16-20 lines
normal rules..
time limit..30 mins
Blind drop so get writing
Printable View
16-20 lines
normal rules..
time limit..30 mins
Blind drop so get writing
Looks like I'm the first to drop sonny Jim..
Well good luck & I've read some of ur
Stuff & it should be a good topical duel..
_____________________________________
[u]Craving in Sickness[u]
From the lost diary’s of a manic depressive,
Found on the mental ward of Park House
Mental Hospital…
May 29th…
These padded walls around me keep me locked in
Like the contents of a packed tin, no room to move within
Victim dark sin, so when I die give this to my next of kin
So when my souls at its resting place, they can know my sins
………..
The burning sensation rises up through my stomach
To my throat where it eases its way & then erupts
Out, like a sea of vomit, the ground stained in my waste
Craving a recipe to stop destruction, given to me in haste
I grip the bottle with my weakened hands, Can’t understand
Why this liquid I drink to cheer me up, then wreck all my plans
Brain Content like a Baron Land, all Empty & unforgiving
Scared of evidential death, but too terrified of living
In my current situation, My alcohol sets my soul free
Blurs my vision so I can’t see the leper inside of me
Evil grows strong in the next few hours, I’m falling down
Once the King of my destiny,now another man wears my crown
U see, the story has a deeper moral; never let another man in Ur home
Cos friends & loved ones will hurt You, Leave U all alone
& as the sun sets & the sky grows to an vacant Black
I look for a medicine, What I crave in my sickness…
Can’t get my family back…..
Craving in Sickness
Yeah I crave for drugs, it’s my disease and sick ness
It’s already affected my life, I wish I could kick this…
Habit of mine, substitute my thirst with red wine
If only I spent more time, to live that would be divine
This hunger cannot be satisfied it consumes my will
I’ve lost control of my mind, I have really become ill
This addiction cannot be controlled or contained
It infested my soul, like a parasite as I’ve explained
I start to hallucinate and see a future that’s bright
After I see what I’ve become, it’s not a pretty sight
This High feels great, while my intoxication lasts
Soon the depression sets in, and reminds me of my pasts…
Indiscretions against the people that I loved the most
They tried to help me with those interventions my mother had host
But the craving could not be stopped like a solar eclipse
This life of mine had shadowed me out in ignorant bliss
When I look back on my pathetic life, I always realise this
If only I didn’t take that shot, then I wouldn’t of O.D, know I miss…
All my friends my family and all my prised possessions
Like my art, my poems and also my guitar lessons
UPPIN please if u read this vote and leave a link to a battle.open mic or watever and i will return the favour.thanx peace
I think Kwiziks took this
His was just way deeper wiht more emotion
yah funk had more multis but its a batle verse its topical so you gotta tell a story i was really feeling kwiziks imagery, i really like his closer had lots of feeling and closure
funk your wasnt bad but kwiziks was superior, i like your bar that started with indeiscretions about the people you hurt. that was a well worded
v/kwiziks
Pla return the favor
I mean to say its not a battle verse*
erm....ok....thanx.
Uppin for my 1st time...
Peace & good luck
kwizik used a good range of vocab his structure was good and his flow was standard
and he expressed the emotions of the storie very well
fuksta ur verse was nice but it should have been more emotional ur structure was ok and ur flow was ok but i felt kwiziks verse more as it was more complex and emotional
vote kwiziks
return the fava, vote honestly
UPPIN ......omg people u have to vote on who had more attributes u cant just have one really good point but all the others shit it has to be who's was better overall e.g flow,structure,imagery,multies,internals,metaphors to say i had better flow,structure,multies,internals,metaphors but he had better imagery so ur gonna give him the vote, is ludacris people, vote on who's was better in more ways than 1...peace kiwikz its just mine was better overall u did have better imagery but my flow,structure,multies,internals,metaphors were better.
yeah, just remembered, they're not multi's are they???Quote:
Originally Posted by Kwizikz
Fucking hell...yes they are!!!!!!Whooo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck..if they say mine was a better verse, its they're
opinion.
uppin 3rd
UPPIN base a good vote! on who had the best overall not just one thing lol peace kiwizikz.
Well my vote goes to kwizikz.....Funksta:Your verse was pretty good....It flowed nicely and had a nice structure and was consistent,by that I mean you stayed on topic and kept a relatively smooth flow, It was kinda emotional at points...It just wasn't as well put together as kwizikz's...Good job...keep at it...
Kwizikz:You had better Imagery and more of a storyline to your verse, Creative, making your verse a journal entry...It did have more multi's than funksta's but a couple of lines were a little stretched, otherwise good flow, and it was structured well...your vocab was nice and made the imagery stand out....nice job....
V-Kwizikz.....
Return the favor...
check my sig...
UPPP see wat i mean ^^^^^^^
uppin 4th
Final upp...drop a vote & a
link & I'll return a vote..
UPP this battle is bullshit kiwikz didnt do that good at all did kiwikz no.....peace