Corrupted Visions Featuring Credz

CORRUPTED VISIONS Featuring Credz
Written By: ELEETE & Credz

[Credz]
My Vision became Corrupted, now things are seen unclearly…
But they are merely making me weary as they just steer me…
The future seems eerie…from all the images that flash inside…
A normal man would dash and hide, but I just catch the find…
Loving what these thoughts brought me, so much destruction…
Of the construction we built as it slowly makes it’s reduction…
Of the production, soon leaving everything in a pile of rubble…
Im just beginning to smile and stumble…while it crumbles…
Making miles of trouble, I cant help but laugh at all of this….
Seeing everything fall, every wall, I guess you can call it bliss…
Everything burns to a crisp, smoke rises as the sky darkens…
Dogs barkin as the devil comes forth as a new day is startin…
Life slowly is departin…as people try to escape and bust free…
I stop and think is this for real all the pain I see or is it just me?…

[ELEETE]
I’ve got Corrupted Visions, in life im giving sight a third eye…
Engulf clouds into flames and let birds fly through a burned sky…
Its stimulating… my optics leave me with a hazier sight…
Cant tell wether light belongs in day, an darkness to night…
Bouncing to complex rhythms, through an audible sound…
All other noises are drowned, listen while the music surrounds…
Let it swallow you up and Corrupt your Vision and mind…
Leaving you blind, confused, an disoriented all at one time…
Then take these rhymes reverse an spitem backwards…
Attack words… slice em’ up like sumarai packed swords…
And snap chords, leaving every an any instrument broken…
Damagin brain cells causing internal cerebral erosion...
Exposin your membrane, while these rhymes are causin explosions...
These words spoken are serious….....Sike!! I was just jokin’…haha



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116768
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116783

Interesting -
Credz:
rhyme scheme was nice but the thoughts seemed disjointed -don't know if that was purposeful to reinforce the title. Full of internals and multi's but like I said they didn't really seem connected. Nice verse - made me feel like a kind of perverse wonder was present.

Eleete:
Flow was on point - saw some internals but didn't notice any multi's. So your verse seemed more unified - the first 3/4 harmonized with Credz nicely but that last bit while humorous kinda broke the mood.

Good vocab level both - there was no transition - but Eleete's verse picked up the theme from Credz so smoothly I don't think one was really needed. Nice work both of you. Credz if you haven't hit my Lamentations please do so if you get a chance -thnx.

Nice issssh here. .

Credz. . you hit the topic well, had great mutli's to increase the flow's fluidness, liked that. . I didn't think your thoughts were disjointed. . everything had a place and it all came together. . the big thing though, as mentioned, was multi's. . you've always had a nack for verses full of multi's and this was some of the best i've seen from you.

Eleete. . damn man, you had a good verse until the last 4 lines. . . you just completely ruined the topic and overall piece with your E.Z. beef. . keep that shit out of quality pieces in the future. . Flow was on-point though. . and there was multi's, almost the whole verse, which definately helped the flow. . Nice job besides the last 4 lines, tisk tisk, LoL.

Best Lines :

Of the production, soon leaving everything in a pile of rubble…
Im just beginning to smile and stumble…while it crumbles…
Making miles of trouble, I cant help but laugh at all of this….
Seeing everything fall, every wall, I guess you can call it bliss…
^ ^ Nice. .

Bouncing to complex rhythms, through an audible sound…
All other noises are drowned, listen while the music surrounds…
^ ^ Best lines of the piece, nice job.

Overall, shit was nice on both parts. . hit up my new piece. . The Odds Are Stacked. . Appreciate it. . Pz.

dope...

credz...u came coo..but some parts had me bored..but overall coo...

eleete...tightness.....the sike line dope..opener dope...

you both kinda came together nicely..but i seen eleete's style slightly
different...which wsas coo....
overall though..the piece was kinda....balh....had me bored at points...
although my previous comments might contradict....thats the truth..

peep original compostion...

^^^Formula^^^ Yea that whole beef is getting out of hand........O well fuck it.......its dropped........Im done wit E.Z..........YOU HEAR THAT E.Z.? LoL anyway i edited out the lines, dropped some new ones, peep it........Thanks Peace!!

well i thought this was pretty good, for a couple or lame asss catz... lmao... nah it was prety good.... credz your scheme was better than most i read from you, nice..... eleete, you came good on this... better verse, i aint gonna bother with helping out.... jus work on it ya self......pz.....[noob going]...lmao...pz pz...ha ha...any one who says that wants banned....

but ya aint as good as me.. on spot...

Eleete-good shit, as always baby!...ha i dunno wut else to say...but i love your choice in words...
I can always excpect the best from you!

Both of you ill rhymers! LMAO, i thought it was gonna be a big up for Corrupted Visionz, but it wasn't, it was emotional, and vocab was great, flow was spot on. Love you both!

nice job kids. lol.

Credz- nice flow, most of it seemed flawless, the internal rhymes and multies gave off
a good tool for the read. there was a nice intake on vocab and emotion, even tho
a couple lines chased my attention away. dope piece with dope conviction. keep it up.

Eleete- ^word to that. lol. jus a little less multies and inner rhymes, along wit slightly
better vocab. you keep it up too. dope.

props to both.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116580
^hit that puppy up if you have the time

peace

Hmmm...This was okay :)
I can see that ya have took my perfect structure in to form... :)
I can see Eleete improving on hid OM skills...
Credz..<-Your verse was OKAy :)

Thanks, Upping :)

This was a good team effort.....You guys were pretty much on point the entire time...except Credz seemed to be on cruise-mode in the very begining...
"My Vision became Corrupted, now things are seen unclearly…But they are merely making me weary as they just steer me…The future seems eerie…from all the images that flash inside...A normal man would dash and hide, but I just catch the find"
.....but you picked it up a few notches as you progressed....especially when you said
"Of the production, soon leaving everything in a pile of rubble…
Im just beginning to smile and stumble…while it crumbles…
Making miles of trouble, I cant help but laugh at all of this….
Seeing everything fall, every wall, I guess you can call it bliss"
.....damn, that was cold right there......Eleete pretty much picked up credz's flow right from the start....Throughout you whole verse, you had an "up-and-down" verbal rythem with your lines....meaning, you would spit one okay line, then you would spit a a real nice line on the next...like
"And snap chords, leaving every an any instrument broken…Damagin brain cells causing internal cerebral erosion"
.....the only line i really didnt like was the very last one..but i guess some people would like it..its just not meant for everyone....but overall, you two really did come through....real good chemistry....

Thanks For The Feedback, Upping :)

I never really got to read your verse until it was done an i just wanted to say that you came strong on this one dawg. Dope. I liked the way you started off and picked it up as it went along. Your finisher was dope too...

Life slowly is departin…as people try to escape and bust free…
I stop and think is this for real all the pain I see or is it just me?…<--Nice

Your verse dope an I think we came with a pretty good collab on this. Good job Credz

^^Uppin!^^

Dope, anymore questions?

Creds:
The verse contained some decent imagery. I really likes the rhymescheme at the bigining of the verse. Overall it was a solid verse.

Eleete:
Your verse was pretty cool too. It was an easy read, like most of your word is.

Overall it was a solid collaboration. The topic was kind of loose, but it was all good. Nice drop fellas. Keep up the good work.

this was real hott, you both seemed to have co-operated and matched up ur lines to follow tha same pattern, which had tha same flow, tha same hott vocab that you came wit... real nice... 8.5/10...

dope this raw as hell joe keep it up

both of u had nice vocab the flow and structure was all good i give it a 8/10

Hey Thanks For The Feed, Upping :)

^^Uppin^^