The Sky...

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February 5th, 2004, 05:15 PM
Freeman

The Sky...

Day...

An inverted orb.. Concave mirror reflecting the paleness of the land
An ever changing mass of colour...
... It is something that is never bland
Ever swirling patterns.. Encrypted into the sky.. The cloud
Tatooed masses of vapour...
... Imprinted on the blue background
Colour so pure.. Smoothness erupts at you from every direction
Such a deep and meaningful blue...
... It is truly perfection

Sunset...

The Sun collides with the horizon.. Releasing a magnificent array of beams
Such a sight is unthinkable...
... Not even inside peoples dreams
Awe inspiring vision.. Such a glorious wonder of the world to behold
Amazing natural brilliance...
... Is something that never could be controlled
Something so wonderful.. A sight that could easily be a mirage of the mind
The horizon and the Sun become as one...
... Light and Dark start become intertwined

Night...

A mingled mass.. Shining array of pin-holes in the canvas of the sky
Beautifully crafted by a master worksman...
... It could bring a tear to your eye
Craning necks leer.. Dumb-struck faces all point upwards
Sharp beams of light pierce...
... And gleam like polished swords
Affection from the sky.. A message passed down through the night
No matter how glum the face...
... The Sky can fill it with delight
February 5th, 2004, 05:22 PM
Ron B. Vicious

Make the font bigger. Good drop.
February 5th, 2004, 05:22 PM
nolonger

sweet man this is another tite drop dogg keep em cumin...(he learnt fro the mster<)lmfa...........................
your flow was nice with a dope structure.....................
wordplay was nice with complexed words...kinda like poem material man,
my best verse was the night one this was dope with a nice closer keep it up free......

........................pz
February 5th, 2004, 05:24 PM
Penskills

This was very good..your imagery was fantastic..your flow was nice..and your unique structures makes it easy to follow and read..you have outdone your other OM's..which is amazing...keep up the good work...^^
February 5th, 2004, 05:25 PM
Born To Kill

Very dope little piece...

I'm so fucking funny...I called it a little piece...little font, little piece! Get it!!!

But this was good.

The first stanza was, in my opinion, more poetic...
The rhyme scheme was a bit off for rap.
But it was really nice.

The 2nd and last stanzas are definately more rap.
I saw ya rhyme scheme fall into place...

Good imagery, kinda felt the emotion lacked even though ya kinda touched on it.

I'd have liked to know why you liked the sky so much aside from it's outward beauty...

Did you share the sky with someone, is that where you pray to, looking upward?

Shit like that would have been some nice background info...

But all around, this was pretty flawless for what it was...

A short, deep piece about The Sky.

Peace
February 5th, 2004, 05:49 PM
TonyStubaH n H2o

....Very good drop....the flow was good....
February 5th, 2004, 06:03 PM
Mistral

I agree this was another nice drop by you man....I really liked this piece.....You had real nice imagery in this like your last piece i read but i think this one was better...the flow was nice in this i thought, stayed on pretty well in it....The content was real nice as well i thought, pretty nice.....I like reading your stuff...keep dropping man :)
February 5th, 2004, 07:55 PM
FormulaMC

Damn Freeman. . My Fault It Took So Long. . But I Don't Have Long To Reply. . Imagery Was Fantastic, On A Penskills Level, Heh. . Content Was Great. . I Like How You Portrayed Each Part Of The Day. . First Verse Was A Little More On The Poetic Side. . You Had Rap Come Out In The The Last 2. . Like B2K Said. . Flow Was Lost On The Poet Verse. . Last 2 Had The Flow And Was Picked Up Easily. . Keep Droppin' Shit Like This Man. . I'm Definately Feelin' It. . . Pz.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...49#post1159749
^ ^ Return The Favor. . Thanks.
February 6th, 2004, 02:03 AM
Dios de Hip Hop

nice drop
really small for me to read :)
but its all good
little more to the peotic side
of open mic.
but i liked the imagery, similies
metaphors and emotions
was a constant greatness.
February 6th, 2004, 05:55 AM
Endeva.

im gonna start with the obvious, the imagery, it was well expressed... and with the flow of it, it really came across well... and the level of wordplay didnt go overboard, as sometimes it does with alot of it combined with alot of imagery.... yeah good drop here.... one of your better ones ive read
February 6th, 2004, 06:30 AM
Freeman

iight...

