Back In The Day

I was over it, until some brother happened to say~
'throw your hands up if you remember back in the day'~
cats all around me jumped and smiled, palms to clouds~
As the mic controller begins his cadence it calms the crowd~
I feel a tinge of pain as thoughts lay on my mind heavily~
the whole audience feels heavenly but i get down at the memory~
of my living hell unleashed when the brother happened to say~
'throw your hands up if you remember back in the day~
i have scattered thoughts that travel in a circle~
from the cold nights no food and teenage mutant ninja turtles~
I pictured sitting in my living room my mom playing Teddy P~
and my brother yelling at her as he played the Rock Steady C~
i remember that month when a box of cheerios was 3 meals a day~
and when the box was low mom would frown and say no meals today~
the sky was grey often my friends would start a game shootin skelly~
when my brother died in front of us and sparked torrential pain in my belly~
these thoughts come to me when the brother happened to say~
'throw your hands up if you remember back in the day'~
my hand slowly began to rise and i dont know why it happened~
i saw flashbacks of me with a gun to my head blastin 'Time 4 sum akshun'~
finger relaxed on the trigger my mind was torn and i knew it~
cried to myself and asked a higher power for the strength to do it~
i lost faith that night desired to ring out that shot~
earlier that day i saw the end result of my mother fucking with crack rocks~
and thats not what i wanted when that brother happened to say~
throw my hands up so i kept mine down and turned my back on the day~

Replied to Kidnapped

Wow... this was a very nice piece. I always enjoy reading your pieces, but this one I read a few times over to get the full effect. First off, the imagery was nice. I could see everything like flashing before my eyes as I read it. Second, the flow was nice, I dont think it fell off at all. The emotion was great, I could feel how it seemed he felt. The vocabulary was nice as well. Overall this was a good piece, and I think the imagery was what made it suck me in right away. Nice job.

:) thanks sweetie for the reply, elevation is key, 1luv.

Man. Deja Vu. I remember back in the rb days after every post you would say "elevationisthekey1" haha. Good times....anyway......

Very nice poem, emotion was there, but that to me wasn't what this poem was about. Seemed like to me it was expressing the reason of remenising on good times in your life, when everything was so great, that you can remember every little detail years later. Good piece, flow was well put together, and the word choicing was good.

Elevation: Always try to up the vocab to get a higher thinking of the poem itself. Good job.

^lol good old days on RB, thanks for the compliments AND criticism, elevation is key, 1luv.

good shit man...real solemn and calm...i just would not stop readin....from start to finish this is a masterpiece....fa real...and thats not normal for me to say duke...ask any ol cat here that know me...u gotta talent man

cats all around me jumped and smiled, palms to clouds~
As the mic controller begins his cadence it calms the crowd~
..

pure sick shit...its just as though you can feel the scene and be there...

nice....is all i can say man...fuck the rest of the reply


igido

^appreciative of the positivity man, its flattering that your holding me down strong, thanks a lot to all who gave feedback once again, you know elevation is key, 1luv.

Once again upping this piece, elevation is key, 1luv.

Last up, hoping for some more feed, 1luv.

Really nice read here, rolled off the tongue well and made me think of all those simialr circumstances I had been through in life. I feel the same way that peice is directed, most love that old school back in the day feeling, well I for one hate it, for the reasons yo have described in this drop. I care not to sit and reminece of old times, because honestly, I care not to remember those day's and the tragic happenings of old. Very good drop, keep them coming.

Bounce

^glad to see you share the sentiment, im relieved to see that you can relate that type of upbringing we are now awarded two cool tokens :) elevation is key, 1luv.

Pretty good poem.

I liked the transition from happy emotion to more regretting emotion. I don't think this was up to your potential, I've read better from you. However, this is a creative piece. You remembered the good times and the bad times but in the poem, the bad times out-weighed the good ones. It's depressing that when some people try to remember their childhood, that it's the worst part of their life. I feel what your words say. I've written a poem like this called Photo Album. It's somewhat like this poem in the sense of remembering the old days but then just painful memories is what you remember. I think this could flow well on audio. The meter didn't seem on point, I couldn't really follow the lines well but it was well enough that it didn't bother me. I liked the ending of your poem very much. When you read the first couple of lines, you don't expect that to be the end. Almost ironic, very well done. Overall, this poem was good in all aspects. One thing wasn't really better than the other. Well rounded.

This was pretty good man....could of used a bit more imagry...but you emotion carried this piece fine....I liked the story and the repetition of the line "'throw your hands up if you remember back in the day'" that was a nice touch...keep writin man....props

please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140444

^Thank you sharp and lyric for your comments and criticism, appreciate your feedback and Lyric, i enjoyed reading the link you dropped, elevation is key, 1luv.

Dang, I really liked this piece a lot.
Something about the way it just read so easily and also the repetition of the first line in slightly different ways throughout the piece really struck me. I loved it. Great imagery, and great ending. The ending is crucial and you nailed it. Nice work, I felt it.

^thanks ma, i really appreciate it coming from you, glad to have your opinion, elevation is key, 1luv.

i definately enjoyed this piece..your flow was water....truly...just flowing smoothly....and your content was greta, your creativity was above average..your syntax was superb, your diction was nice, beautiful assonance..and i can't remember the name of the literary device where you use repetitive soft sounds..but you used it well...beautiful poem

9.7/10

very good piece im feeling you on this and you must be around my age cuz ninja turtles was my shit too.basically i went through the same shit.i liked your concept on this cuz its something alot of people can relate to good drop :thumbup:

Thank you Sublime, im incredibly flattered by your generosity, and @ Shakes im glad that you enjoyed the read and that you were able to relate, thank you all for your feedback, i believe elevation is key, 1luv.