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Entering the Unknown
August 10, 1892
Dear Journal, see the date above.. tonight I'm kinda scared
A bad feeling lingers within & the last battle to survive- we bared
Just a hostile area, while these red skins are absolute ferocious
"So this land can be ours?" it's theirs, and at this time they host us
They know us & our tendencies.. and damn, their courage tremendous
Not nervous they ride with arrows & spears - we got guns to defend us
We kill them all & rape their wives - I put myself in their situation...
& I kinda see why they cut out scalps raw & hate us worse then Satan
If I were indian I would too, and for this I cannot lie...
But this is my duty, a new & better America is what I stand by
It's just sitting in this valley, looking at this hill on the country-side
Tomorrow we ride above it & severely wipe out the rest of this tribe...
August 12, 1892
Holy shit!, yesterday my preminision turned out somewhat right
The most tragic, dispicable shit.. shaking so much I can't write
We tried to warn him there was something eary of their tactics
He said "Ha- Entering the Unknown?? com'n they have hatchets!"
Usually they attack us, as we mow their souls down with bullets
But not this time, leaving their empty village- & they fooled us
We lost 3,000 soldiers cause of greed, Custard wanted to be a man
His worst enemy attacked on all sides, Im'a call this Custard's last stand
He wanted fortune & fame, but this fuck just went & ruined it
The indians carried no remorse as they chopped & stabbed through it
I only lived cause I fell to the ground - death & me pretended
The indians rode off, Entering the Unknown brought the last chapter, end it
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Linked:
Ace- death of memories
kwest- whats the difference?
others...
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well man.... seems like the sleeping aint just on my drops.... lol
i liked the approach you took on this, the way you used the 2 dates, and the first verse sorta forcasted the outcome of the second.... maybe a bit stretched in places, but other than that quite a smooth read,,, transitions were there... all in all..... quite a good drop.... could maybe have dome with some more imagery to built the picture up
hit mine when you have a minute..... thnx
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damn nice piece man. i can't say that the way you put this together is common so that alone lets it stand out which is of course always a good thing. the meaning of it was another part that separated this for most. i never expected something of this matter on this site. great intellect man. the flow was to the point and the structure was flawless. i enjoyed the way you dove into a mind of complexity and somehow mangaged to produce your own version of someone elses life, great job Cam, one of your several hot pieces. keep at it.
peACE
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up...
thanks for the feed
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I liked keep on doin ya thing
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Pretty good, good style switch between first and second parts...vocab could be uped, emotion was good, but I think, especially ina piece like this, that imagry could have been upped a ton....keep at it man..hit me up for a another collab soon...the last one we did was dope pz..hit sumthin in my sig
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yea, def collab again soon... i'll hit you up..
uppn
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Was pretty good bro.. I liked it, keep up the good work.
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not bad atall...loved the aproach
came alil streched at times but
this was cooman...nice om
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good shit i felt you robbed us in the second part tho should have been a sum focus on the battle, one shit we know is that he lived cuz he fell, and how can indians with just hatchet kill a whole military company with rifles and sabers only bad shit about decent shit otherwise
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lol.. yeah, indians can kill an entire regime... because this is a true story, they just had a ton more indians and attacked on all sides.. never heard of General Custard? what's schools teaching you these days..
couldn't sum focus on the battle because 1.) its a "journal" so hes writing basic ideas.. and 2.) i had a 20line limit for the topical battle..
just pointing those out :), thanks for the feedback though.
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