20-30 lines
post verse in 2 hours...
hrmmm....Topic....Inner demons/Secrets..
this is my first one so take it easy on me...
that all ok with you??
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20-30 lines
post verse in 2 hours...
hrmmm....Topic....Inner demons/Secrets..
this is my first one so take it easy on me...
that all ok with you??
sure thing - checking in - I have a vague premonition that you are someone's alias - g/l
No....Im not....but thanx....good luck to you..
checkin in....
Topic: Inner Demons/Secrets
I shake my head from side to side to exercise my mind
your releasin your demons but no ones exorcising mine
mine stay inside, pry, and swallow peices of my pride
Till eventually the ethnic and moral sides of me die
Its like Im stuck in a whirlwind too confused to decide
Now "wrong" and "right" to me are merely casted aside
gettin eaten alive but its nice to have friends with me
I consistently get involved in some sort of delinquency
Im tingling and preparing for a struggle like no other
wish the dark side of my mind could somehow be smothered
My demons distort and consort to destroy with eachother
Never letting me be at peace till I'm gone and deceased
everyday my chances to reach victory quickly decrease
Like dark entities these demons consume my very identity
conscience is what this evil prescence pretends to be.....
Inside I literally harbor a viscious chamber of secrets
A mere danger to keep it but catastrophic to release it
struggle with my demons? Or tear nice lives to peices
Some people say I care too much but I have my reasons
Its happened before ruined lives with a slip of the lips
and never talked to people Ive really offended or pissed
like a gender switch guys got to gossip like they bitches
but Ive lost friends and the consequences that come with it
seen the error in my ways and now I start to come around
I keep things that could make most people just breakdown
I know past secrets revealed.....Is my only mistake now.....
..Take it easy on me SMZ.....
Its my first one..... :banghead:
^nice drop
Secrets - those whispery threads which weave our lives
creating demons which fester and never leave our insides
perceive through our eyes opportunities to cause havoc
circle deliberately towards our back then rise and stab it
this schematic is automatic although we often fool selves
do well briefly while we delve in lies composed so neatly
then a friend chosen indiscreetly who knows us so keenly
will expose our trust as unseemly and show us the meaning
of leaning on crutches which merely touches on the topic
transferred by fiber optic - infused with my own thread
whispering to your head and blistering bowels as you read
.......
Words flow by but understanding continually eludes the public
Not sure why - but an illustration for both the youth and twit
.......
Laughter flavors the air as old friends chat on pleasantly
Mere expressions are needed to remind of past revelry
Samuel, Susan, Scott and Shirley - the closest of friends
Had a double wedding and sealed their hands with gems
But Sam fucks Shirley while Scott takes “business trips”
and Susan goes on shopping sprees and tells Samuel fibs
Astonishingly enough Sam and Shirley never get caught
Scott becomes a workaholic so he can pay for his yacht
Susan wins a sweepstakes so the checkbook yet balances
Their secrets stay secrets whether avarice or dalliances
But guilty consciences mean they can’t sleep when old
They all die of an unseen cancer - a tumor on their soul
may the voting begin...
shit.....nice verse....
good job...
Uppin..................
Post an honest vote...
leave a link and I'll return the favor...
peace....
Uppin....
post a vote..leave a link...
Ill hit up your battles..
damn this was a good battle....
tactixx-your shit was good....you had good insite and i very highly doubt that this was your first topical battle and if it really is good work...you had me feelin like i was right there in your verse...you had good vocab and a great flow...your first part was killer and nothing bad to say about this at all
SMZ-your verse was also good...gret insite on the subject and your vocab was there...this was a very close battle and i wasnt really sure how to break it down and chose what one was better...
i came to the conclusion that neither of them are better they are both equal but different so i had to break the tie with the one that i was feelin the most...and that was tactixx's verse
vote/tactixx
return the favor with honest votes please...u dun gotta hit all of them up but if you hit up alteast 1 or 2 of them up it would be much appriciated...
[url]http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111538[/url
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123011
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=122986
>>>topical<<<<http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116185
verry good battle here nothing bad to say about either verse....you should hit me up sometime and topical me
up 1
Uppin...
Dont sleep on this....
Post an honest vote
I'll return the favor
Uppin this again......#4
come on ppl vote.....
Ill return the favor....
Holy shit.....still no votes...
Last Uppin.........
vote vote vote.....
Leave a link Ill return the favor....
Peace...
up 2
up 3
Good job to both of you......
Tactixx- Good drop for your first time...your concept was good but you didnt stay on topic as much.....your flow was good and so was the consistancy.....Structure was good and the verse flowed well throughout....good job...vocab was good...good job but you didnt stay on topic throughout
SMZ- good verse also...flow was good and so was the structure....your concept to the topic was good and it flowed well........vocab was good and you stayed on topic more than tactixx...i liked your verse better than his
v/SMZ
up 4 - lazy bastards - let's get some votes...
up 5 - vote you cunt wearing, perfumed ass, jackanapes
Smz- Good verse you stayed on topic. Punches were okay but i thought Tact had better ones. Flow i was feelin one did okay on dat. Wordplay was nice. Your Personals werne't that good to be aon da topic..but you did good...
