ILLunatic v.s WrightMak17 *topical*

10-30 lines
Normal Rules
Due: May 2nd, 11:59 pm *eastern*

WrightMak17's topic
"Look into your eyes"

ILLunatic's topic
"The best of me"

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You see when you look in someones eyes, it tells a lot about that person
What kinda person they are, what they feelin inside, what pain they dispersin
They say the eyes are the window to a persons soul
Its amazing to see all the things that they can show

I see a nigga on the corner, tryin to sell me some drugs
He tell me he cool, I look in his eyes and can tell he a thug
Prolly wanna cop some crack, shoot me, take it back from me and run
I feel paranoid, wish I wouldn’t have to walk around with a loaded gun

The eyes are a guide in your life, in more ways than one
They show you where you goin, and tell you a lot about someone
From the domestic life at home to the hard life on the streets
To the life of love and romance, and the life of droppin beats

I talk to my moms, and when I see her eyes I see love and concern
I feel wanted someplace, a place to belong, her trust that I’ve earned
My pops in prison, posession of narcotics, doin at least 5 years
My mom has the pain in her eyes over the loss of her childs father

My 12 year old couzin, I can tell he young and very naïve
Aint seen the pain of the world, the losses we have to grieve
In a way its good, to know he don’t know what life is like
That he don’t have to deal with the shit we put up wit in life

I’m tryin to make me a decent livin, something that’s legal
But if find myself on the streets, havin to shoot and rob people
don’t wanna end up like my pops, but I have to get by
Everyday in my life is a struggle, im just tryin to survive

So I wonder if somebody looks at me and knows what I go through..
If they can look in my eyes, and know all the extents that I go to
So can I really tell who you are, just by lookin into your eyes?
Can I tell what life someone is leadin? I’ll let you decide

Illunatic came up wit my topic, so it wasnt pre writ or nuttin

The Best of Me

I lived my life as a lonley man, looking for someone to connect with
I was doomed to be lonley, I was under that impression'd myth
I would never find my true love, and it started to break my heart
Every night, laying in bed alone. Just ripped my heart apart
Literatlly, I would cry myself to sleep. Asking the lord why?
Why is my life so horrible? How do you expect me to get by?
Even though I was expecting an answer, I repeatedly asked
Until I drifted off to sleep, and drempt myself completing my life long task
And then, as I awoke. I felt better than I ever have before
And I felt, my problem.. I would never have to worry about anymore
As I walked to the store, I seen the queen of beauty
And I had spoken to start conversation, like it was my duty
Its like she knew me, she happily responded back
And for once, my heart was happy, instead of under attack
And then I asked, if she would like to join me to a lovely dinner
Yet I was a little shy on asking, because to this I was a beginner
My inner thoughts, made me over come my fear
As she said "I'd love too" I could suddenly see my life so clear
I walked back home, happliy as can be. I prepared myself
Because I knew, our love would not form itself
Later that night, I knocked at her door. Not knowing what to expect
As she answered in a red dress...Ohh.. boy did she look perfect
As I handed her flowers, I asked if she was ready to eat
She said "yes, but I need to touch myself up, take a seat"
As I said, "you look beautiful - anymore and you'll be an angel
For me to eat, while sitting across from you..I dont think i'll be able"
"You know what, meeting you is the biggest highlight of my day"
She giggled, I said "also there is something else I would like to say"
As I said "when I first met you, I knew it was meant to be by destiny,
But what I didn't know, was you would become The Best of Me"

Uppin#1 for votes

Wright-eh...vocab wasnt good and imagery
was not very good either...first two verses
had imagery n then it was gone the rest of
the way through...approach was not original either
not very good here...work on imagery and
originality along with your vocab

Ill-story take was good like the way its approached
imagery was there through out and vocab was also
in line all the way down to the wire...good job myman

My V/Illunatic

two different topics...weird

but illunatic definetely got this one..he had better imagery and better vocab..
topic was better in his side and the flow was really good...topical id your thing...your good with topical

wright did pretty good...stick to topical cuz your better in that then batling...good verse..didnt have good vocab though..and flow was kinda choppy...work on some things but overall the verse was good.....good work of imagery in the verse

both get better but ijn this oine,....

v/illunatic

2-0 Uppin

Upping

Uppin, and the two different topics thing was because Ill suggested "look into your eyes" but then went with "the best of me", but i kinda wanted to work with look into your eyes.

Ill, after this battle if u up to it we can do another topical, with the SAME topic

This was decent....

Mak17 you came kinda boring.... same old story, crack dealers, pops in jail, ect. more of a documentaery type style than a story really...

Ill came with a lot of emotion, very exposed, open piece.... gave the story more of a visual quality that Mak17 lacked.

Vote - Illunatic



yo both yall return the favor

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=126645

I Dont Have Enough Post 2 Vote.... I have 2 Aggree With Spit^


Vote. Ill

Uppin

^^stop wasting peoples time then... come back when you can vote...

vote/ILL... why?

wright.. i didnt like your intro... mentioned 'person' 3 times.. i know it was only an intro, but still... also i thought your imagery was lacking, didnt built the picture as you could have.... also your vocab was pretty limited... too much simple rhyming in there... it wasnt all bad... some spots were ok.. jus lacked consistancy thru it...
ILL... this wasnt your best by quite a bit.... but it was still decent... your vocab was somewhat simplistic aswell, but you built the scene better, with the imagery..... and it seemed to progress better.... so you get my vote.....

Final up...

Yeah, like i said im up for another topical

this was my first, so i didnt really know how i should present it. i needed the criticism

Uppin, get this over with

Uppin again, vote please........

Wrightmak17- Did okay but i didnt really like it. Your wordplay and your imagery was bad i thought so need to elevate with that. Your rhymes wern't really good with the tropical i thought so really i see this is prolly your first tropical so you need to elevate on tropicals...but you stayed on topic so thats good...

Illunatic- I liked it thougth you did good with your imagery and wordplay, and also vocab. You stayed on topic...It really was good kinda told a lot bout your self and stuff but you get my vote for being more with the imagery stuff and the vocab and wordplay...

vote- Illunatic