Im Gettin This Published What Yall Think

WHAT HAPPENED

I get a girl and lose her its like a curse
Day after day it gets worse and worse
The day it was supposed to end was never
This girl and I were supposed to last forever
I've lost her now and i think i'm going insane
I wish there was someone to take away the pain
I didn't realize that it would hurt this much
It's over, and we don't even keep in touch
I wish she would come back into my life
we can have two kids, and she'll become my wife

Months have passed and your still not here
After all i've said it must not be clear
I wish I knew what it was that I did wrong
you know deep inside...... we still belong
Our time together was not filled with laughter
I wish it ended with happily ever after
Instead of me doing nothing but recapping
I just wanted to know what really happened

thats some good stuuf, good flow, good structure, nothing forced but they weren't any internals or multis and the vocabe was very basic. But it had alot of meaning in it and was very good anyways.

yo do me a favor and rate my shit, http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133890

eh this was pretty genaric
could have put so more emotion into it
didn't really give a strong sence of much
just didn't move me

Ok piece for a simple poem I guess. Nothing mind boggling or anything. It was just a plain topic and was written the same. Try expanding your vocab more. It seemed sorta elementary in ways. Use some imagery also, it catches your readers attention and makes them feel emotion. Ohh by the way - The American Poet Society wants to publish a poem of mine in a book called Reflections. The piece is called Touching the Fire. It’s also nominated here for legends.

Hit this up when you get time also:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=133915

Thanks For The Feed Guys Can I Get Some More Please

can i get some more feed please and thanks.........

Wow! That was bomb! Im really impressed! Your really talented

2 links of feedback or this gets closed Stubby.

^Word. And you might as well leave the feed here:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134835
:)

Anyway. This was on the love topic. Many people do it so the creativity was nothing great. The flow of it was smooth though. I like the emotion in this piece. I just like more simple pieces, so this was a cool read. Short, simple and right to the point. Not great, but ok. Keep writing, homie. Hit my piece when you get a chance.

-W1

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134827

here is one

here is the second

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134835

Any More Feed Please..................................

more feed please jus leave links..................

pretty simplistic, the story element was decent, seen it before tho.... the execution, i would have elaborated on... you didnt really hit the emotion too good.... and is this supposed to be a poem or what??... if not i would sort out the transitions. evey bar had a different rhyme, with nothing linking them....

Okay, it didn't really have a lot of emotion for an emotive peice. Its also not descriptive, or very complicated in terms of rhyme scheme, structure, vocab. keep elevating though, it wasn't bad.

thanks you guys i will feeed on yalls feed, and put it in my next battle against Kandy, check it out if yall get the chance