First Touch (Collab W/ AbusivE)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=166104&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166214




AbusivE
Credz


The texture of her palm struck me, when we first held hands
It felt as if my soul rised to the above, when our love began
My heart started to glow, as your love lifted me from below
The essence of your passion, rapidly filled my empty soul
Your smile always shined so bright,i knew you were my kind
Beauitiful fragrants of her perfume astounded my mind
Holding your hand gently, i could feel chills hit my finger tips
Success ran through my veins, after kissing her on the lips
Beautiful memories still float in my head, from our first hug
I couldnt get enough, After the passion of our first touch

Tenderness Just Renders This With Every Slender Kiss...
Cause Every Moment Im With You I'll Remember It...
It Never Hurts Much When Loves Works Rushed...
Cause You Made It So Deep With That First Touch...

Beauty surrounds me just like the night lit sky filled with stars...
Gleaming so preciously in my hand as we both build our hearts...
So thrilled to start, a whole new life with the one I love so dearly...
Love seen so clearly by many as cupid's little arrow spears me...
Effecting me severely, As my heart throbs to be next to yours...
Beating faster, yearning constantly for you, I cant object no more...
I bet it's pure, yet im sure, like a spring waterfall crashing to rocks...
I'm falling hard, splashing so deep into your love, catching the drops...
As they trickle smoothly over my skin, trembling with words hushed...
Cause I'm drowning in your passion so deep, all from that first touch...

uppppin...

Nice, nice, nice...

I wasn't thrilled with Abusive's opening multi's...I guess cuz they were too simple...
"soul, below, glow, soul (again).

It did pick up a bit and become better towards the end. Flow, vocab...

Credz did aight, I think his was a bit better than A's...
He had better vocab from the start, complexity was added...metas...

The emotion in this, though...I didn't feel.

I read it, it was prolly suppossed to portray it, but I felt zip.

Don't know why...it came across kinda generic, insincere.

Sorry, it just did to me.

Still worth the read, but it seemed more tutorial...kinda like...

Love Rhyming, 101.

Peace

It Seams To Be Done Just To Be Done Not Out Of Expression Of Feeling Both Came Nice And Had Ups And Downs Abusive Had A Flow That Began Weekand Built To Strong Credz Was More Of A Flatline He Started Good And Finished As Such This Wasnt The Best But It Wasnt Week At All Just Seams Without Feeling

iight besides the fact of love an alll taht bullshit, this waz pritty good, metaphores, alwayz good. Emotion, i felt watshu was sayin. Hook fit topik perfect, ... the only kritiasism was AbusivE's verse. it played in toon an all, mabey it's jsut the way im readin it er summin, but in some partz, it just chopz, ya feel me. Don matter tho, shitz still tight, 8/10 fo sho. Keep this shit up (without the soft topikz plz :P) Iight (\1/)

Thanks for the feed Abusive... Returning the favour...

Abusive's verse was nice, not exceptional, but above the average stuff you tend to see in OM. Feeling and emotion was there, and was blended nicely with some subtle imagery. However overall it was quite bland... Didn't really have a particular flavour to it... Flow seemed alright, nothing stretched, but some multi's were a little basic, and read as if they were forced...

Credz nice verse, bars seemed stretched in places... Imagery was nice, adjectives that you chose to use were well placed, and worked well... Again, the verse was a little bland... I couldn't relate to it, but I could overstand... I think a few internals and multis would have improved the peice. Nice vocab though, this wasn't overdone, but was nice...

Overall from both - it was good lyricism, but lacked emotion. I particulary felt the hook to be honest, so whoever wrote that - props...!

Good work people...

PEace

Yo this hit the spot for me...cus um been havin a messed up day on the street then i come and see this...it really calmed my ass down!!!!But anyway i thought it was really good...liked the vocab alot...hot shit...felt the emotion even though i thought it should've came more deeper...overall 9/10 good drop homies

thanks for the feed guys, drop links and i'll check yours out...

pretty good verses from both...I felt either one brought their own to it...it was a pleasent read but no hall of fame material....the imagery was there for sure as was the vocab but u coulda used more multis...anyways good drop y'all...pz

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Credz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=166104&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166214




AbusivE
Credz


The texture of her palm struck me, when we first held hands
It felt as if my soul rised to the above, when our love began
My heart started to glow, as your love lifted me from below
The essence of your passion, rapidly filled my empty soul
Your smile always shined so bright,i knew you were my kind
Beauitiful fragrants of her perfume astounded my mind
Holding your hand gently, i could feel chills hit my finger tips
Success ran through my veins, after kissing her on the lips
Beautiful memories still float in my head, from our first hug
I couldnt get enough, After the passion of our first touch

Tenderness Just Renders This With Every Slender Kiss...
Cause Every Moment Im With You I'll Remember It...
It Never Hurts Much When Loves Works Rushed...
Cause You Made It So Deep With That First Touch...

Beauty surrounds me just like the night lit sky filled with stars...
Gleaming so preciously in my hand as we both build our hearts...
So thrilled to start, a whole new life with the one I love so dearly...
Love seen so clearly by many as cupid's little arrow spears me...
Effecting me severely, As my heart throbs to be next to yours...
Beating faster, yearning constantly for you, I cant object no more...
I bet it's pure, yet im sure, like a spring waterfall crashing to rocks...
I'm falling hard, splashing so deep into your love, catching the drops...
As they trickle smoothly over my skin, trembling with words hushed...
Cause I'm drowning in your passion so deep, all from that first touch...

