Lacerated Souls (SS Verse)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158666
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158432

Lacerated souls turned cold as the spirit’s ejected into the world…
Blades slash at the bold essence which desecrates the hearts resolve…
To hold on to its quintessence that denies the presence of mettle knives…
The metal drives into the hearts and eyes, departing from failing lives…
Wailing cries in silent sound as the wounded soul leaves its edifice…
No mass, just a gash in the spirit once we’ve lashed at its emptiness…
Ending wish that the tear won’t affect the journey to the great beyond…
But the crossing is long for an injured psyche that doesn’t belong…
The dagger had punctured but it’s a fake entity, an accumulative emotion…
A carcass left with only its lifeless energy left as superlative erosion…
Torn with steely cold knives causing attrition to life’s internal virtues…
The forced scalpel inflicts a slash that continues to infernally hurt you…
Perpetually bleeding the elements of existence within our inner being…
As the yawning puncture in our soul survives it hinders our freeing…
The all seething haemorrhage of the entities energy’s loss at a charge…
Were all seeing the penalties of a blade that lacerates the soul’s heart…
Frozen meanings of mettle that meddles with the sentimental role…
The mental blade thrown and pierces finally stabbing the lacerated soul…

Uppin...

Any feedback...?

thats on some me type shit,,love yeh

I'll edit this with my critique when the voting is done

^^ Fair play... I'll do the same to your verse...

Bounce

Hup...

Straight drop, not much imagery though.
Try to use more description and storylines.
Vocab was nice, flow went good. Fell off a bit
Overall.. it was a decent drop.. keep it up

Peep mine...
Tomorrow Doesn't Look Good Either (SS Verse)

Lacerated souls turned cold as the spirit’s ejected into the world…
Blades slash at the bold essence which desecrates the hearts resolve…
To hold on to its quintessence that denies the presence of mettle knives…
The metal drives into the hearts and eyes, departing from failing lives…
Nice Vocab... strong begining
Wailing cries in silent sound as the wounded soul leaves its edifice…
No mass, just a gash in the spirit once we’ve lashed at its emptiness…
Ending wish that the tear won’t affect the journey to the great beyond…
But the crossing is long for an injured psyche that doesn’t belong…
again im loving the vocab.... sturcuture is nice
The dagger had punctured but it’s a fake entity, an accumulative emotion
A carcass left with only its lifeless energy left as superlative erosion…
Torn with steely cold knives causing attrition to life’s internal virtues…
The forced scalpel inflicts a slash that continues to infernally hurt you…
id take out the ...'s so it dosent go onto the next line liked that bold part alot
Perpetually bleeding the elements of existence within our inner being…
As the yawning puncture in our soul survives it hinders our freeing…
The all seething haemorrhage of the entities energy’s loss at a charge…
Were all seeing the penalties of a blade that lacerates the soul’s heart…
Frozen meanings of mettle that meddles with the sentimental role…
The mental blade thrown and pierces finally stabbing the lacerated soul…

i loved this imagery and emotion of this poem rilly what chatchs me... ive read it a few times better each time kee at it man i really enjoy reading your work. props.

check out dripped and drained in my sig

Upp...

up... like me...

This was good. Your vocabulary in the beginning was great. You kept a steady flow and your imagery used in this was also up to par. This was a good drop.

hmm, i didnt like it, can u please explain the topic on this one besides a few big words thrown together?

^ Hurb.

^^i was asking u to explain something for me cuz i was having a hard time understanding it and you say hurb thinking your some tough guy? whatever there buddy

I dont believe I'm a tough guy... I just think your a narrow minded idiot - deal with it.

ok then asshole, cant take honest feedback? whatever then i really dont care, learn to write.

^^ lol @ u...

Learn to write... of course...

Learn to die slow bitch...