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Address To The Nation
News Desk
Here tonight we have an Address to The Nation by our President...
This was not called for...but from our News Manager we have consent...
We are sorry for the interruption of the show you were watching...
But now we go to the White House with our reporter Joe Goshking...
Spokes Person
Welcome to this conference…Mr. President is arriving…
I myself do not know the cause in which this is driving…
My curious mind is desiring why we have gathered…
Well…everyone stand…the President is here…please don’t scatter…
Claps as the President walks in…
President
Thankyou very much…you may all take a seat…
Hello my fellow Americans I have come to make a speech...
Pause…sounds of paper unfolding…
I would like to start off by saying we are a great nation…
We have grown since our birth…and have endured bad relations…
The creation of this country and the downfalls of our system…
Has brought us all here today to finally accept our mission…
We are in a position where this planet needs our help…
Apparently NASA has found an asteroid array from its belt…
Sighs come from the press…
I myself have knelt and prayed for a different way…
But I am sorry to say that Earth has become its prey…
There has been movies about it…this is the real deal…
If we cannot stop it by tomorrow…then tonight’s our last meal…
Families at home start to weep at dinner and watch the Address…
Hopefully this world will prevail…[Pause] nukes are being sent…
Hoping to put a dent in this natural missle of cement…
Our fate awaits in these bombs to detonate in space…
This asteroid’s the size of the moon…double the weight…
The largest and greatest threat to Earth we’ve ever faced…
If it hits our planet…its impact and damage will devastate…
I have lent a hand to destroy it…now its your time to help…
Please stay calm for now and permit your nerves to melt…
I have told you what I know…now I must see my family…
God bless every soul on Earth…please don’t start a calamity…
President walks out in tears…people within the press start to cry…people at their homes call their family and eat slowly…
yah, i wanted to write somthing that you could picture watchin on tv, so i decided to write this
peace
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nice shit yo
the emotion was good
and a good way to write
a worst-acare scenario
the rhyme scheme was kept through-out
easy to read
it was a nice and to say "suspensful" at the beginning
really good in my eyes
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thankyou very much
leave links
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Hmmm I liked this piece mainly for the imagination. Good take on the whole
thing yet your flow coulda been better. Thats what sets the tone for me.
Yet your originality did carry thru here. Some nice word usage.
I didn't understand some names etc being english but following
the story was a nice read. Some of the switch overs could've been
worked better though with a totally different style of writing.
E.g.
When the intro' switched to news reporter their coulda been
a amazing take on the use of SE etc. Making the news reporter
really formal. Naw mean?
Anyways nice piece. Keep writing.
Make sure ya hit this up-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post1414515
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thankyou, what do you mean by SE, im askin so i can become better, ill hit yours up
peace
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Nice shit man.....
You had a really good idea here.
I think it would sound pretty dope on a track.
The only thing i can really tell you to do is:
Think about it a little more and expand it.
Overall I liked it. It kept my attention
If you dont care check out my OM I think its really good
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=129474
Thanks
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thankyou, yah i want to make more verses, mayb ill have 1 or 2 more parts to it ya know, one more speech saying if we hit it, and mayb one more if we missed it explaining the aftermath
peace
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ok, This that nigga Caso i'm feelin the whole originality shyt dog, the lyrics wus straight.
jus use sum multis and metaphors ( m&m's)
but, i kinda understand that thas a hard ass topic 2
so keep up the good work dog, feel me, 1
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Wow, I liked it. Simple yet strong. Right to the point I was very surprised to the fact that I liked it. great job on this man.
Everything seemed to be right on, length, structure, rhyme scheme, flow, vocabulary, almost everything was good. On this piece I really see nothing that was bad, everything was good. Well, in the presence of everything being good, nothing really stood out, no emotion, nothing to really give it that extra something to make it better than just good. Don't get me wrong, I liked it, i just think that if you took everything and added a bit more to it, that it could've been great. This is quite the strange piece, I know something is missing but not entirely sure what. Length was a size that it would be easy to read, but I think that if you would have made it longer, that it would have brought forth more emotion. Well, thats about all I can think of, props and heres that link I know you want to reply to sooo bad.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...42#post1415142
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like i said i was thinking about writng different parts to it, but thankyou definately for the feedback, its very much appreciated
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this was dope man. real creative. i was feelin' this for sure. i loved your transitions between speakers. what was also cool is that i can imagine the president and what not really say those things, except without the rhyme scheme. lol. but still, not only was it quite realistic but it was interesting as heck man. i actually enjoyed reading this. thats one of the fine points of this. it made me want to hear the way you ended it. well, you kinda left me hanging, so i suggest you write a sequel:thumbup:
stay dope man. keep droppin.
pz
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haha, yah im working on a sequal, thanx
uppin
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this was ill good imagery i saw pictures of the president in my head okay vocab it'd be very nice if ya did a sequel to this or sumthing like that the cliffhanger is nice a hell
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wo, didnt even realize you left feedback
thanx
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yeah.. got some good writin skills should of been longer though i mean the adress... but im sure just the whole format you wrote in must of tired people considering most dont like to read long drops... but it drew me to read... and when i finally got into it it ended... other than that you should make a conclusion....pt.2
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damn, i really should make a part two, thanx
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nice shit my man.. i think you showed me this before.. but just dropping some feed..
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