it so Hitler would kill and Churchill would be forced to build a force of misled youths.
You killed all the jews, you used the blacks as fools and enslaved them as tools.
You took away great minds in there prime and each time you did it blissfully.
I wish that you would listen instead of forceably insisted that history be hand-written by me,
Blistering me with blame, a pain so severe that I cant bare to persevere.
The burdon I carry is a mere sign that my wriddled spine and the wrinkled lines I express are a sentance.
A decleration of anti-independence... A plea made in blood for my penance...

I've got wings hidden under my coat...
...I don't know if you can see them.
My halo's been hidden in hope...
... I believe in seeking freedom.
--------

I cant finish nothing lately... Ive tried and tried to finish this, but it never worked. But i also like this as it is, you have to read it a couple of times to understand it I think...

Upping for feed :thumbup:

4 lines or more........

Ive just noticed how much the structure sucks like that... It looked different when i previewed it... Damn...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post2058372
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...38#post2058638

This was really impressive... Impecable flow... Good vocabulary... Not much I can say really... I liked the topic - something new. Structure's a bit dodgy though..

I wish I could say more... Most people know I usually do but to be honest i was really impressed with this!

Peace

If you have the time check out "The Lies" in my sig...

uppin

This was pretty good man...i liked this....Structure wasnt as bad as you think it was...I thought it was pretty good though....Flow was good in this, stayed on point through out the entire piece i liked that, very nice there....The chorus/hook thing was pretty good as well, I liked it a lot, had some nice meaning to it....You also had good multies through the verses, I like multies a lot..as you can probably tell from the way i write too...So good job there, nice way to keep it more complex...Vocab was another thing that stood out in this..you didnt over do it like some people do, you kept it on a level that everyone could comprehend...Good job man...Liked the piece...Keep at it.

Thanks :thumbup:

Any1 else?

Leave links an Ill reply...

I liked it, I can see that you put alot of thought into those lines. The flow is nice and smooth so it was easy to read. The organisation is still pretty good even though you didn't get it to do what you wanted, but its easy to see what you meant to do.

Here you go bump my thread for me, no one else will haha. I'm just looking for some feedback since i'm kinda new to this writtin rhymes thing.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170193

I did man but my computer froze, Ill hit it up again later

Uppn

Oh come on... A Bit more feed plase........

i enjoyed urs because it was strong from begginin to end way to use ur imagination on some of ur verses nice work

Thanks man


Uppn

this was kinda poetic.. nice piece here, good imagery, nice use of vocab and a mostly steady flow to support it.. when i was reading this it occured more to me like a poem than anything... stuck to the topic well, consistant, not a bad piece.. hit this up

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170305

yeah famfam, wordplay was aight, yo delivery look a lil off, but everything else was okay far as links, all tha mind game and topic shit, keep writing you'll be crack soon

Thank y'll

Uppn

Come on...

Uppin

structure was ok.. flow got rocky at some parts but other parts they were perfect... it was deep which was good since you wrote it in poetic form

you had really nice vocab too

very nice job nova.

overall 8/10 solid.

Thanks man, representing the crew :thumbup:

i personaly enjoyed this peice. i could sit and precisly break it down like everyone here likes to do but this was a nice poetic rhyme. fuck structure and all that other doctorate bullshit, good stuff homie

Whats up man. This is Nice ideed. I couldnt see any one spittin this. The bars are such different lengths. Thats why it REALLY seems like poetry to me. Good shit though man. Nothing i didnt like. Beatiful stuff . Keep this coming.

The vocab was good and ilike the imagery..good job

Thank Y'all