Love & Revenge feat. Lyric

Normal - ILLunatic
Italicized - Lyric

In the winter of 1982, a beautiful young woman gave birth
For what it's worth, she brought 2 fraternal twins to this earth
But it gets worst, in two years time, she sent one away
Put 'em up for adoption, and just left the other one to stay
There's no way to explain what was going through her mind
Splitting up two babies, who were adorable combined
Every night she cried, heartbroken from her decision
She was depressed and angry, totally opposite of derision
With precision, she lived day to day trying to hide what she done
Never spoke of the adoption, so she could hide it from her son
- Matt
All my childhood, i've grown up wishing I had a sibling
Someone to play with or talk to. Aww what I was missing
Constantly wishing, that I had a brother or sister ya know
But my mother always said, you'll never have a sis or a bro
Although I felt like I did. Michael's been my friend for years
He was always someone that I could easily tell my fears
It's clear, we've been friends through thick and through thin
He's been a down to earth friend, since the first day I knew him
What can I say, He's always been known as my best friend
Quote me as I say - this is one relationship, I refuse to let end

- Mike
I grew up with Matt, felt a bond but didn’t know it was real
Until about four years ago, when my parents revealed the deal
I always knew I was adopted, but from where It was never clear
Always had been kept a mystery, from my unknowledgeable ears
And then I met Matt, he always used to come over to my house
Met with stares from my parents, but I never knew what about
Then they sat me down one day, and told me the whole secret
Matt was my birth brother, the one my biological mom kept
And his mother….my mom…..has said nothing in her defense
And now we’re "best friends", but it’s all about revenge in the end
The fuck was wrong with me? Why’d she have to give me away
Bitch thought I was useless? I’ll show her the errors in her ways
I’m suddenly filled with rage, I can’t believe I wasn’t told
I’ll fuckin kill them both, I know Matt had to know
No, I’ll just murder Matt, so she has to live with the guilt
And then maybe she’ll feel half of the loneliness I’ve felt
I’ll have my final vengeance, no true mom would give me up
I’ve never felt the love, that I should have growing up
She lost a son willingly, well Ima make her lose the other
Now we’ll see how she feels, Matt is no longer my brother

I just invited him over, should be here any minute
We’ll go for a walk, somewhere secluded and hidden
I know a good spot, with lots of trees and a hill
Paint a redline on his neck, and let him roll untill…
*ding dong*
Wassup! On the phone you sounded like somethin bad happened. Whats wrong?
Is everything ok? You kno, no matter what. By you're side, i'll be along
Everythings fine man, Jus got some deep shit on my mind
Lets go up to the bluff, it’ll help to pass the time
Aint man, lets go. But I dont kno what goin there would do to make this better
But whatever you wanna do, I got you. Cuz man, you my bestest friend ever
Yeah whatever you say man, hey I’m curious bout sumthin too
If you knew an important secret, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?
Of course I would. I tell you everything. Reguardless of what it is
But why do you ask? You think i'm hiding something? If so, whats with this?
Nah dawg don’t worry about it, come on lets get to this place
Hold up lemme grab my knife, you never can be too safe
Yeah, this is a bad neighborhood now a days huh? It's a shame
Remember those days we use to be able to play, shit just aint the same
Yeah things can change in an instant, makes you wonder don’t it
How people you thought can be trusted, can quickly turn to opponents
Fa`real. But atleast we aint gotta worry bout that tho, best friends for life
But damn man, this place seems a little spooky. I dont feel right tonight
We’re almost there man, just up this hill and past these trees
Up here in this clearing, where we can look out over the city
Fa`real? I haven't been here, by the looks of it, not many people have
How long you been comin here? Is this like, your own secret pad?
It‘s where I come to think, go ahead look over the ledge
It’s a long long ways down, definitely an instant death
I'm good. You kno i'm afraid of heights. Me lookin down is a death wish
But shit... be right back man, I gotta take a huge piss
His back to me while I walk up, slowly as to not draw attention
Pull the knife from my pocket, I‘ll show my brother my affection
*branches cracking* - Mike is that you? Man, dont sneak up on me
You ass...! You kno how scared I get, now come out... please!
I jump at him, knife out, I’m gonna slit your throat fucker
You have no chance in hell, kill you for stealing my mother
Stealing your mother? The hell you talkin about? Man dont play
Why you gotta fuck around so much? This shit's so gay!
I aint kidding around bitch, don’t act so fuckin innocent
You think your better then me? Don’t be so ignorant
We’re brothers you and I, Moms separated us at birth
Biggest mistake of her life, didn’t know what I was worth
WHAT!?! She aint ever tell me I had a brother, the fuck
Dude, put down the knife. I'm sorry man, that shit must suck
But damn, dont try to kill me man. Especially if we're family
Dont take this shit out of proportion, killin people madly
Damn it Mike you need some help. This shit just aint right
Put the knife down fa`real, & lets go home and get away from this late night
I grab Matt to throw him down, but he pulls me down with him
And as I try to make the stab, from this awkward position
[Deflects Mikes stab attempt, both roll as the knife gets stuck inbetween the two]
NO!!!, ahh... *knife goes into Mike* - NO!!!!, MIKE!!!!
And just in an instant, with 1 knife, there goes Mikes whole life


