Topic - Illusions
Line Limit - Eh, whenever you stop writing.
Due - By Midnight Tomorrow.
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Topic - Illusions
Line Limit - Eh, whenever you stop writing.
Due - By Midnight Tomorrow.
what the fuck - the poll didn`t come up.. that`s fucked up.. it did last night.. mod - fix this please..
Check in - i`ll drop tomorrow.
check 1
....[dumb ass..lol]
Is an illusion a delusion if you’re in confusion?
And cruising down the road to a certain bruising
By always choosing the wrong path and losing
And its not amusing after a life time of mistakes
Enough for Ricki Lakes show, and the out takes
By not seeing the fakes, only more heart ache
That you create thru the poor judgment you make
So you partake in sleepless nights lying awake
With a quake in your voice from trying your luck
But fucked up again, another mirage turned to muck
Should’a learned how women’s minds conduct
That flirting and good looks only stand so tall
Tall enough to fall and hit your head on the wall
Cos after all their brain remains hard to comprehend
You think its love from above but they see a friend
Who they can depend, but it’s a blend of feeling
Hers plutonic, yours chronic under misbelieving
So you end up grieving, retrieving nothing back
Your heart cracked, cos you were on the wrong track
The light turns to black, its all an illusion you saw
With nothing intact, you hit rock bottom, the floor
Your décor turns to more empty bottles galore
Cursing, calling her a whore, but its your fault
So you Assault your body with drugs and single malt
In a vault of abuse, but its profuse, what did she do?
Fuck all! Jus within your head new emotions grew
Your inner David Blaine took over to confuse you!!!
*looks at watch*...
ok Formula....if it's ok with Dev you have until between 6-7pm Eastern Time tomorrow to get your shit done...hopefully before..i can already see this will be a good one...would suck for it to go to waste....
clean this thread ILLunatic...
Done deal. -ILLunatic
my bad man - i sent Dev a message last night.. i just couldn`t get into the topic last night, too tired - couldn`t even get an idea.. but I got one today during class.. so i`ll have it up by 7.. pz.
ok - ignore spelling mistakes.
A young man - barely any hair on his chest
Tried his hardest to win - but finished at best
He`s a writer, a rapper, a new age MC
But the first, he`s white, and is compared to Em See
On cold nights, he`s fire, hot times, he`s froze
Which is every stage appearance since the first thats arrose
Ever since he was exposed - his life was case closed
He`s tried Spanish Rapping but owes many a peso
People told him to let go - he kept on striving
Success in his eyes and no signs of retiring
Admiring the greats, prespiring while fate
Carves a place in front of his face and now it`s a wait
Will he ever make it ? And break into the business
Been told many times that he`ll never make a living
But he keeps giving - one hundred percent
And keeps buying studio time `til he`s down to lint
His pockets for rent, he`s getting real stressed
He clutches his chest..
... While his self-esteem dips to depressed
"Give it a rest" - his mother says, she puts him in
One of those groups where you talk about your problems..
... and what you wanna do in this world you`re in
He stands up - introduces himself to strangers
And tells them of the times he`s had vomit-inducing anger
Then, little boy, got bold, came to his life`s conclusion
"Yes - My Name Is Dev..."
"... And... And.. I Should`ve Known..."
"... That Me Winning Was Just Always Just An Illusion.."
"... I`m ready to go home!"
It`s funny - David Blaine was his favorite magician
And it`s the tricks he`d seen..
That would lead young Dev to this decision
He tore all the posters of rap artists off the wall
Threw his mic away - was done w/ it all
He thought he could make it...
... And in his mind he was the greatest
But that was a mirage...
... And now he`s off to try a new occupation
ok you spent enough time with this.. now lets get some votes here
c'mon
Well.....This was kinda a close battle...But Dev takes it I think....
Dev:Nice verse....I liked your first line...real nice wordplay, your flow was decent and your structure was a little better, I thought you stuck to the topic much more, the direction you took it was a little more interesting in my opinion, closer coulda been a bit better...I get it but, I dont know...wasn't really feelin it...But overall I think a better verse...For the topic that is....
Formula: Nice flow...I enjoyed the read...If this were anything but a topical...I might have swayed my vote to you, But I didnt enjoy the concept really, nice multi's...But then you kinda turned it into a battle afterwards and kinda lost me... Still a good verse..Good job by both...
V-Dev...Stayed on topic more and had the overall better verse In my opinion
thnx
........[3]
[4]
uppin this so dev doesn't have to waste all of his post and we can get this shit closed with a winner =)...... UppIN@!!!!!!!!
Can't vote but i would have to give it to formula stayed on topic....DEV rambled on about nonsense alot so yeah
]
g"luck to both
^You can't vote why? you have 180+ post
my final upp... [5]
ok
dev- your verse was nice and creative,you stayed on topic all the way through your piece,your structure was better than formula's,and you rymed good,with a few multi's
formula-you didn't really stay on topic on some parts...but most parts u did,u had couple good multi's also,and u had an allright structure,and you flowed ok on this subject...but dev came a lil better in most categories
v/DEV-
for a better piece,and structure,and flowed with topic better
~KT~
Dev's verse was pretty nice, he held a nice rhyme scheme with consistent internals rhymes and some nice multies... your verse was kinda abstract, couldn't pinpoint the real meaning, but you kept the topic well and your structure was excellent... the only thing I didn't really like was the flow, some of the lines felt weird to read cos they didn't fit sometimes.. but nonetheless, good drop and probs... nice vocab too :)
Formula, your verse was creative conceptually, but you didn't keep the topic that well.. You turned the Illusions topic into a diss and that was kinda weird... I enjoyed the approach, but it didn't really fit the topical that well, sounded more like a diss... your verse was technically good, with a fairly complex rhyme scheme and some funny/interesting points... you just should've focused on the topic at hand more rather than telling a story/diss about Dev... Your structure was nice though
vote = Dev
return the favour here plz... it's getting slept on
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123918
thanks :)
This was a good battle overall son, the decesion wasent easy
Formula- you had a good flow and a couple of hot punchlines, it was defitnitly decent son, however
Dev- I think your flow might have been a lil better and your structure might have put you over the top fam, good shit, good enought to get my vote. ~ScreamAtMeEarly~ :gfy:
V/Dev
This is the first topical i've ever voted on, so please pardon my ignorance.
Dev- Your flow contained many bits of internal rhyming, which gave it a unique tone. Your structure was soild, and it came off pretty nice. I think you approached the topic better and made it more original that Form did.
^ Maybe not your best bar, but that stood out in my head for some reason.Quote:
And its not amusing after a life time of mistakes
Enough for Ricki Lakes show, and the out takes
FormulaSquared- lol, you probably shouldn't start anything with 'ignore the spelling mistakes'.... take 2 minutes and spellcheck it. Anyway, I gotta say that I didn't like the way you chose to do the topic. (I'm just being straight with you here, no disrespect). I also didn't like when you started insulting Dev near the end. To me battle raps and topicals do not mix with one another.
Vote- Flow & Structure were very even between the both of you. I give Dev the vote though, cause I enjoyed his approach more.
dev-hott flow, nice structure and wordplay, you was on point babe
formula- hmmm. i kinda got bored with this....but everything was good, you had all the concepts, like multi's flow structure...
v- dev for a better topic consistancy and it was more interesting