Thanks for the comments...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gunman tha Great

Make the font bigger. Good drop.

When the font is made bigger... It fucks up the flow in my opinion :)... Thanks for the feedback man :thumbup:

Quote:

Originally Posted by .:K:.

...(he learnt fro the mster<)lmfa..

You wish hoebag... Haha... Pz man...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penskills

you have outdone your other OM's..which is amazing

Thanks man! Im proud of this piece... Hopefully it will be accepted for OM of the Month or something... Pz man...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

I'd have liked to know why you liked the sky so much aside from it's outward beauty...

Did you share the sky with someone, is that where you pray to, looking upward?

Yes... Aside from the Sky being beautiful... A share it with my girlfriend... Lying on the grass... Or sitting on a bench... Under the starry Sky... Amazing...
Yes... A pray aswell... Looking upwards... Like most do...
People ive lost... They are in heaven watching over me... Pz man...

Thanks for all the other people who commented... Much appreciated...

Pz...
February 6th, 2004, 12:20 PM
ELEETE

Yo damn free this shit is ill............i love the imagery.......the telling of it was perfect i can almost picture for real..........a true work of art.......really.......good job.......easy to read easy to follow........i like the photographer as well!! good shit!!
February 6th, 2004, 12:46 PM
Chris Black

This was a good read. Very easy to follw. Great flow. Great imagery. This was pretty ill. I've never read you before, but after this, I'll watch for you.

"The Sun collides with the horizon"-illness

"A mingled mass.. Shining array of pin-holes in the canvas of the sky"-the best line. That imagery is incredible. This line was crazy.

Keep up the good work.

Please drop feed in one of the links in my sig.
February 6th, 2004, 12:54 PM
FanTa ZeE

wow, like you swallowed a dictionary or something..that piece was like woah..
I like the Title, it left a blank canvas for your story to unfold, i don't like titles that give everything away.. (most of mine probably do!) it takes the mystery away..i loved it, keep it up, i wish i could say something that would be of more use to you but i guess you'll be satisfied with hearing that it was dope?
February 6th, 2004, 01:16 PM
Baron Mynd

Cool piece ..
.. imagery was prolly its strong point .. seemed to have a sense of what good writing is, though that font size was gay = / .. Photographer verse was the standout, rest had potential there. Needs a little work on flow and multi's to really get it penned down i thought ..

Not bad though. >=)
February 6th, 2004, 02:36 PM
'PercepTion'

--[Flow]---
Flow was ferocious....loved the way ti was stuctured, was on-point, fluent n' consistant throughout the 3 stanza's....& the rhymes were complex, wern't simple, wern't obvious or apparent...

some good rhymes:
"Ever swirling patterns.. Encrypted into the sky.. The cloud
Tatooed masses of vapour...
... Imprinted on the blue background"

"Craning necks leer.. Dumb-struck faces all point upwards
Sharp beams of light pierce...
... And gleam like polished swords"

--[Vocab]--
Vocab was brutal, you had some dope lines in there, n' the vocab added depth and complexity to it....Words were relative, not irrelevant to the piece...helped to visualise the imagry and the picture you were painting.

--[Concept]--
Concept was full of originality, loved the way you portrayed it...imagry [as i said above] was real n' opaque..., but, was it just a piece about how the sky changes or was it mean't as a metaphor...were you praying, lookin' for inspiration, help??