-Matt
Oh shit, Mike my best friend, my brother? And he nearly killed me
Now he's dead, and I got all this new information, which over thrilled me
I can't believe this. After all these years, I JUST found out the truth
I had a brother, and my mother kept it from me, I feel so used.
He was never really my friend, he just wanted my death as revenge
For my mothers mistake.... on me, he wanted to avenge
13 years as best friends, or so I thought. The shit was fake?
I told him my coldest and deepest secrets for goodness sakes
He was the one person I trusted, but my trust, he didn't care for
He just wanted my mother to suffer, but to suffer in pain more
Ever since the age 4, I knew Mike as more than a best friend
To me he was like a bro. We had a relationship I refused to let end
Why she seperated us, I have no idea. But damn i'm pissed
Even tho he tried to kill me, but Mike - for sure i'll miss.

:shocked:

holy shit that is long, links will be in soon.

*Edit - I'm late on this I kno...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post2052431

wow. this was a dope collab. just finished reading this. i WILL edit with feed shortly, no more than an hour... just gonna go give it a nomination over in legends.. this was ill..

nice collab i espescially liked it cause im a fertenal twin and i like how you expressed both twins fellings

Please go more depth in feedback :thumbup:

holy shit is right heh...that is long. ya know, i really dont know what to say...i could say all the structure, vocab and blah blah blah bullshit. one word..."DOPE" This was one of the best pieces ive read...EVER on this site. i want to nominate it for the months best piece. Well, instead of breaking down each bar and explaining the good and the bad...im gonna tell you my fav. parts...cause the whole damn thing was good.

In the winter of 1982, a beautiful young woman gave birth
For what it's worth, she brought 2 fraternal twins to this earth
But it gets worst, in two years time, she sent one away
Put 'em up for adoption, and just left the other one to stay
There's no way to explain what was going through her mind
Splitting up two babies, who were adorable combined
Every night she cried, heartbroken from her decision
She was depressed and angry, totally opposite of derision
With precision, she lived day to day trying to hide what she done
Never spoke of the adoption, so she could hide it from her son.....
.......very good opening; GREAT opening...really drew me in and got me interested.....I could really feel the imagery and it was very deep. Man ILL, you got some talent fo real. very nice....very very VERY fuckin nice...

I grew up with Matt, felt a bond but didn’t know it was real
Until about four years ago, when my parents revealed the deal
I always knew I was adopted, but from where It was never clear
Always had been kept a mystery, from my unknowledgeable ears
.....good imagery here Lyric; i liked the "unkowledgeable ears" part for some reason....

