The Day The Condom Broke ..

The Day The Condom Broke


.. In relationships, teenagers often take the risk ..
of being faced with kids, when the rubber breaks or splits
.. They embrace & kiss .. it's great and his ..
.. semen's pulsating quick, to taste her lips ..
Giving fate a twist .. it burst the barricade of Latex
.. So much for the apparent term of 'safe' sex ..
A million sperms now racing the final course
.. Along the vaginal walls, where life is born ..
The prize their fighting for, soon clear in sight
.. As the million white cells start veering right ..
Up the felopian tube; as its sides then spread
.. And each sperm looked to fertilise the egg ..
Finally one succeeds .. the racing's through
.. Encased in goo .. He'd found a place in her womb ..
.
.
.
The Female
Recalling the night before, as he touched her breasts
Knowing they'd do nothing less, than succumb to sex
...
That one wave of right, could change her life
She had a Gut feeling .. One that something lay inside
Late that night, she prayed beside her celtic cross
.. Hoping the pregnancy results had tested wrong ..
.
.
.
The Male
Regardless of the previous night, & them being dead close
To the father, she was just another notch on his bed post
Music was his first love .. and his gift in the art
.. to exist with the stars, has them drifting apart ..
He told her flat out: "Girl, if you have the kid ..
.. then goodluck and all, but i wont play dad to it"
.
.
.
The mother spent the next few months juggling her options
& decided when the time came, to put it up for adoption
This was the worst she'd felt. Having to give up her own son
.. But figured it was probably for the best in the long run ..
How wrong she was, the reason this is easy to state's cause
Ive witnessed this first hand. I was the child they gave up.
D'you know how it felt ?.. alone .. scared and worse,
Growing up in a hostle, no clue who your parents were?
Ive no beaming rays of light, Nothing here'll change my mind
They day the condom broke, was the worst day of my life.


Peace.

that was phat
keep doin ur thing
it was real

peace was dope as Shit.....If the nomination thread was still open I'd nominate this shit......metas were great....flow was Dope...rhyme sheeme good.......topic expressed almost life like......FUCKIN SICK keep droppin......10/10

try out for the open mic crew corrupted visions........and if you need a battle crew I lead pen pals.......we'd be glad to have you.........
check out the corrupted visions forum under new crews........
peace

Haha .. kids have no idea.

now i do ^ ..........marac.......still a dope ass piece tho......props

The flow and rhyme scheme fo the first part was ill. The description was vivid. I was really feeling it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lirael One

Regardless of the previous night, & them being dead close
To the father, she was just another notch on his bed post
Music was his first love .. and his gift in the art
.. to exist with the stars, has them drifting apart ..

---

^This part was hot. The part about a notch on the bed post, and music being the first love, could have come right out of my life.(not saying i would abandon my baby's mother though)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lirael One

The mother spent the next few months juggling her options
& decided when the time came, to put it up for adoption
This was the worst she'd felt. Having to give up her own son
.. But figured it was probably for the best in the long run ..
How wrong she was, the reason this is easy to state's cause
Ive witnessed this first hand. I was the child they gave up.
D'you know how it felt ?.. alone .. scared and worse,
Growing up in a hostle, no clue who your parents were?
Ive no beaming rays of light, Nothing here'll change my mind
They day the condom broke, was the worst day of my life.

---

^That part was so fucking ill. Every line was hot. This is definately one of the better pieces I've read. I hope to see more of your work.

Heh .. go check RB Legends nigguh - plenty of my shit in there.

dope baron..

fuckin' right! RB.Com Health Class, presented by Lirael One!

Damnnnn..... that shit was ph@T ....
Like they said everything was right...
The flow, multis, rhyme scheme, EVERYTHING
That was some off the dopest shit I've read on this site yet.
Keep it Up!!!!

James Jr.

very very nice
flow was excellent, vocab was very good, structure was also good,
not really wrong with this, this was very ill, keep droppin

peace

nice piece, yo. nominated for legends, yo

yeah, but y'all replies fucking suck ass bar Archival's = /

good looks on the peepage though.

tight, I'm raising another man's son and I could not live with the thought of him in a home.

holy shit..it's been a loooong time since I've seen something that I'd say is almost flawless....u got the basics down perfectly...and the story u told in this makes perfect sense..the ending gave it a real dark feeling too....this is possibly the best Open Mic I've ever read on this site...keep it up dude, u do audio? cuz u got good flow..

peace

Mah flow touch niggerz in jail cells foooooooool ..

Hello~Mr.Mynd...probaly the best writer on this site...this was dope as usual along with many other works by you..~check out my new OM dream or reality and let me know what you think..I'm curious???..peace...

--[Flow]---
Flow was outragous....reminded me of Immortals in some places, you had a dope rhyme scheme and some dope rhytmical ability, nice internals as well.... :thumbup:

--[Vocab]--
Vocab was nice, liked you complex rhymes, really added some depth into the piece...also, you used a good array of terminology to really tell the tale and expose us to the harsh relality that you were puttin' out.


--[Concept]--
Seemed original..don't think i've seen it done before...you executed it brutally...reall capturing the imagry and vision...

"The prize their fighting for, soon clear in sight
.. As the million white cells start veering right ..
Up the felopian tube; as its sides then spread
.. And each sperm looked to fertilise the egg .."


--[Overall]--
One of the better topics and pieces i've witnessed...4/5....out of curiosity, Are you Baron Mind, just style n' layout is totally similar...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Edge

tight, I'm raising another man's son and I could not live with the thought of him in a home.

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^Dawg, thats not a reply.^

anyway...if you have time:: [Behind The Words]

i'll reply in a sec .. just posting bullshit at RM

Upping.

This is like, a year old ..