-
Reinvent The Wheel
Reinvent The Wheel
My very heart is lit, until staring into the dark abyss
Starts to hit my heart with bricks, cause art is fixed.
Or at least parts of it, and it is bound not to change
With plots to stain every canvas with blots of pain..
The same-exact blots of pain, which nots my brain
Because things used to be original; used to be new
It used to be true that everyone spews the free juice
Of creativity; it used to be proof of our progression..
Now I just see our regression to sub-par perfection
Of meaningless repetition of what came before us
We; carbon copies of our idles, so fans will adore us
Never mind that it bores us to constantly pore stuff
That has been done, in attempt to get our repore up...
It...The Fixation on idealism has made rap too scary
It is what makes Freeman say “work on vocabulary!”
It’s what makes people say “you need more wordplay”
It makes’em only see rhymes; not what the words say
It’s why everyone writes the same and nothing’s new
It’s why everything you write is them and nothing’s you...
Well I refuse to fit into someone’s vision, cause I want to write a line this long without someone bitching...
I want to not care about structure, and be the violent rupture that causes change...
The huge rupture that causes brains to pause the frame
And be able to recognize that we are not all the same
So fuck your vocab, rhyme scheme and tired concepts
Fuck your small, centered font and lines out of context
Fuck your legends forum & your disrespect to non-vets
Realize, anarchy and individuality is what my Intent is
......This is 100 percent truth from my pen as I spit this
And I know...
You think your wheel is perfect, but watch me reinvent it
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post1232644
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117555
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...58#post1232658
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post1232667
-
-
I like - you came through very strong. Flow was on point - saw a good number of multi's. Vocab was good. Concept was obviously from the heart. I disagree with some of your points but you presented them well. Very nice work - hit my Lamentations if you get a chance.
-
This was nice... flow'd quite nicely in ma head, I felt this whole piece, tha vocab came nicely in many places in this spit... tha structure was real hott too, you didn't fall off once... 8/10
up'n
-
Liked the flow, love to read these pieces, you're all a great help to let me figure out what this all about...hope i'll learn quick and be able to write things like this coz i really liked thise one!
-
yeah, like was said, this pretty much excelled. I like the concept, and the ideas you incorperated were great. Structure was well combined and it flowed quite easily..
-
-
I've replied to ten threads :(
Can I please get some feedback?...
Thank you :)
-
Nice flow. Vocab was there, and i liked the topic. Something i think everyone could relate to. Real Nice. Keep spittin.
~holla if ya hear me
-
Nice spit it had some strong meta4s and mutis homie i enjoyed it
-
-
liked this piece alot.......
words used were grrreat, vocab was spot on. Flow...erm, goood..
Not much to say really, nice piece
-
Nice piece.
Not amazing but it did show potential to be. Your multis
showed good balance here w/ not an over use or under
use. The subject came quite strong altho your imagery cudda
been better. But it wasn't over lacking but detail
was just short. Your vocab' was also good. Word usage was
picked very well to express ya thoughts.
I was impressed by ya flow here. Ver adequate and rolled
nicely.
Props all around.
-
Cool piece man ..
.. the topic ive seen approached before, but you put your own mark on it with this. It was actually a decent read, the flow and multi's / internals etc came off nice with this - and without ruining your content. Reminded me of my old style very much in SS months ago .. you've got a lot of potential here if all of your stuffs at this standard - my main advice would be - DITCH THAT EVEN BAR STYLE. Seriously, thats advice given to me a while ago and it is SO true - all the even bars does for you is makes the piece LOOK nicely presented, the drawback is - it can take away from your content because you sacrifice the piece's depth for how the piece looks. And id rather you wrote something dope with varying bar lengths than something decent with even bar lengths, if you get what i mean? Just write it how it comes naturally, dont care for even lines in your pieces and you will be a fairly good writer given time. You've a lot of potential there man.
Use it. :^)
-
-
LOL this was great!
I was really expecting something more about society rather than about advice on rb. It was golden, made me laugh a bit too.
Your flow is decent, though it was off in a couple places, surprisingly not where you put the really long line in order to prove a point LoL. You have decent vocab and you do this cool repetition thing in certain lines that helps to elaborate on the content from the previous line.
I don't have that much advice for you, just to develope your own style through unique wording and flipping topics and stuff. You did a pretty good job with that on this piece.
Good one, dude.
-
Freeman & Archival = The newbies here that have impressed me most topically this month. Go join the RSTL. :^)
-
^Isn't that the league at rm? If so, no thanks. I beat IV a few months ago in an rstl tourny, but he cheated, and I could do nothing cause he was the mod :( . Anyway, thanks for the props Maven and Baron.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118083
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...19#post1238219
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118129
-
Been waiting for someone to make a piece about this. Sort of reminded me of Eleete's "Not Good Enough to Be A Dope MC". Very good flow in this, structure was lined perfectly, and you didnt babble about some random topic throughout. Good job with the concept, some nice multies in there too. Nice vocab too.
Return the favour and hit up one of mine, Thanks.
-
Nice enough flow..
But like Baron said..
Do not sacrifice your content for the mere fact of making it look pretty..
You want it to sound pretty more than anything..
Vocabulary, Flow and Multi's were quite nice..
Nice drop..
Potential coming through..
Pz..
-
"I want to not care about structure, and be the violent rupture that causes change...
The huge rupture that causes brains to pause the frame
And be able to recognize that we are not all the same" ... thats so classic.. uggg....
.....and now I'm speaking for the feeble . you can't intoxicate my people .
snakes in skins of people . spiting venom designed in being lethal .
only the blind sees what's livid . spoken word contrast the livid .
and I hear it it like the resurrection . Revival of conception . editorial correction .
I'm perceiving their deception . and others are even asking questions! .
forget the box . the paradox . the matrix is basic . 3rd eyes need lasik .
been so long . that the true can savor and taste it . and Archive it in the basement .
I see the flash in ya light . the paralysis in sight . the vindictive plight . the people ant living right.
but that's what gift to gab is for . sweat it out ya pores . cause the truth got more in store . from unknown placement I'm waiting for more.... so what YOU waiting for?
-
this is tight u came strong and ended strong
-
yeah.....this piece was interesting...i feel like i shouldnt critique it though just because the piece kinda would make me look like ajerk or something....
anyways....seems like a good piece...couple things about the rhyme scheme i didnt get into but honestly the ending was cool.....nice work man...i enjoyed
-
-
Nice piece man...
Good multies and stuff
Good topic..overall good read
-
like maven, i expected this to go in a totally different direction. you flipped the topic well and i like how you approached it. structure was nice, though as baron said they dont always have to match perfectly to look nice. content is the key. it flowed well due to good use of internal rhyming. was a great read. you have much potential. looking forward to your next drop.
-
very wise words^ from cam
im sick of kids saying tidy up your bar structure...FUCK OFF
i'll write how i want
anyway..
i really liked this piece
showed some imagination and originality
agreed on what ur saying...one of the lines made me chuckle..about the centred text or w/e
good read...flow was appropriate..and incorporated some multies
nice
fin