I aint kidding around bitch, don’t act so fuckin innocent
You think your better then me? Don’t be so ignorant
We’re brothers you and I, Moms separated us at birth
Biggest mistake of her life, didn’t know what I was worth
WHAT!?! She aint ever tell me I had a brother, the fuck
Dude, put down the knife. I'm sorry man, that shit must suck
But damn, dont try to kill me man. Especially if we're family
Dont take this shit out of proportion, killin people madly
Damn it Mike you need some help. This shit just aint right
Put the knife down fa`real, & lets go home and get away from this late night
I grab Matt to throw him down, but he pulls me down with him
And as I try to make the stab, from this awkward position
[Deflects Mikes stab attempt, both roll as the knife gets stuck inbetween the two]
NO!!!, ahh... *knife goes into Mike* - NO!!!!, MIKE!!!!
And just in an instant, with 1 knife, there goes Mikes whole life
........then right here....both you two really did a nice job. great imagery. it was thrilling and exciting. i like the whole knife into Mike part...cause then you relate it to this part:
Oh shit, Mike my best friend, my brother? And he nearly killed me
Now he's dead, and I got all this new information, which over thrilled me
I can't believe this. After all these years, I JUST found out the truth
I had a brother, and my mother kept it from me, I feel so used.
He was never really my friend, he just wanted my death as revenge
For my mothers mistake.... on me, he wanted to avenge
13 years as best friends, or so I thought. The shit was fake?
I told him my coldest and deepest secrets for goodness sakes
He was the one person I trusted, but my trust, he didn't care for
He just wanted my mother to suffer, but to suffer in pain more
Ever since the age 4, I knew Mike as more than a best friend
To me he was like a bro. We had a relationship I refused to let end
Why she seperated us, I have no idea. But damn i'm pissed
Even tho he tried to kill me, but Mike - for sure i'll miss.
..........you talk about your best friend Mike, and how he will be missed...and about the true friendship....very nice.

alright, well ILLunatic and Lyric; you guys really outdid yourselves here. this was very very nice and i want this one nominated. keep it up, cause i wanna read more of your guys stuff.....peace

Very, very nice drop.. Definately should be nominated for legends... This piece was dope as shit.

It started with perfection.... Ended with it... The end COULD OF been worded slightly better.. But this was still a perfect piece no doubt. Good work for the both of you. Good story too..

I could sit here and ive you props on every little bit of it... But I'ma stick wit the "Holy Shit"..........

Yo... The story itself was a masterpiece...

Matt's first drop - Flawless, gave details about the character and his views, what he thinks of life... How things are perfect with him....

Mike - Nice, came off wicked in the ending just a perfect twist of things.

Middle - Nice... Deep, expressed fears, hardships... Just completely emotional was nice.

Ending - Perfection... The fight, the solving, the consequence. Nothing I can say much you both just dropped nice. Good job both of yall.

Summing this up:

Illunatic - Look yo your a good writer, really this is very good. You basically just wrote the whole damn story with rhyming... Because if you fit it all together witout the rhymes you'd have a hardcore story STILL.

Lyric - You put the wickedness in the story.. Just was very well written, had your own thoughts in there, and added well to the wole piece... Beautiful work yall two props.

Pz... Good Work.

By the way.. this OM has been 3 months in the making for me.
Originally I started it to do a collab with feeble.
But after I did the first 2 verses, I waited for him for 3 months.
Then finally I just talked to Lyric, and got him into it.
And it finally unfolded.

Took quite a bit of time to think of the concept though,
ask Lyric... took a while to explain to him.

This is the greatest story telling that i have seen so far in my time on RB. great collab, u both did dope. This is what RB is made of, this is Hip-Hop. the vocab was used well and the dialogue was nearly perfect. the lyrics were easy to flow to and it made me get into the peice unlike most open mics. The story line was interesting and played out well. as i read it, i forgot on how long it was. but if u put it on audio, it would be like a 4-5 minute song which is pretty normal. i enjoyed reading this peice, props to both.
*nominates it*

ps. Yo Illunatic, i don't mind how u respond to me, but you wanna collab with me for an open mic?

Lol.. appreciate the feedback moe... and yeah, i'll do a collab.
Get at me.

"In the winter of 1982, a beautiful young woman gave birth
For what it's worth, she brought 2 fraternal twins to this earth
But it gets worst, in two years time, she sent one away
Put 'em up for adoption, and just left the other one to stay
There's no way to explain what was going through her mind
Splitting up two babies, who were adorable combined
Every night she cried, heartbroken from her decision
She was depressed and angry, totally opposite of derision
With precision, she lived day to day trying to hide what she done
Never spoke of the adoption, so she could hide it from her son"

This section was OK. For the most part its simply information on your story. Not much emotion was conveyed.. in some parts it looked like you tried by using some descriptive language, but you must understand descriptive language is only the beginning of conveying emotion. To me, emotion is even better conveyed through actions. The rhythm in this wasn't bad, but not exceptional either. Pretty average. You had some multies, but they were simplistic and some i would go as far as to say were forced. [with precision being one, that wasnt needed to further your plot or to convey emotion or anything else except to rhyme].

