Revange - How I changed

Revenge - How I Changed

I know God teaches us to forgive, I cant forget
thats something my mind just wont let..
I tried so hard, but this anger is my reflection
when i think of it my body has a violent reaction
and this section , of my thoughts is on a wait
Its not misunderstanding or sadness , its HATE...
seven summers ago trying to get home i was obstracted
four individuals- whom my possesions attracted...
every hit i received - from punches to the sticks
today caouse my brain to responde in anger fits...
Fine on the outside... but forever scared inside
I woke up 2 summers ago and desided to restore my pride...

The first kid had sattles down with a girlfriend
Saw him on the street when he connected with my hand
Every kick i gave - was opening doors in my brain
I kicked him on the ground in passion-
my anger was coming down on him like rain
As his girl nears - it just added to the feeling
her eyes now gave birth to tears- and I enjoyed what i was seeing

The second kid i found where he lived - by other means
he must have been heading to town with a nice shirt and jeans
Outside hes house - night smelling on blood...
after the bat hit him... hes face was covered in mud
And my soul fed on this.. like i was reborn
now like my good side has been burned and torned
this kid legs now layed there broken....
i took of my head mask ..I just laugh at him.. no word spoken...

Buy the time i found the third ... i didnt know how to stop
I was afread it wasnt enough to just see him drop...
he was at school... just reading a book... so easy
the thought of murder was controlling my thought- making me dizzy
i came from behind.. he didnt even let out a sound...
after i kicked him a few times... there was blood on the ground

Now as i search in wait for the last - my soul feels worse
its like i gave myself a life long curse...
I was pure, always got along with people.. now i hate
If i see this kid .. I already know hes fate..
becaouse revange drives a man ... to limits unknown
I am experiencing a lot more than whats been shown
Now as i continue to exists in my own changed beheviour
Its not the fourth kid.. it is I who needs seviour....

and 2 feedbacks :
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116138
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116083

uppin 4 feedback.......................................... and drop a link

all in all thought you did a decent job.... the first and last verse, im my view were the better... the others lacked a bit in sumthin, maybe vocab and stronger content, but thought ya scheme was carried well.... yeah... worth the read.... good length too..... keep at it Ek'

Quote:

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The second kid i found where he lived - by other means
he must have been heading to town with a nice shirt and jeans
Outside hes house - night smelling on blood...
after the bat hit him... hes face was covered in mud
And my soul fed on this.. like i was reborn
now like my good side has been burned and torned
this kid legs now layed there broken....
i took of my head mask ..I just laugh at him.. no word spoken...

---

You're a sick fuck.

Imagery of this piece was excellent. I loved how the story developed, but seriously, you've got one twisted mind thinking about all this, lol.

yeah, the imagery was the backbone of the piece as a whole, you had some ideas that scared me; they scared me because i know things like that can happen, and will probably affect everyone of us at some point in our lives, violence. It can't be eliminated, violence breeds of violence, its a never ending cycle, and revenge is what everyone desires, to those who got one up on them, or hurt them previously. This piece demonstrated some sick ideas, i hope to God that you didn't really do those things..

^ hahahah :) thanks for the feeback

* gives a crooked eye *

Yea this piece had very deep imagary, would you like to collab on a piece maybe soon?? But tha rhyme scheme was on point, had a good flow throught out it. Vocab was descent even tho i feel it's not necasary..Enjoyed this piece overall, nice drop, keep usin your head :)
~1~

Oh and hit me up for a collab sum day, shit maybe even today, i put pieces together when ever..

thanks for the feedback... uppin

Ur pms full lol, how about 12-16 line a piece, i'll be tha B u can be tha G..
~1~

uppin............................................. .......

uppin up again ... drop a link

LMAO.. Serial killer.. This was hilairious.. But I'm just messed up like that..

Nice story, I felt you coulda given some more background info on the whole deal but that's besides the point! Not really feeling the flow, but it does work adequately.. Imagery/storytelling were all above average.. It could've been better if you attached some kinda pre-event to instigate all this revenge.. I know he got jumped and all.. But still, I would've liked to read about the stuff they did in more detail.. That's what let you down.

Please don't kill me.. =)

pz.

nice drop ....
never seen shit like this, so... great job.
I loved how you could go into character and just don't give a fuck.
Revenge just pushes you to limits and I think you did a great job trying to put that into words.
Keep droppin

Yeah I agree this was a nice piece here....Nice imagery in this, I liked that...Structure in this was pretty good.....The flow in this was nice, it stayed on through out the entire piece I thought....Vocab was good....Overall a nice piece...keep at it.

holla for that collab!!!

collab??????????? holla at me...

Ok piece - I think it could use some work though. The intro and concluding verses are tight but the middle, which is supposed to be the meat of it, seems lacking. A little too simplistic I guess. You need to make me feel your rage, and fulfillment from letting it loose, a little more. The third kids verse is in need of particular attention - it just seems dead. Thought your closer was very nice. Good concept. Keep writing. Hit something in my sig if you can, preferably Lamentations.