Opiate

Opiate

*trapped in thought before the performance begins*

Brought up and groomed, by prophets of doom
As an object, with whom, to deposit the gloom-
Product that fumes from their optics. I loomed-
In the shy depths of my mind, locked in a room
Busting my fist on an unmoving wall. Using all-
I had, to abuse the hall that held the soothing call-
Of the crowd behind it. Which brought suspense.
Then the wall faded, & I met with the audience

*steps onto the stage & points mic at the crowd*
Wick-ed!.. Wick-ed!.. Wick-ed!.. Wick-ed!..

As my adrenalin pumps, I begin with a grunt
Sending the front, into a frenzy. The thumps-
Of the kicks take hold, and I start to spit shit
And get lost in the intense bliss that this sent-
Through my mind as I rhyme with a sick lisp,
Taking shots at fellow MCs, on my shit list..
Already hype & loud, but it ignites the crowd.
The righteous howl when the DJ stops the beat.
“1 song down, 12 to go, niggas. I like the heat!”
That comment made the audience just flip,
As the next beat drops, I can see that I love this.
After fives songs, my shirt drips persperation
So I remove it, to the many women’s ovation-
No waiting, I throw it in the crowd & keep goin’.
I keep flowing with this simple, but deep notion
That peeps know when you give everything..
Then the crowd blurs out and this scary ring-
Linger in my ear, but I keep spitting the track..
But then I get dizzy, and my vision is black

*The crowd is gone, and no sound exist, except Wicked’s voice*

Still seeing black, but, now, hearing no beat,
As the horrible realization grows deep...
My sight comes in & I’m back at the hall wall,
Rapping, but no longer hearing them all call.
Still dizzy, but to rap, I’m a slave, bruh,
Then my mic slowly turns into a wave brush.
Not gassed now, and my rap voice is past shouts
I’m dripping wet, & naked before I passed out.
I lye shaking on the floor, and the day streams.
Opiate; the hour of heaven in a daydream
http://img73.photobucket.com/albums/...zzzzzzzzzz.png

Writer’s Note: I used to rap intoa wave brush when I was younger and imagine having a crowd. Most of the time, in a mirror when noone was home. It was my way to leave the fucked up life we lead, and for that 30 minuted to an hour, I would be in heaven. I’d often be dehydrated and completely exhausted before the end, but I loved it. Most of the times it would even upset me when I was done and back to reality. :-/ Just figured I’d write something about it. I don’t know how much I like it yet, but I hope you enjoy.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post1680915
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post1680927

-W1

This was a nice piece man...I really liked this...Nice ending, i liked that....I liked the entire piece, once i started reading it made me want to keep reading to find out the ending, nice;)...Nice use of multies, love those haha...But overall it was a real nice piece man, Theres nothing bad i can really say about it!

alot of multi's here... I liked this piece, the imagery was excellent and I liked the perspective. I think you may have sacrificed some parts for more multi's, which can be a downfall, but I think this piece stands well enough to pull it off. The explanation after made me re-read it, and like it even more. good shit

pz

yo i like this piece!! gd imagery used!!! when i read tha 1st line i wanted 2 carry on lyk so nice peice man!!

i like, dope shit liek the useage of words hardly any negative things all bout gettin htpe like th energy nor less the vocab you got your eevry now and then words for smart people out there like me
stay up

Dope Wicked I was feeling the wording of your lines. You did a nice job explaning yourself nice work.

opening was sick and the rest off the piece maintained the tempo pretty much - flow was nice as usual - description was good - told the story almost perfectly - I could picture everything happening in easily understood chronological order - dope closer as well - top ten material...

Incredibly dope use of multies in the beggining, the imagery was bannanas and the fact you were able to draw a true life experience as vivid as this in rhyme was great. Flow was good but i felt it was a bit stymied and you could have drawn out the lines more but overall a very dope drop, good imagery, good storytelling, multies out the ass the only shit i felt was off was the flow, 1luv.

Yeah definitely, a very imagery piece.
Nice flow and structure.

can say no more but when I read
this piece I could imagine it actually happning.


Nicley done

this was dope Wicked, the flow was superb and the content was good as well, imagery was above average also .. the twist in the end i wasn't suspecting but just made it better and gave the piece more meaning .. good read. pz.

hit this up man, my newest piece.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=145367

Wicked leave some Feed on Silent Screams.

Another nice peice from you

The thing I noticed the most about this is the images it put into my head about the crowd and the dj and shit. Probably because I used to feel the same when I rapped. I felt in a whole new world for however long I rapped for. I would concentrate on the beat and the words, nothing else mattered. So yeah I relate to this.

Dope piece....

Good piece.

First things first as mentioned before, sick fuckin' flow, especially the first verse. The multi-syllablic flow was very consistent and followed a specific tempo the entire verse.
The other two verses adopted the tempo and rhyme scheme for the most part, and made this smooth as butter. Transitions were crafted well too.
I found the first verse had better vocab usage than the other two verses, and had a more grim imagery that made me prepare for a dark journey. It wasn't a dark journey though, and I was fooled by the connotation of your words. I didn't really like the topic at all, and the whole on stage theme is played out a little. I know I have done it before.
Vocab could have been more well placed, I think. Hmm, good way to start and good way to finish it, but the topical as a whole just wasn't that good for me. Sometimes it's difficult to explain this, the OM just didn't satisfy what I expected. Along with the first verse as the only section of having any metaphors.
Good Open Mic, nothing extraordinary. By 'prepetration', I think you mean 'perspiration'.
Please hit up, "Lucky Seven's" in my sig. Thank you and Peace.

I like the structure, and the ending.
The piece was good over all, good vocab,good rhyming.

Favors returned.

-W1

really good flow to it, its creative...and most importantly as you stated in your 2nd post ITS REAL. I really enjoyed reading it, very good work man. BIG UPS

Thanx.

-W1