14 lines....
due by tomorrow night...
topic: You can never forget a face
good luck man...
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14 lines....
due by tomorrow night...
topic: You can never forget a face
good luck man...
Check...g'luck
[/i]You Can Never Forget A Face[/i]
It was dark but the silouette was unforgetably prominent
A shadow lurking towards me demanding me for my wallet
A rough featured chin, with patches of hair not clean shaven
Bloodshot eyes, with a snarl on his lips, he was rantin and ravin
Dimples deep in his cheeks remeniscent of coarse, rigid craters
With two scars under his left eye, imitating tortured traitors
Brandishing a hunting knife, he muttered orders in a raspy voice
His eyes stared straght into mine tellin me I had no other choice
Hands shaking and sweating, I reached in my back pocket for money
He must of takin it as a threat cause he leapt forward, put steel on me
Blade became one with my adams apple, as my skin absobed the edge
I felt hot and flushed, then cold as I slipped deep into unconscienceness
Blurerd images eventually faded out, as he slowly let my limp body fall
I will never forget that horrid face, because it was the last image I saw
You Can Never Forget A Face
It was dark but the silouette was unforgetably prominent
A shadow lurking towards me demanding me for my wallet
A rough featured chin, with patches of hair not clean shaven
Bloodshot eyes, with a snarl on his lips, he was rantin and ravin
Dimples deep in his cheeks remeniscent of coarse, rigid craters
With two scars under his left eye, imitating tortured traitors
Brandishing a hunting knife, he muttered orders in a raspy voice
His eyes stared straght into mine tellin me I had no other choice
Hands shaking and sweating, I reached in my back pocket for money
He must of takin it as a threat cause he leapt forward, put steel on me
Blade became one with my adams apple, as my skin absobed the edge
I felt hot and flushed, then cold as I slipped deep into unconscienceness
Blurerd images eventually faded out, as he slowly let my limp body fall
I will never forget that horrid face, because it was the last image I saw
You could say that silence is golden,being that words are often misconstrued
when painfully conveyed the wrong way emotions tend to end up confused
cuz far more powerful than spoken language,is the power of perception
for the confession of true feelings lies in ones facial expressions
a canvas for thought assesment, impressions are left in an instant
moods are fleshed out through gestures such as an eyebrow's ascension
Not to mention that with a simple smile, demeanor can be suggested
a clue to their current attitude exuded frowns require no questions
infinite variations subdue words, spontaneously impeding them
Assesment's immediate succeeding tears bleeding, from optical mediums
speech is not needed when...just a glimpse provides more than answers
for an accurate portrait of one's soul could never b rendered through banter
this is why u could say a thousand words...an 1 look would take its place
cuz' while speech is lost forever.. I could never forget a face
.
u could say that silence is golden being that words r often misconstrued
when painfully conveyed the wrong way emotions tend to end up confused
cuz far more powerful than spoken language .. is the power of perception
for the confession of true feelings lies in ones facial expressions
a canvas for thought assesment, impressions are left in an instant ...
moods are fleshed out through gestures such as an eyebrow's ascension
Not to mention that with a simple smile, demeanor can be suggested...
a clue to their current attitude exuded frowns require no questions
infinite variations subdue words, spontaneously impeding them..
Assesment's immediate succeeding tears bleeding, from optical mediums
speech is not needed when ... just a glimpse provides more than answers
for an accurate portrait of one's soul could never b rendered through banter
this is why u could say a thousand words.. an 1 look would take its place
cuz' while speech is lost forever.. I could never forget a face
uppin............................................. ..................................................
up..come one and hit this please
damm wtf?....................vote...................... ....................up #2
up2......
this is pathetic not one vote.............................................. .................
.................................................. ..........................to the top #3.......
okay
okay verses from both of you....i enjoyed them both....i was feelin rhetoric's shit until the end of it i kina didnt understand the shit at the end and you flow was alil off along with the structure i didnt like very much.....work on that you should be good....sidewinder i enjoyed your verse..i was feelin your flow...not choppy at all.....your structure was on all the way...and your shit was good all around....not a bad battle but im gonna have to give this to sidewinnder
v/sidewinder
thought both had decent verses... but one stood out to me with alot better immagery, really building a picture of the topic and this is sidewinder, he had good flow, but i felt both stretched out the lines a bit.... the scheme both used was quite simplistic, but in topicals, its more about the content, so dont matter.... but like i said vote/sidewinder........ props to both.... ~one~.. keep elevating
decent work both - Flow - I thought Rhetorics was on a little bit more here - they both flowed pretty well - but I thought I saw some transitions included by him so this goes to Rhetoric
Concept - Once again both did this pretty well also - Rhetoric built steadily towards a point and Sidewinder told a story - this is pretty close - the imagery in the story was done well - I could see the scene taking place - the argument progressed smoothly - didn't feel like you forced any rhymes - I'm going to call this area a tie.
