Baptized in Acid

Baptized in acid, a placid kiss soaks in my veins
Reminding me of heaven yet tripping over its remains
It leads me to a meadow of unyielding blades
With a sunset cast behind it, and a hint of purple haze
Sliding down a razor, slitting wrists on this playground
Conveyed a bloody image of an angel whos dreams were never found
The sky became an ocean swimming with dead corpses
Remorse was their cries as I joined their evil forces
Waves of raged refugees came crashing to their knees
For I was their leader, they once had followed me
Swallowed seeds of betrayal left a trail of calamity
The sanity was lost and my world had vanished from thee
Banished from my soul for you had held the key
The cage that held our future- we now walk upon debris

oh my god dear mes,this was an all around solid read,i mean the imagery was nice and vivid,the emotion was deep and darkening in this,i loved the concept you displayed,the flow was smooth like a babys butt lol,there was also a nice use of vocab in this,nice drop mes keep them coming

this was a top notch, short, but very action packed piece. i loved the content throughout the whole piece. along with about every thing else like your imagry you got across very well, the flow which seemed great the whole piece, and overall just the talented approached to this topic you took. your talent was always good, but it just keeps getting better with pieces like this. i enjoy reading everything of yours and this i'd have to say is up there with the rest of the awesome pieces you have written. you got some real talent and i really do think you got a chance, if you wanted, outside of the net writting poetry. i was half awake reading this, but still you managed to keep me very interested and lured me into your piece very well. i loved the piece, really good read mez. keep on pimpin'.

thanks guys.....i appreciate it

Rhyming was nice....imagry was solid....emotion was dope
Wordchoice was ill

dope...chea

Damn Mez... im in shock

That was some of the dopest shit I've ever seen you write.
I would nominate this for legends if I could. But hopefully someone else will.
Cause like Lyric said... your wordchoice was ill. I know you can write like this
every time if you really tryed. The imagry and emotion is this was amazing.
I felt like I was right there watching it. And you ended it dope as hell too.
Metaphores were just crazy too. Nice ass job honey.

Again, you have put exquisite imagery in your poem. You got me from the begining, with the line "Baptized in acid, a placid kiss soaks in my veins". That line definetely was deep. Great opener."Conveyed a bloody image of an angel whos dreams were never found" Amazing, I love lines like that, it stands out so much and hits so hard that you can't help but like the poem just because of that one line. The imagery is so strong, like in your other poems, I think that if you would have kept writing that this would have been truly beyond great. Emotion was strong, it really captured the reader. I was really into it. I was impressed by the ammount of emotion you put into this. Although I wish you made it longer so I could have been more entranced in the poetry. I did get a sense of the emotion, and I got it well, but I felt that you could've gone further with the emotion. Rhyme scheme, it was more of a poetic rhyme scheme. I felt that the rhyme was a it off at times, even as far as forced in some places. You had nice internal rhyming, that brought it right back. I've never been one to be caught up in rhyming so I didn't really mind. Word choice, was impecable, you could not have picked better words to describe the imagery and emotion in this. Length, hmmm..that's the only thing, I wish this was longer, I as the reader, am left wanting more. I mean, it's good to leave the reader wanting more but I felt as if something wasn't finished. The whole thing was basically metaphors, so definetely no shortage in the poetic side of this. Good work with this one. I've yet to read a bad poem from you, keep it up and keep elevating. We all still have a long way to go.

thanks homie

Quote:

---

Nice ass job honey.

---

Mez, you never told me you got an ass job!

But besides that, this was amazing. One of the best poems I have read this small. First line immediately set the dopeness off...
"Baptized in acid, a placid kiss soaks in my veins"

Amazing line alone. The whole way through you told a short, abstract story with captivating imagery, and bloody emotion. I felt awe-struck with these lines defined:
"With a sunset cast behind it, and a hint of purple haze
Sliding down a razor, slitting wrists on this playground"

Your meter is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Like, I dont have one bad thing to say. I always feel guilty when hitting up PoEthics work, because I always praise it. Not cause you are in my crew, but because it is always so dope. We are, by far the best poets/writers on RB. The best collection of artists.
You should try to get this published in a book, for real. I think this would better suit an amateur poetry book than the net, because it was top notche poetry. I only have one bad thing to say, and that is sometime I want to see different rhymescheme, and experimentation with your poems. Besides that, flawless. Peace Mez.

wow, thanks homie...ive been tryin to write a book of poetry, hopefully ill be able to get it published when its finished...this will definately contribute to it.

Mes.. you're my bitch, yo.. This piece was so good.. the vivid imagery was amazing on your part.. you packed so much into so little.. like everyone else has said, you got me from the beginning.. shit, even the title pulled me into it n' made me want to read it.. this is by far one of the best poems i've read on this site.. the way it rolled off my tongue was great, b/c usually poems are just thrown together into stanzas, w/ no care for how it'll come across.. people usually focus on content.. n' you def. did, as the content of this was phenomenal.. but you also incorporated flow, and multi's.. everything about this stood out.. Great Job.. glad I wasn't lazy n' read this. Pz.

thanks form

Felt smoother than most of what I've read from you before - it was a pleasant experience to read - the words were skillfully woven - coo ish - keep at it - peace

upping.......

i liked how u showed great imagery dealing with what seemed like a narmeggodon state, and then kind of showed how everythign washopless. and how u switched places was probably the best exmaple of being bathed in acid.

hit my poems

Great word choice. You had some nice emotion and the flow was good.

uppity up

upping this dopeness for mes

Interesting read here. Usually I never read anything in here but this sort of surprised me. Nice flow to it & the choice of words were rather fitting. Content was nice & it never seemed to drop off at all

Sliding down a razor, slitting wrists on this playground
Conveyed a bloody image of an angel whos dreams were never found
The sky became an ocean swimming with dead corpses
Remorse was their cries as I joined their evil forces

^ The truth.

good shit

Great rhyming on this, not always the most
important thing in poetry but this flowed
smoothly. Great imagry (something i do
consider v.important). Brilliant use of words
to really express what you were feeling and
to paint a perfect picture in my mind. Can't
fault this, everything was near perfect, great
job...4.5/5