The Nazi Suicide Note

SS Battle Verse - Needs Critique

The Nazi Suicide Note

My legacy has ended,by the way of a German gun blast...
Suicide, people will mourn, but my bequest will last...
Not in my death but in the immortal scars I have left...
Many wives and children have wept, when enemies fled...
Allied conquests have conquered in their frantic attempts...
Germany falls into the hands of allies as so forth hence...
My power relents and this steel is my proceeding destiny...
An unmatched epitome of tyranny that dictators will envy...
I've evolved into an entity, repent me, begin to respect...
As those Germans who surrender are traitors who defect...
Reflect on my image and as a triumphant public speaker...
Ponder on my death as if I was a politician or a preacher...
even against the allies, would I have been world leader...
equally Germany falls as this is in the hands of the reader...
In Love of my country, My beliefs and the grief I've spread...
For all those Nazi believers, and the Germans who now lay dead...
They've earned my respect, dying against my side splinter...
That allies defeated me, suicide's my escape... signed...A.Hitler

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

I'm a dumbass ^

Here they are..

Masterbation Ruined My Life
What hiphop means 2 me

This was an original idea, I've never seen many things like this before.

You had good vocabulary, but at times I found it hard to read.
Some of your lines flowed with ease, while others especially the last lines seemd forced to me.
But overall, this was a good drop, nice work.

good but not realistic...think about it....pz

Not realistic? What the fuck? It's a verse, why does it have to be realistic? And, it was realistic, that's what happened.

Good verse.

I read your topic for the SS. I'm surprised anyone is joinging now. You get no play. There's like set guides to exactly what your verse is about. Wack.

Its a good verse and its on topic as well.....good vocab rhyme scheme seemed a bit weird but thats prolly cuz of your accent...and structure was good may be just me but the flow seemed a bit off but nothing major and everything else....perfecto my firend..did u win the battle with this..hmm...

*runs to SS to vote on others battles*

is it realistic that Hitler woulda said some like that?....most unlikely but hey ur a fruit...
sorry for clogging ya thread Cee....gone

Why does it have to realistic? He was writing to a topic, but obviously you don't know what that is yet.

It was a good verse, and considering how shitty the topic was and how many guidelines it had. So, good work bud. Don't listen to "realistic" dude over here. If everyone followed those principles, writing itself would be dead.

I read this already in SS. Nice verse. Bit short, but it was okay considering it was written quickly. Simple approach to the topic, but it was a shitty topic anyway. You're doing a nice job repping the crew, keep at it.

Give this a read, if you would:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165013

- Thanks.

able said:
"And, it was realistic, that's what happened."

no more comment...pz

bleh another one I read for SS today
the guidelines again give no one any
freedom at all to be creative like your
supposed to be when you write...
and Mr. Realistic STFU you dumb herb
your not supposed to be realistic when your
writing it's called being creative! Dicknose

Nice verse for such a short line limit and
imagery you need to put more into that
section of your writing in my point of view
but nice job none the least...

check out my new OM

What the Problem Is?

it wus a quick 15 min or less key


-SyaNidal

Bounce...

Thanks for the reps people, even those ones which were just arguing with the guy above... lol... Glad to see my verse has stirred some emotions...

Anyway... WoooShHsh

PS: Won the battle coz of a no-show...

i was feeling this it was original and with the guidelines or what ever u did good....keep it up..

Nice shit...

The ending, of course, was way predictable...

I knew it'd be the cat with the funny mustache.

Very good, but very statement like approach. You didn't go for emotion on this one, if ya did, you didn't portray it well enough...I'd have described the suffering he ordered in more detail...the horrors he caused.

But, for who he was, and seeing as this was suppossed to come from him...

I think it's pretty accurate...I doubt ole Hitler would reflect on with remorse, anything he did...prolly only remorse he had was that it all went south on him.

Good shit, enjoyable.

Technically, yeah, improvements are needed.
A more complex rhyme scheme could always be used.
Internals...but either way...this is good, man.

Peace

Instead of you asses being so critical of the SS guidelines, which I admit, are pretty lame, why not analyze this piece n' critique it well ? Dumbfucks, bitching never gets you anywhere.

I understand you have line limit or w/e, I don't really know.. but seeing as how you probly did, you could've done ALOT better. I know it's hard working w/ restrictions, but those restrictions should bring out your best. If you have a line limit, put all you can into the lines you can do. You could've protrayed emotion alot better, dug deeper into Hitler's mind, used more imagery. There's alot of things that could've made this better. I'm not saying it was bad, but i'm not saying it was that good either. I doubt Hitler would reflect in the way you protrayed him too. Instead of writing it like that, I would've probly written it as him looking back and marvelling @ his destruction of Germany. That would've been alot better, n' also would've allowed you to convey more imagery n' emotion across. Like BTK said, Hitler's reflection would've of been of remorse, but rather of no sincerity towards the carnage he created, n' maybe a little saddened that things ended up the way they did.

This is what you need man, you don't need people to feed you bullshit about how "fucked up" Sacred Scritpures is. Sure, this piece was nice, but it wasn't THAT good.. so yeah, next time you have a limit to how many lines n' what not, think about what I said, n' improve. That's all you can do.. take this critique w/ an open mind n' don't bitch @ me.. Pz. -Check out My Girl 'Til The End appreciate it-

I dont bitch about replies - couldn't really give a shit about people flooding my thread, at least it stays up without my help!!

As a point, Hitler didn't destruct Germany, If anything, when he came to power he saved Germany from what was at the time a very bleak future. I also don't believe that he would have reflected upon his achievements remorsefully. He was well aware of what he was doing, and his added conviction to his actions, in my opinion, meant he genuinely believed in what he was doing was right.

I appreciate the replies though people, and I admit, yes this verse could have been considerably better than it was, but I wrote it on the train journey back to Uni on sunday. So it was rushed, and then my opponent no-showed. Meh...

Bounce to the top...

Hup...

nice ,different,vocab good.a little short.versitile complex..symetrical<---lol just talkin shit..but i loved it a different point of view not of the NORM i like creativity not just some gangsta talk all the time pretty dope boi boi

just in case anyone was wondering, I'm NOT a white supremicist or a nazi... It was a topic that I was given in SS...

Thanks for the feed - I was hungry...

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1

Ignition

We have lift off...

Uppin..... In.... In... In.. In.