Overall - v/ Rhetoric for slightly better flow and pretty even concept
up3
uppin number 4....please vote honestly on this
up # 4................................................. .............................................
Last uppin
up................................................ ..................................................
[u][b]Sidewinder
It was dark but the silouette was unforgetably prominent
A shadow lurking towards me demanding me for my wallet
This was nice imagery was good nice opener
A rough featured chin, with patches of hair not clean shaven
Bloodshot eyes, with a snarl on his lips, he was rantin and ravin
Nice description of the suspect, this was good
Dimples deep in his cheeks remeniscent of coarse, rigid craters
With two scars under his left eye, imitating tortured traitors
Nice line imagery was nice, and metaphor was nice
Brandishing a hunting knife, he muttered orders in a raspy voice
His eyes stared straght into mine tellin me I had no other choice
The transaction was sick here
Hands shaking and sweating, I reached in my back pocket for money
He must of takin it as a threat cause he leapt forward, put steel on me
This was also a nice line
Blade became one with my adams apple, as my skin absobed the edge
I felt hot and flushed, then cold as I slipped deep into unconscienceness
This was tight
Blurerd images eventually faded out, as he slowly let my limp body fall
I will never forget that horrid face, because it was the last image I saw
The closure was tight to
Comment
All you need now are some multies, an it'll be better, but your transactions here were good, you got straight to the point with the topic and your flow was good too
Rhetoric
u could say that silence is golden being that words r often misconstrued
when painfully conveyed the wrong way emotions tend to end up confused
This was deep, nice
cuz far more powerful than spoken language .. is the power of perception
for the confession of true feelings lies in ones facial expressions
Nice shit
a canvas for thought assesment, impressions are left in an instant ...
moods are fleshed out through gestures such as an eyebrow's ascension
It kinda followed the thought of the previous bar
Not to mention that with a simple smile, demeanor can be suggested...
a clue to their current attitude exuded frowns require no questions
Nice shit
infinite variations subdue words, spontaneously impeding them..
Assesment's immediate succeeding tears bleeding, from optical mediums
This was straight try not focusing on vocab too much, cause the vocab in these bars there off you message
speech is not needed when ... just a glimpse provides more than answers
for an accurate portrait of one's soul could never b rendered through banter
This was straght
this is why u could say a thousand words.. an 1 look would take its place
cuz' while speech is lost forever.. I could never forget a face
Tight closure
Comments
Your vocab was good but in some bars you added to much meaning you place it there just to place it there, or you think you need it cause people have told you , that you need it, and try not using words you dont understand yourself, your imagery was good message was nice
Due to better overall verse
Vote = Sidewinder[/i][/size]
rhetoric took this one, his verse contained more vivd immagery.
Nice flow, the vocb was good, an the piece was quite an interesting from your angle.
sidewinder, a good piece, but the immagery was lacking more than rhtorics, flow was decnt, you just lacked the descriptive writing aspect. but you have potential to get better.
Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. - Axiom
v-side......ovious reasons here
doper vocab by far and he
took a good side on the topic
wich made you feel his verse
more than toric.........also
toric droped a to basic verse
with hardly any wordplay vocab
etc.i also perferd sides structure..
....not bad shit from both tho.
Sidewinder- You had a well organized verse...the flow stayed on throughtout the whole verse and it never fell off.....good imagery and good vocab...really strong....stayed on topic..i liked the and the most..good job
Rhetoric- I thought you also had a good verse.........the flow was good but it did fall off at some times during the verse... also used good imagery and vocab...but i felt that the verse itself was a bit weaker than side's.........the beginning was my favorite from you....keep it up
v/sidewinder
upping this
wow...good battle...difficult decision...
both verses had excellent content...sidewinder chose to relate s pecific story abotu a face...rhetoric addressed the topic as a whole...both were very solid with content....can't pick one that's better...
sidewinder had a better flow and structure...so he edges rhetoric...equal content...but, rhetoric had a few stretched lines, and thas about it...very goo d job to both...
vote - sidewinder..
wow...good battle...difficult decision...
both verses had excellent content...sidewinder chose to relate s pecific story abotu a face...rhetoric addressed the topic as a whole...both were very solid with content....can't pick one that's better...
sidewinder had a better flow and structure...so he edges rhetoric...equal content...but, rhetoric had a few stretched lines, and thas about it...very goo d job to both...
vote - sidewinder..