All my childhood, i've grown up wishing I had a sibling
Someone to play with or talk to. Aww what I was missing
Constantly wishing, that I had a brother or sister ya know
But my mother always said, you'll never have a sis or a bro
Although I felt like I did. Michael's been my friend for years
He was always someone that I could easily tell my fears
It's clear, we've been friends through thick and through thin
He's been a down to earth friend, since the first day I knew him
What can I say, He's always been known as my best friend
Quote me as I say - this is one relationship, I refuse to let end

This section was considerably better than the last. You did what i described in the breakdown for your first section.. in this section you used actions to convey emotion, and you did a pretty good job with it. Not having a sister or brother is something pretty much everyone can relate to in one way or another, and you capitalized on that. Rhythm was nice except for the last two bars, you fucked it up a little on those. You also alluded to something later in the story - you gave a little hint of what was to come [them being brothers] which was a good addition to your story. rating: good

I grew up with Matt, felt a bond but didn’t know it was real
Until about four years ago, when my parents revealed the deal
I always knew I was adopted, but from where It was never clear
Always had been kept a mystery, from my unknowledgeable ears
And then I met Matt, he always used to come over to my house
Met with stares from my parents, but I never knew what about
Then they sat me down one day, and told me the whole secret
Matt was my birth brother, the one my biological mom kept
And his mother….my mom…..has said nothing in her defense
And now we’re "best friends", but it’s all about revenge in the end
The fuck was wrong with me? Why’d she have to give me away
Bitch thought I was useless? I’ll show her the errors in her ways
I’m suddenly filled with rage, I can’t believe I wasn’t told
I’ll fuckin kill them both, I know Matt had to know
No, I’ll just murder Matt, so she has to live with the guilt
And then maybe she’ll feel half of the loneliness I’ve felt
I’ll have my final vengeance, no true mom would give me up
I’ve never felt the love, that I should have growing up
She lost a son willingly, well Ima make her lose the other
Now we’ll see how she feels, Matt is no longer my brother

forgive me for saying, but a large part of this seems to be done hastily and not very well. you could've done a much better job describing how you found out you were brother, your reactions, your parents reactions - a lot of things. The latter half of it was done much more nicely and continued the plot well. throughout this section you moved from idea to idea with little connection to the last idea, and with little direction to the reader. [where you were going with it].


I just invited him over, should be here any minute
We’ll go for a walk, somewhere secluded and hidden
I know a good spot, with lots of trees and a hill
Paint a redline on his neck, and let him roll untill…
*ding dong*

Nice job with this. you kept it short and succinct, kept your story going, and did a nice job moving into him coming to your house. you also got your point across without actually stating it - i know something is going to happen later but i still don't know how its going to happen.

Wassup! On the phone you sounded like somethin bad happened. Whats wrong?
Is everything ok? You kno, no matter what. By you're side, i'll be along
Everythings fine man, Jus got some deep shit on my mind
Lets go up to the bluff, it’ll help to pass the time
Aint man, lets go. But I dont kno what goin there would do to make this better
But whatever you wanna do, I got you. Cuz man, you my bestest friend ever
Yeah whatever you say man, hey I’m curious bout sumthin too
If you knew an important secret, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?
Of course I would. I tell you everything. Reguardless of what it is
But why do you ask? You think i'm hiding something? If so, whats with this?
Nah dawg don’t worry about it, come on lets get to this place
Hold up lemme grab my knife, you never can be too safe

good job once again. a nice job was done sneaking the knife thing into the story with a good twist - making up a reason for it, a good reason at that. the reason also leads into the next part of your story. good planning.

Yeah, this is a bad neighborhood now a days huh? It's a shame
Remember those days we use to be able to play, shit just aint the same
Yeah things can change in an instant, makes you wonder don’t it
How people you thought can be trusted, can quickly turn to opponents

very good content here. excellent. best part of the piece- this whole section was good. the final two bars above were both metaphors to the situation that was about to go down with the brothers.. as well as giving insight to the reader about society and human nature, and also continuing the story with an interesting conversation..

