without me ..

.. i'm at the edge of existance mending resistance
ending each sentence with a endless conviction
of my empty religion, i speak common brainwash
that i claim will make every ounce of pain stop
but my deranged thoughts have me feelin' guilt
from standing in heaven on money, like silver stilts ..


i'm almost too real to feel, i'm the monster you created
but i'm seldom hated, because you and i are too related
if money makes the world go round in a endless tragedy
then i can hold you down without making sense of gravity
a restless vanity, i awake reasoning in almost every cell
to flip visions of vertices, and make heaven and hell parallel
i am the epic, the relentless skeptic the essence your left with
gripping your thoughts with my left wrist causing several headtrips
i am elegance, i am God, but you haven't even heard of me
yet you do worship me with a constant sense of emergency
i cause adversity, i'm sick, i'm the fucking stairway to heaven
my rails are bent in, i'm a constant in thought of remembrance
you love me, you hate me, but fuck me, i don't want to be emotion
don't spend me anymore, just roll me up to sniff your coke with
i will always be hopeless, i'm not the point of livin, i'm not religion
i'm simply sickness, i'm nothing but paper, not a profound being
please live your life and achieve your goals without worrying about me ..

peace out ..

- $

this link shit is gay as hell, fuck whoever made this rule
and fuck whoever is too lazy to reply to shit so that they
had to make this sorry ass rule..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118118
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118123

Very Complex,Yet very easy to follow and read.This is what you call talent.Your wordplay was superb.Your scheme and structure was near perfect.You have very nice Vocab.I would love to sit down and play a game of scrabble with you.
This was an Excellent piece of work.

word up, what site are you from?

--[Flow]---
You had some really nice internals goin' on here....liked your structure and the way you added some complexity to your rhymes (not 3 letter rhymes)...shows your ability...The bars were a resonable length, they fitted together well and i saw no realy flaw anywhere,

--[Vocab]--
Always liked this about you...you have a ability to execute some dope vocab and add alot of depth to the piece but at the same time, make it easy to read and follow...you had alot of memorable lines..ie.:
"but my deranged thoughts have me feelin' guilt
from standing in heaven on money, like silver stilts .."

"i am elegance, i am God, but you haven't even heard of me
yet you do worship me with a constant sense of emergency"

--[Concept]--
This is another thing that you seem to inevitably excel in...you kept me interested all the way thru, you seem to be able to grasp our attention and really produce some real and gritty imagry, which was showed here...liked the whole sorta..."don't bother about me" thing goin...nice.

--[Overall]--
No real flaws, was a typical sand piece, although i've seen you do alot better..lol...3.8/5...good to se your back (are you back or are you just stoppin' by..lol)..anyway, hope to see alot more of this on OM...enjoy reading them..

---------
If you got any time...: Thought Provoking ... cheers :thumbup:

bounce.

First 6 lines were INCREDIBLE!

Rest of the verse was above average.


Therefore, this was good.

^ I agree fully
Tha first 6 lines were awesome imagery
Great flow..then it was just good
This was a good read..keep it man

dope piece mon amie
your pieces always have depth and relevanc eabout them which is why i like reading them
really feeling this whole piece
you seem to have improved your flow was well
class piece
kept it to the right length too..not too long not to short
made me glad to have read it
props

fin

Very nice...i enjoyed it

nice drop man....

i awake reasoning in almost every cell
to flip visions of vertices, and make heaven and hell parallel
i am the epic, the relentless skeptic the essence your left with
gripping your thoughts with my left wrist causing several headtrips

nice internals and multis throughuot..... teh beginning was the most significant but towards da end it sounded irrelevent to any thing u had said above....
still worth da read
dope keep droppin

the end wasn't irrelevant asshole ^

Lol..

opening lines were good

.. i'm at the edge of existance mending resistance
ending each sentence with a endless conviction
of my empty religion, i speak common brainwash
that i claim will make every ounce of pain stop
but my deranged thoughts have me feelin' guilt
from standing in heaven on money, like silver stilts ..


Rest was coo, pretty aight drop


Reply to mine:)

lol, that was a real cool reply.

I thought this was Eminem remix :(

But yea, this was a good drop.. i liked your writers voice here.. very nice concept =) like fgee stated, good relevance, & indepth in ur writtin, .. flowed nicely.. very good drop.. i liked the second stanza the most, .. but it fitted well together .. =)

Sand is Fuc*ing Dope! He's stuff should not be slept on!!!
<-Has nothing more to say.

*Write your verse for the crew collab* *If you haven't done it yet :p*

Ill. The opener was really nice. This flowed well. I like the use of multis. This was an enjoyable read.

"if money makes the world go round in a endless tragedy
then i can hold you down without making sense of gravity"

^I love that part. This whole drop was nice. Keep up the good work.

i will keep it up, thanks for replying cunts.

Trucking dope, you ass. If you were semi - active, you`d own this site - as would Kelsey & various crewmates. It was a rather new conviction you seemed to write with, pushing the poetic aspects aside for a few moments, I trust? A lot of times, with the way you wrote, a piece'll sound a bit multi - saturated, but you pulled it off with ease. Two impactful lines:

Quote:

---

if money makes the world go round in a endless tragedy
then i can hold you down without making sense of gravity

---

I chuckled.

Quote:

---

a restless vanity, i awake reasoning in almost every cell
to flip visions of vertices, and make heaven and hell parallel

---

Even though the flow was sketchy, 'twas dope.

Excellent, brethren. Peace
Qual.

i'm active now, and get on aim .. i'm attempting to get my s mod spot back, so if i do, i will be very active, and very owning. pz

it sure seemed like an eminem remix. lol. was a lot like his style. but.. was a good piece. i dont like OMs much but this was pretty good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
not much i can quote though. i didnt like ur first 6 like everyone else did. it got better in the middle of the verse.