---

Nice contents, but I thought the emotion could've stood out a lil more seemed more like a poetry duet rather than a rap collaboration no dissin jus my opinion hola!!!!!!!!! C.B.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Credz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=166104&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166214




AbusivE
Credz


The texture of her palm struck me, when we first held hands
It felt as if my soul rised to the above, when our love began
My heart started to glow, as your love lifted me from below
The essence of your passion, rapidly filled my empty soul
Your smile always shined so bright,i knew you were my kind
Beauitiful fragrants of her perfume astounded my mind
Holding your hand gently, i could feel chills hit my finger tips
Success ran through my veins, after kissing her on the lips
Beautiful memories still float in my head, from our first hug
I couldnt get enough, After the passion of our first touch

Tenderness Just Renders This With Every Slender Kiss...
Cause Every Moment Im With You I'll Remember It...
It Never Hurts Much When Loves Works Rushed...
Cause You Made It So Deep With That First Touch...

Beauty surrounds me just like the night lit sky filled with stars...
Gleaming so preciously in my hand as we both build our hearts...
So thrilled to start, a whole new life with the one I love so dearly...
Love seen so clearly by many as cupid's little arrow spears me...
Effecting me severely, As my heart throbs to be next to yours...
Beating faster, yearning constantly for you, I cant object no more...
I bet it's pure, yet im sure, like a spring waterfall crashing to rocks...
I'm falling hard, splashing so deep into your love, catching the drops...
As they trickle smoothly over my skin, trembling with words hushed...
Cause I'm drowning in your passion so deep, all from that first touch...

---

Nice contents, but I thought the emotion could've stood out a lil more seemed more like a poetry duet rather than a rap collaboration no dissin jus my opinion hola!!!!!!!!! C.B.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Credz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=166104&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166214




AbusivE
Credz


The texture of her palm struck me, when we first held hands
It felt as if my soul rised to the above, when our love began
My heart started to glow, as your love lifted me from below
The essence of your passion, rapidly filled my empty soul
Your smile always shined so bright,i knew you were my kind
Beauitiful fragrants of her perfume astounded my mind
Holding your hand gently, i could feel chills hit my finger tips
Success ran through my veins, after kissing her on the lips
Beautiful memories still float in my head, from our first hug
I couldnt get enough, After the passion of our first touch

Tenderness Just Renders This With Every Slender Kiss...
Cause Every Moment Im With You I'll Remember It...
It Never Hurts Much When Loves Works Rushed...
Cause You Made It So Deep With That First Touch...

Beauty surrounds me just like the night lit sky filled with stars...
Gleaming so preciously in my hand as we both build our hearts...
So thrilled to start, a whole new life with the one I love so dearly...
Love seen so clearly by many as cupid's little arrow spears me...
Effecting me severely, As my heart throbs to be next to yours...
Beating faster, yearning constantly for you, I cant object no more...
I bet it's pure, yet im sure, like a spring waterfall crashing to rocks...
I'm falling hard, splashing so deep into your love, catching the drops...
As they trickle smoothly over my skin, trembling with words hushed...
Cause I'm drowning in your passion so deep, all from that first touch...

---

Nice contents, but I thought the emotion could've stood out a lil more seemed more like a poetry duet rather than a rap collaboration no dissin jus my opinion hola!!!!!!!!! C.B.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Credz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=166104&page=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166214




AbusivE
Credz


The texture of her palm struck me, when we first held hands
It felt as if my soul rised to the above, when our love began
My heart started to glow, as your love lifted me from below
The essence of your passion, rapidly filled my empty soul
Your smile always shined so bright,i knew you were my kind
Beauitiful fragrants of her perfume astounded my mind
Holding your hand gently, i could feel chills hit my finger tips
Success ran through my veins, after kissing her on the lips
Beautiful memories still float in my head, from our first hug
I couldnt get enough, After the passion of our first touch

Tenderness Just Renders This With Every Slender Kiss...
Cause Every Moment Im With You I'll Remember It...
It Never Hurts Much When Loves Works Rushed...
Cause You Made It So Deep With That First Touch...

Beauty surrounds me just like the night lit sky filled with stars...
Gleaming so preciously in my hand as we both build our hearts...
So thrilled to start, a whole new life with the one I love so dearly...
Love seen so clearly by many as cupid's little arrow spears me...
Effecting me severely, As my heart throbs to be next to yours...
Beating faster, yearning constantly for you, I cant object no more...
I bet it's pure, yet im sure, like a spring waterfall crashing to rocks...
I'm falling hard, splashing so deep into your love, catching the drops...
As they trickle smoothly over my skin, trembling with words hushed...
Cause I'm drowning in your passion so deep, all from that first touch...

---

Nice contents, but the emotion behind so much feeling jus wuzn't there, sounded more like a poetry duet rather than a rap collaboration overall good topic N vocab tho stay solid hola!!!!!!!!!!!C.B.

i thought it was decent, the first verse was ok, but the second verse flowed better, i wasnt really feeling the subject though i dont like all that love shit.

upppin...

last up...