Oh shit, Mike my best friend, my brother? And he nearly killed me
Now he's dead, and I got all this new information, which over thrilled me
I can't believe this. After all these years, I JUST found out the truth
I had a brother, and my mother kept it from me, I feel so used.
He was never really my friend, he just wanted my death as revenge
For my mothers mistake.... on me, he wanted to avenge
13 years as best friends, or so I thought. The shit was fake?
I told him my coldest and deepest secrets for goodness sakes
He was the one person I trusted, but my trust, he didn't care for
He just wanted my mother to suffer, but to suffer in pain more
Ever since the age 4, I knew Mike as more than a best friend
To me he was like a bro. We had a relationship I refused to let end
Why she seperated us, I have no idea. But damn i'm pissed
Even tho he tried to kill me, but Mike - for sure i'll miss.

good in some parts, very lacking in others. mostly lacking though. this didn't have the emotion or the 'fire' i thought your ending should've had.. it shouldve had some passion in it.. not just a way to end the story.


overall: a good piece..definitely OM of the month. legendary? no. there were parts that were lacking, in fact the middle was the only part i'd even consider for legends, and parts of the middle were definitely very well written. but in parts of the piece you lacked good transitions to the next part of the story, and in other parts the story wasnt very interesting, except that the concept was interesting so i still wanted to move on to the next part.

Boo @ Feeble!!

*cries*

Lol. if you want people to just come in & tell you you're dope i can understand that. If you want to write soemthing legendary follow my feedback.

:)

Listen to what I said on aim, and you'll see why me no follow.


:(

This a GOOD fucking drop.............Damn rv can't even touch this...........Yo the creativity and the imaginary was on point here. The strucuture needs a little work ....The story line of this shit was decent and very good..This a good drop here, i'll nominate this as the blah blah w/e of the year/ month w/e peace.

Appreciate the feedback.

This has been nominated for legends, and OM of the month.

^that avy is very familiar....my friend God used to have it.

Really nice drop guys... Nice vocabulary... Great story and it was conveyed excellently. I support peoples submission of this as worthy of the Top 10 for Feb 05. I would say that maybe structure needs to be fixed a little but I'm just trying to find something I can constructively criticise.

I'm impressed...

Peace

Aight.. up

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by -Moe-

^that avy is very familiar....my friend God used to have it.

---

I had this back before God even registered.
Envy Ny had it before me.

Damn this was a great piece and I'm lost for words Iliked the whole thing all the way through even though it took seven days. But this was very interesting and I liked it basically peace and keep dropping hottness.

i liked this drop very nicely repped good shit i thought my shit was bangin i goota give you props kid...much love

Word, this was a dope collab, it was long, but I was intrigued to read it till the end....which is what happens with all good pieces, but yea definately OM Hall of fame, I would say maybe to legends, but i have no vote in their so blah, but all in all this is a good piece and deserves recognition. 1

Dope, lets get some more feedback.

Also, please drop some feedback in the Legends Nomination

worked well .. very well .. complimented each other throughout .. the conversation was great .. seemed a tad forced in areas but hey ! alot of emotion came through throughout .. some favorite lines :

What can I say, He's always been known as my best friend
Quote me as I say - this is one relationship, I refuse to let end

- for personal reasons

No, I’ll just murder Matt, so she has to live with the guilt
And then maybe she’ll feel half of the loneliness I’ve felt

- the reasoning in a moment of madness came across perfectly

Yeah things can change in an instant, makes you wonder don’t it
How people you thought can be trusted, can quickly turn to opponents
Fa`real. But atleast we aint gotta worry bout that tho, best friends for life
But damn man, this place seems a little spooky. I dont feel right tonight

- great bar .. it's really flowing at this point

there were plenty of quotables

first om i've read in a while .. well worth it .. great piece

*bites*

Wow....

Pretty nice short story here...
Originality was pretty good. Heard of a story
Like this before , but at any rate this was pretty
Original.

Lyric:
You played the part very well nice
flow and good vocabulary. You didn't
loose flow while playing your roll...
The whole part with your vegence and
your plot to kill your brother, was nicley
done. Sorry you died at the end lol...


