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10-30 lines
No hate, crew, D/R votes
No feeding
Good luck
Topic will be posted
Checkin' in... Good luck, Tim Corleone.
Check ins due Monday
Verses due Wednesday
checkin what is the topic
Topic: The first day of school
Aight, check it...
Awkwardness, confusion, tension, a mix of emotions swirling around
As the teeming masses of my peers mingle, converse, I don't make a sound
The faculty of the school, gave me a schedule, threw me into this mess
They don't recall the feelings of a loner in high school, all the distress
I'm not one to fit in, first days have always been the least favorite to me
The way all the popular kids' eyes just seem to avoid me unconciously
The struggle of finding first period, life is a myriad, but I'll never solve it
My parents said I was fortunate to get that acceptance letter deposit
It seems adults forget the uncomfortable feeling, I'm just being a silly kid
But I'll never forget the shame I felt, when those bullies hunted and I hid
There it is, at last, first period, the beginning of this year-long trap
I used to pretend my torture was like a movie script, I'd say, "CUT! That's a wrap!"
But in reality it rattles me, it feels like I can't control my personal fate
I can't do anything to survive, I'm surrounded by this jealousy and hate
And see, there's really no point in looking forward to the end of the day
The way school life progresses, tommorow is like the same as yesterday
Truly, I envy those who can go through school and enjoy their time here
They have one focus in life, they look through people like me without a care
Honestly, I don't think I want to be popular, I always hated those types
Because for them, the fruit of life always seems to be looking ever so ripe
And if I could speak my mind to them in a voice they could hear audibly
I would say, "I hate you for having the life that I need so desperately"
Sometimes I look at my life, and I'm disgusted at what I am, only a wannabe
But if I could, in a second, I'd dress cool, say "Hey, cats" and "Ya gunnin', b"
I always remind myself, No trying to fit in, you'll get hurt, and that's our rule
It's like discussing my personal hell, when I hear, "How was the first day of school?"
Later
August 21, 1998
Dear Journal
The First Day of school is done and over thank god for that
I felt like a fool in fact one Friend that will always have my back
It really feels the same like last year but things will change
I’m Full of new rage at a new age my enemies still the same
At Lunch I played a game with my Friend Dungeons and Dragons
Two freshmen called us lame told us to grow up and kept baggin
Fuck Those two kids Ill really put them In There place
They’ll pay for their sins and when they do ill see their face
In My English Class I sat next to Jun She called me a queer
I wanted to shot her ass like Doom and make her taste real fear
It was worse in European history my mind went off like a twister
I cursed it’s a mystery to me why everyone had to hate on Hitler
Then I left the class I couldn’t take it all of the name calls
I let loose like a commando break-in out like a chainsaw
Came Home Beaten up my parents really didn’t care
They had there own affairs plus some arguments to spare
I’m a senior In School and still getting no respect how will I cope
It might be okay though my moms buying me a black trench coat
Just like a movie pull a gun and pray reload the ammo
Make a plan to blow up fags make students the vandals
You know what they say the first day sets the tone for your peers
I just pray it’s not cause every last one will pay for all those years
Maybe ill wait it out you know ill just see what ill happen
Because if it doesn’t then trust me ill buy a gat and start cappin
Like I told you before my Friend Dylan will always have my back
We are tight and both on Prozac trust me our minds don’t lack
It’s still the first day of school and no Journal I won’t apologize
You would know how it felt too if you went to my school Columbine
Eric Harris
Pretty Good Battle...
God - I could feel ur drop, had emotion in it too. Ur rhyme scheme was ok too. Was a nice read, didnt want it to end and could relate to it. Think ur wordin could of been improved a bit, but overall nice drop.
Tim - Same as above, tho i think u like kinda switched the story too much. Like it started off first day, then it was all bout ur friend for a long time etc. Overall i still could feel ur verse, related to it too.
Its a damn close call, but im feelin God jus a lil bit more cuz he kept his all bout that first day. Very good battle tho fellas.
Vote - God.
Good Luck Fellas. :thumbup:
Plz return favor links b in sig. Thanks.
1
uppin for votes leave links
decent battle.
God- decent concept i guess. your flow was off, shorten your lines, stretched lines making reading a drag. you stayed on topic but i really felt no emotion from your verse. i didn't quite feel the concept either, prolly cuz i can't relate.
Tim- nice little fictional read. i felt your approach more, rather have a story then hear someone tell me their thoughts, to me it expresses more. nice job on that, even if it seemed pretty sureal. you did good. better flow, equal structure.
vote-Tim
hit this up in return please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=137935
thanks.
peace
yo man thsi battle was a lil hard 2 vote on
God-Makeur ont a il bigger so we can read it it was too small so i was strugglin.Your concept was nice and made a lil sense too easy to relate to though make it more like juss on what you went through ya know.Wordplay was good flow and structure was great.Juss keep doin wut ya good at.
Tim-Your font was perfect easy to see and eurrythang.Concept was great and it was hard to relate to cause i dont think i really went through what you have.Wordplay and structure and flow great your structure was nicenot liek everyone elses which juss lays out perfectly it actually changes wit tha tone and detail your goin for.
V-Tim
no hate on you God
My font was too small? Really? First I'm hearing this. Uppin #1.
yea lol but ya kno its could juss be my comp srry if that was a wrong reason.
sorry for freepostin please resume voting dont mind this post.
Uppin #2
Decent shit, here's a br8k down of the topical battle.
Imagery-Tie, both showed good imagination and showed the reader the topic, like you were actually there.
Flow and Structure of Piece-Tie both had nice flow and easy read, I loved both pieces for this especially.
Emotion-Tim, he juss came with a little bit more emotion, which gave him the edge in this topical battle.
originality-Tim, his shit was juss more original than god's piece, but God's piece was original.
Conclusion-Tim wins this for having a better piece, but this was a really good topical battle, both of ya'll keep up the good work.
Vote/Tim
uppin 2 common peeps leave links
i think tim corleon took this one his story like hit me hard and his opponents was weaker it hit hard cuz it was like my experiences at the first day of school v tim
overall good battle props to both
God-your shit was ok man..but i didnt dig your flow as well as tims...i think your lines were a lil stretched..and that threw of the flow for me...your structure was alright...and the imagery was descent...i feel like you did a good job lettin your emotions out...
Tim-i liked your verse alot man..i mean i liked gods verse..and then i read yours and you had multis...and it just made it soiund alot better...your flow was good ..and so was your structure...great job on that man.,..
V/tim