Tactixx- Good verse i kinda liked your more then his. Punches i thought were better then his. You stayed on topic. Flow was nice and plus you had some nice wordplay wit it so you get my vote gfor better verse and better punches
vote- Tactixx
i will poll my vote once you hit my battle...i promise
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=123892
umm - I'm not trying to sway - but what are you talking about, "punches and personals", this is a topical battle. It has nothing to do with punches and personals - quite frankly the fact that you mention anyone having punches raises doubts in my mind as to whether you read it...
Heh, I know I saw it too....
Nice work here guys.....a good read on both parts...i thought Tactixx's
verse was especially impressive being that it was his first topical...
if he's telling the truth...good structure and flow from both...still
though i'd have to say that SMZ took this....to me his verse felt more
in depth...where as Tac seemed to only manage to scratch the surface....
I also thought the SMZ was more creative in the direction he took
the topic...first looking at it in an abstract sense, then kinnda telling a
story...Tac's approach just seemed a little played....imagery didn't
seem to be a big part of either verse, though again SMZ came a better
in this aspect........Tactixx....work on going more in depth with your
ideas...instead of say something outright, try to show it through
more in depth description...this helps the reader to visualize it better..
still though nice verse just keep writing and you'll improve...
v/ SMZ
nice, nice, nice, hmmm, nice, i think that it was basically a tie between SMZ an Tactixx, but i think that i like tactixx's style and flow a bit better, he had a nice way of ending it, both stayed on the topic, SMZ had a nice vocab, so all in all i'd have to say tactixx
Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. - Axiom
Tactixx -
Not bad for your first time.
You need to work on flow, it fell off quite a few times.
You need to learn how to stay on topic more than you do.
You tend to wonder, abit.
Also, you have a nasty rhyme scheme in my eyes.
Very irregular, and I dont think it works.
You need to up the vocabulary used in your pieces if you are to become successful.
Not bad though.
SMZ -
As ever, your vocabulary is very high.
I think its because you use it in normal conversation that your pieces have a high level.
You stayed on topic more than Tactixx, which is a plus.
You both need to work on transitions.
You both need to make them smoother.
For an overall consistent verse..
..
..
v/ SMZ.
SMZ- Good verse, You stayed on topic. Your vocab was good too. But this is a tough pick tho. But you came hard i thought. But you had good insite to your topic you vocab. So good job. I realized you have been doin topicals for awhile. But good battle. But iam have to go wit tactixx i liked his more, but you prolly disagree.
Tactixx- Yours was good. You stayed on topic and had good insite. I am surpised this was your first topical. Cuz it sounded like you you've been doin dem for a while. Your vocab was good also a very decent good flow. But this is tough chioce but iam have to go wit tactixx by a hair
Vote- Tactixx
i will poll my vote once you hit mine up(honest vote)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=124561
^ How is it you've lived this long? I would have expected someone like you to have died in a freak toothbrush swallowing accident or something. You already voted. "Tactixx had better punches and personals". LMAO. Look up about six posts. Whatever, though. I'm not complaining about that, a votes a vote. Just couldn't restrain myself from responding after reading your blissfully unaware nonsense.
Let's get some more votes in this. I return favors to people who actually read the battle. Tactixx is dope. This is a close one.
Damn this shit was tight here's my breakdown
SMZ
But Sam fucks Shirley while Scott takes “business trips”
and Susan goes on shopping sprees and tells Samuel fibs
Astonishingly enough Sam and Shirley never get caught
Scott becomes a workaholic so he can pay for his yacht
Susan wins a sweepstakes so the checkbook yet balances
Their secrets stay secrets whether avarice or dalliances
But guilty consciences mean they can’t sleep when old
They all die of an unseen cancer - a tumor on their soul
Okay that ish was original lota points for that
and it was interestin kept me wonderin
Tactixx
Its like Im stuck in a whirlwind too confused to decide
Now "wrong" and "right" to me are merely casted aside
gettin eaten alive but its nice to have friends with me
I consistently get involved in some sort of delinquency
Im tingling and preparing for a struggle like no other
wish the dark side of my mind could somehow be smothered
My demons distort and consort to destroy with eachother
Never letting me be at peace till I'm gone and deceased
everyday my chances to reach victory quickly decrease
Like dark entities these demons consume my very identity
conscience is what this evil prescence pretends to be.....
Yo this is what I liked most bout ya ish,it was tight
coulda been reworded,but overall to be new ya ish was tight
Overall Ima say Smz b/c of tha closer and wordplay
no hate props to both of yall cats
V/Smz
Right..
..
.. I voted above.
Return the favour, please.
When you can vote in Elevated.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=122104
Do it when you can, or i'll bug you on AIM until you do.
Thanks.
Both were on topic ... but i felt that SMZ was a bit more on topic.. he stuck to it just a bit better... Flow was all pretty matched.. imagery goes to SMZ, you could just virtualize his a bit more. multies were not really used in either pieces at all... so i'm not gonna say anyone got that category. Emotion was a bit on SMZ's side as well.. Tactixx showed some, but his wasn't as complex as SMZ's was.. therefore, i'd say SMZ got this battle.... It was pretty one sided if you ask me. Tactixx was right behind SMZ on just about every category, but he didn't have enough to take any.... V/SMZ