--[Overall]--
Amazing piece, filled with amazin' imagry....Flow as i said was ferocious..., n' the concept was filled with originality n' real emotion...4.8....dope.
February 6th, 2004, 05:32 PM
Meks.

nice piece here....dopeness.....liked your imagery...it was awesome man.... really had my attention with this drop....consistancy and the topic itself was good...fresh....vocab was good....flow was good throughout... prolly ur best OM yet....
good work keep at it...your improving very much so......9/10....
:thumbup:
February 7th, 2004, 07:11 AM
Freeman

Thanks everyone...

To the top with you...

Pz...
February 8th, 2004, 09:27 AM
Freeman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeman

Thanks everyone...

To the top with you...

Pz...

^indeed
February 8th, 2004, 09:41 AM
J.Essen

This was an ill Open Mic. I like how you did the Italic to make it look like a pen writing. Good vocab and wordplay. Keep up the good work.
February 8th, 2004, 04:37 PM
Freeman

Thanks...

And upped
February 9th, 2004, 08:13 AM
Freeman

Same again...
February 9th, 2004, 08:23 AM
Nic Caesar

hmmm... this was ok... didn't really catch my eye at any point... but it was an ok drop... had to force my self... not too ill... but i've seen 10000000000 times worse... no dout... just keep at it... an that one kid be madd dissin you...

Caesar - On3
February 9th, 2004, 08:25 AM
Freeman

You^.. Son... Have no idea what you are talking about... Idiot...

And if you check Open Mic... You will see a diss from me aimed at him...

So once again... Idiot...
February 9th, 2004, 08:28 AM
Nic Caesar

no IDIOT... I never said that u didn't diss back you dumbass... practically putting... the shyt he wrote was nice... nothing further said...

soo once again... IDIOT

Caesar - On3
February 9th, 2004, 08:29 AM
Freeman

Out my thread hoe
February 10th, 2004, 05:00 AM
Freeman

Upping...
February 10th, 2004, 05:28 AM
Reeco

Day...

An inverted orb.. Concave mirror reflecting the paleness of the land
An ever changing mass of colour...
... It is something that is never bland
good contrast
Ever swirling patterns.. Encrypted into the sky.. The cloud
Tatooed masses of vapour...
... Imprinted on the blue background
r u gay?? lol, nice line
Colour so pure.. Smoothness erupts at you from every direction
Such a deep and meaningful blue...
... It is truly perfection
nice close for the first part

Sunset...

The Sun collides with the horizon.. Releasing a magnificent array of beams
Such a sight is unthinkable...
... Not even inside peoples dreams
Really good line, props
Awe inspiring vision.. Such a glorious wonder of the world to behold
Amazing natural brilliance...
... Is something that never could be controlled
ok
Something so wonderful.. A sight that could easily be a mirage of the mind
The horizon and the Sun become as one...
... Light and Dark start become intertwined
shit hot line!!!!!!

Night...

A mingled mass.. Shining array of pin-holes in the canvas of the sky
Beautifully crafted by a master worksman...
... It could bring a tear to your eye
nice
Craning necks leer.. Dumb-struck faces all point upwards
Sharp beams of light pierce...
... And gleam like polished swords
ok, didnt really think upwards and swords worked tho
Affection from the sky.. A message passed down through the night
No matter how glum the face...
... The Sky can fill it with delight
nice end

Once again a nice concept on this spit, which i think you potrayed beutifully. good flow as alway and structure, nice use of words also. keep em cummin!! 9.5/10

PLEASE RETURN THE FAVOUR ON MY BATTLE UNDER MY SIG. DONT JUDGE ME ON HOW I BATTLE IN THIS BATTLE THO, DIDNT TRY HARD AT ALL, COZ I DIDNT NEED TO!!
February 10th, 2004, 08:24 AM
Mantra

The Sky

Wow... your drops are always setting the standard and this one is no different. Stunning imagery and excellent creativity. Nice word selection,
it really helps you visualize.Also flowed very smoothy. Very nice...
keep turnin' em' out..always enjoyable to read. Peace.
February 10th, 2004, 02:32 PM
Freeman

Thank you, you two...

And up we go...

Pz...