Illunatic:
You played your part good as well the
ending was nicley done. Your vocabulary
was par, flow was nice and you played
your roll pretty good as well. My favorite
part from you was when you didn't know
that he was your brother.. and he told you
when he was attemping to stab you. all shocked..


Definitley should get nominated for O.M of the
month due to the story line. I was into it..
You both should have worked on the vocabulary
and metaphor with deep meaning and a twist would
have help this piece make it into legends...as well
as the concepts of the scenes...


Overall Nicely done....

Uno.

dope...

..To be honest, after a while of reading, and getting into the storie, the length of it seemed to be little

You spaced the storie out good, imo..

..But i have to be further honest

Although you both gave quite a bit emotion in it, it just wasn't enough..

..I caught a few noce lines from time to time, off both of you

But it wasn't the same all the way through..

..Dramaticly dope storie

& good writting from the both of you..

..but i personaly dont think it's legends material

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ILLunatic.

Normal - ILLunatic
Italicized - Lyric

In the winter of 1982, a beautiful young woman gave birth
For what it's worth, she brought 2 fraternal twins to this earth
But it gets worst, in two years time, she sent one away
Put 'em up for adoption, and just left the other one to stay
There's no way to explain what was going through her mind
Splitting up two babies, who were adorable combined
Every night she cried, heartbroken from her decision
She was depressed and angry, totally opposite of derision
With precision, she lived day to day trying to hide what she done
Never spoke of the adoption, so she could hide it from her son
- Matt
All my childhood, i've grown up wishing I had a sibling
Someone to play with or talk to. Aww what I was missing
Constantly wishing, that I had a brother or sister ya know
But my mother always said, you'll never have a sis or a bro
Although I felt like I did. Michael's been my friend for years
He was always someone that I could easily tell my fears
It's clear, we've been friends through thick and through thin
He's been a down to earth friend, since the first day I knew him
What can I say, He's always been known as my best friend
Quote me as I say - this is one relationship, I refuse to let end

- Mike
I grew up with Matt, felt a bond but didn’t know it was real
Until about four years ago, when my parents revealed the deal
I always knew I was adopted, but from where It was never clear
Always had been kept a mystery, from my unknowledgeable ears
And then I met Matt, he always used to come over to my house
Met with stares from my parents, but I never knew what about
Then they sat me down one day, and told me the whole secret
Matt was my birth brother, the one my biological mom kept
And his mother….my mom…..has said nothing in her defense
And now we’re "best friends", but it’s all about revenge in the end
The fuck was wrong with me? Why’d she have to give me away
Bitch thought I was useless? I’ll show her the errors in her ways
I’m suddenly filled with rage, I can’t believe I wasn’t told
I’ll fuckin kill them both, I know Matt had to know
No, I’ll just murder Matt, so she has to live with the guilt
And then maybe she’ll feel half of the loneliness I’ve felt
I’ll have my final vengeance, no true mom would give me up
I’ve never felt the love, that I should have growing up
She lost a son willingly, well Ima make her lose the other
Now we’ll see how she feels, Matt is no longer my brother

