I paint a picture of my life. .

BOOO I SUCK AT THIS :laugh:

id say this is the best ive read so far today... really nice concept and well executed.... along with a good scheme that set the flow going... and nice wordplay... liked the way you told it to.... not much a can fault on here.... tight little drop

good topic....u were consistant with it too.... good job...
metas were good, vocab was good....wordplay good......structure good...
a nice piecce here....not much to critique....good job of pianting a picture...
one of the bettter ive read so far....peace
keep at it

dope short piece
think its the first ive read of yours insp
very nicely done..
worked the metaphor of the canvas/painting imagery very well
expressive piece and im impressed with it..
for a short piece it packed a nice punch
the end was ill as well..
nice way to end the piece on a thoughtful note

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113145

^ ! )

Thank you..

I'll reply to yours when I get hom from school. .

pz

Dope multi's =) flowed good, & the concept was well worked out here..good vocab usage, a nice short sweet story ..

Uppppper.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz..^

Fuck u nikka,.. theres nothing more to say about it o.O

--[Flow]---
Flow was similar to some fo my older pieces...so it's dope..lol....ha, seriously..you had some dope internals in here and some dope rhymes, complex and deep...none of this "fun & gun" shit, you know...dopeness.

--[Vocab]--
Vocab felt a little bit restricted..like it was burtsing to get out, but just never got the chance...however, this bar was dope:
"Some might call me Picasso with a pen instead of a paintbrush. .
I paint a picture of my expericences as my tears rush. ."...flow was dope there as well....

--[Concept]--
Think this is where you really peservered...you built up a image of your life, described it originally and personally as a rush of colour...ther way you contrasted the colours with feeling and emotions i felt was ferocious...
"Stir in some jade laced with a touch of gray. .
To symbolize everyday spent in envy and decay. ." - you had a good few bars liek that, really helped me visualise it....

The way that you ended it, i felt that it was like a picture of insantity..erm...darkness and cold maybe...

--[Overall]--
Certainly one of the better pieces done by one of the better writers...4/5..vocab was the only lacking attribute, however the imagry outshined...dope.

if you got time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113884
-cheers.

Supposed to be a suicide type steeze.. Sadness, envy, decay - death.. Didn't write as much as I'd like to, cause fuckers on here can't read for more than 10 seconds.

I gotta walk to school in about 15 mins, so when I get home I'll peep your link.

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

this was pretty cool

rhyme scheme was a bit off but the imagry was defianitly there

it was hot, props, a most enjoyable read,

i like the way you mentioned alotta different colors and incorporated it into a story

if you get a chance peep this

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115387

^Will peep later..

Zzzzzzzzz

Peeped it.. Zzzzzzzzz..

Comprehensive feedback w/Links = Guaranteed reply.

alrighty! niceness, deep, kept on topic, as been said above somewhere, the way you implemented colors into this piece was great, havn't seen that before. Very creative. Your vocab was decent, but nothing really worth mentioning, metaphores shined throughout the piece (the whole color thing). But your scheme was kinda fucked. this part

Mix in some blue, for the sadness that envelops me. .
Perhaps some red mixed with black, to create a broken heart. .
Cause from the start I was never wanted in the first instance. .
But with persistance, I struggle to move and groove on. .

was very hard to keep the flow, you changed your structure up, which makes for a bad flow. But otherwise, good drop bro, keep it up.

Split.

hit up mine in my sig plz

^Replied.

To the top BABY!!!! Zzzzzzzz.

This was DOPE!!!!!

Inspire............U Inspired me....................................I want to be just like you when i grown up.

Check mine latest piece

As The World Turns.

^Shit fucking reply.

Therefore you will get one in return. =@

dope.

uppin.

nice man. VERY NICE. short but gets the point across really well and i was really feeling what you were spittin. Bad spots? nah i couldnt find any .. good vocab , structure was ok.. one of the best iv read .. props

^It's midnight and I shall reply to your Open mic when I wake up like 8 hours from now. .

that shit was tight origanlity in it all over nice flow and smooth shit

vote on this battle
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110752