I just invited him over, should be here any minute
We’ll go for a walk, somewhere secluded and hidden
I know a good spot, with lots of trees and a hill
Paint a redline on his neck, and let him roll untill…
*ding dong*
Wassup! On the phone you sounded like somethin bad happened. Whats wrong?
Is everything ok? You kno, no matter what. By you're side, i'll be along
Everythings fine man, Jus got some deep shit on my mind
Lets go up to the bluff, it’ll help to pass the time
Aint man, lets go. But I dont kno what goin there would do to make this better
But whatever you wanna do, I got you. Cuz man, you my bestest friend ever
Yeah whatever you say man, hey I’m curious bout sumthin too
If you knew an important secret, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?
Of course I would. I tell you everything. Reguardless of what it is
But why do you ask? You think i'm hiding something? If so, whats with this?
Nah dawg don’t worry about it, come on lets get to this place
Hold up lemme grab my knife, you never can be too safe
Yeah, this is a bad neighborhood now a days huh? It's a shame
Remember those days we use to be able to play, shit just aint the same
Yeah things can change in an instant, makes you wonder don’t it
How people you thought can be trusted, can quickly turn to opponents
Fa`real. But atleast we aint gotta worry bout that tho, best friends for life
But damn man, this place seems a little spooky. I dont feel right tonight
We’re almost there man, just up this hill and past these trees
Up here in this clearing, where we can look out over the city
Fa`real? I haven't been here, by the looks of it, not many people have
How long you been comin here? Is this like, your own secret pad?
It‘s where I come to think, go ahead look over the ledge
It’s a long long ways down, definitely an instant death
I'm good. You kno i'm afraid of heights. Me lookin down is a death wish
But shit... be right back man, I gotta take a huge piss
His back to me while I walk up, slowly as to not draw attention
Pull the knife from my pocket, I‘ll show my brother my affection
*branches cracking* - Mike is that you? Man, dont sneak up on me
You ass...! You kno how scared I get, now come out... please!
I jump at him, knife out, I’m gonna slit your throat fucker
You have no chance in hell, kill you for stealing my mother
Stealing your mother? The hell you talkin about? Man dont play
Why you gotta fuck around so much? This shit's so gay!
I aint kidding around bitch, don’t act so fuckin innocent
You think your better then me? Don’t be so ignorant
We’re brothers you and I, Moms separated us at birth
Biggest mistake of her life, didn’t know what I was worth
WHAT!?! She aint ever tell me I had a brother, the fuck
Dude, put down the knife. I'm sorry man, that shit must suck
But damn, dont try to kill me man. Especially if we're family
Dont take this shit out of proportion, killin people madly
Damn it Mike you need some help. This shit just aint right
Put the knife down fa`real, & lets go home and get away from this late night
I grab Matt to throw him down, but he pulls me down with him
And as I try to make the stab, from this awkward position
[Deflects Mikes stab attempt, both roll as the knife gets stuck inbetween the two]
NO!!!, ahh... *knife goes into Mike* - NO!!!!, MIKE!!!!
And just in an instant, with 1 knife, there goes Mikes whole life


-Matt
Oh shit, Mike my best friend, my brother? And he nearly killed me
Now he's dead, and I got all this new information, which over thrilled me
I can't believe this. After all these years, I JUST found out the truth
I had a brother, and my mother kept it from me, I feel so used.
He was never really my friend, he just wanted my death as revenge
For my mothers mistake.... on me, he wanted to avenge
13 years as best friends, or so I thought. The shit was fake?
I told him my coldest and deepest secrets for goodness sakes
He was the one person I trusted, but my trust, he didn't care for
He just wanted my mother to suffer, but to suffer in pain more
Ever since the age 4, I knew Mike as more than a best friend
To me he was like a bro. We had a relationship I refused to let end
Why she seperated us, I have no idea. But damn i'm pissed
Even tho he tried to kill me, but Mike - for sure i'll miss.

---

i liked the flow to it it had good structer as well as good rhyme sheme the only thing that i thought that had a flaw to it was the lenght of the piece but over all it was good i enjoyed reading it so keep it up and keep dropin some more shit, peace

This was aight...

Interesting little way of collabing bar for bar...

Haven't seen that in a while, if not ever...musta taken forever.

Great flow, good rhymes throught...only a couple lines outta that long ass shit made me stumble...other than that, no big flaws.

The story, I dunno...cuz I'm older than you cats...I see and relate to shit differently than ya'll do.

You can't ask me to judge shit like this, cuz to me, it's pretty much half gay to go round talkin bout how much you love another dude. I mean, I've been chillin with this one bud of mine for longer than any of you cats have chilled with any of your buds. Over 20 years...THAT'S a long time...and we been through it all...street kids/hood kids...all the way to marriage, our own kids, divorce, houses, cars, businesses...walked the long mile.

And I wouldn't be caught dead writing any lyrics bout his punk ass!
And if I did go gay enough to do so...he'd bitch slap the sense back into me!

I just don't vibe with it. When I was younger, friends did mean a bit more than they do now...but still...even then...I never felt the need to put down any lyrics over a dude.

So, story, I don't get it...

But it flowed like water, ya'll.

Peace

Dope...

You feedless bastards.

This was some good shit. I liked the story and both of you guys have skills so its easy to read. Probably the best shit I've read, but I've only registered today hahaha.

Dope collab guys, much props...
I'd really just be listing what everyone else says...

The twist with Mike basically killing himself was awesome...didn't expect that at all

side note: Anything Lyric writes seems to turn out dope...