Derive vs. Auspicious (TOPICAL)

Topic: Sympathy

Verses Due: Tomorrow
First to 5 votes wins


...Good Luck...

In.
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Sympothy

I was an outsider.. recognition was seldom
a situation that was prior.. to a hope i'd tell them
When those felt mis-guided.. i'd aid them
the service i provided.. didn't phase them
Mind, i didn't.. just glad i was reliable
nothing wrong with it.. but liable
it was the same to me.. alive, but i knew to die
then a man came to me.. w. issues of suicide
gun in his palm.. i soothed his wrong
I remained him calm.. made him feel like he belonged
It wasn't a fake dream.. just confronted life too quick
n' so he thanked me.. n' went home to his wife n' kids
Then I ran into a runaway.. n' the hole he crawled in
i asked him what he done today.. n' his problems
he opened up to me.. told me what he was feeling
Told me what he was s'pose to be.. n' things he found appealing
He didn't want to stay.. in the family he'd fail to be..
though the clouds are gray.. they stay co-ensigned w/ reality
He accepted my advice.. no longer felt broke
"thanks your real nice".. and ventured back home..
crept to a bench, be it vile.. thanked what he had
Looked to the sky, smiled.. n' put the newspaper over his back

No one knew my name.. not that it chastised me
I would remain.. as long as those recognize me..
aiding was worth it.. as long as his spirit were colors
n' it was his sole purpose.. to give his life for others
A late day in the winter.. he'd search leaves n' cans
but got up un-hindered.. to help a troubled man
the man holding a gun.. another suicide case
he started to run.. as he seen the look on his face
His legs ran steady.. at the mis-lead person
i knew he was ready.. n' this time it was urgent
"DONT DO IT!" i yelled.. he jerked his neck
he replied 'I belong in hell.. for things i cant forget..
"Dont waste you life.. whats your name?i've never heard of ya?"
Take my life?.. sir, im a murdera.. (shot at the man)

People wondered.. but lacked the notion
By mid-summer.. they had finally noticed
Men at the funeral who came.. cried drops to there toes
"what was his name".. nobody knows...........

Live For Good Morals, Know The Truth
Instead Of Sympathizing For YourSelf,
Sympathize For Those Who Sympathize For You

checking in...i will have my piece up shortly....good luck

Sympathy


Some take sympathy for granted, others give it without thinking,
while others just dont give it, and slowly there compassions shrinking.
Sympathy is something important, something which should not be takin slightly,
but before thinking of showing sympathy you should stop and think precisely.
Sympathy can bond two people or end an awful thesis,
but sympathy can also break a heart in a million pieces.
Sympathy can tick a bomb inside ones brain, which causes them to cry,
and all you will see is ice cold tears running through ones eyes.


The Never Forgetting Day
I was off for a mourning walk when i was confronted with a stranger across the street,
She looked awfully tired and was struggling hard to get on her feet.
I hurried across the street and quickly helped this lady stand,
She thanked me with a smile, as she held out her hand.
I shook it, and smiled back, then i couldnt help but notice the rag placed across her body,
and i also noticed a shooping cart full of what seemed roody.
I offered her some goods and some temporary shelter until she can get rearanged,
but then i got terribly confused when the expression on her face changed.
She went from gleeful to fully dull, and i saw some tears fall down her face,
she then threw the money at me, and called me a filthy disgrace.
I was terribly confused, and i thought she was inconsiderate,
it was as if i had done something wrong, or maybe this lady was just literate.
She stepped up to me and told me that i had just crushed her heart,
because she wanted to be treaty like everyone else, not like someone apart.
She taught me something that i would never forget, it was as if her spirit had spoken to me,
and that teaching was that you should always think before ever showing Sympathy.


If you dont understand anything i put, then just ask me, ill gladly explain, good luck auspicious...and i hope everyone enjoys.

Lets get some votes..


Story Meaning: You should always know when to show sympathy for ones condition. If its one of your children or your wife or one of your fellow friends or acquaintainces and they are hurt or have gone through a rough time, then yes you can show some sympathy, but for those that are not as lucky as you may be, those who may have some disorders and wanna be treated like everyone else, showing sympathy will just make them feel bad. Treat everyone as the individuals that they are and not by how they may look.

EDIT: Edited some spelling errors...

We both came with different prespectives in this match so it should be interesting to see what the voters say...good luck..


Uppin for votes...

Cmon....dont sleep on this...lets get some votes...

vote auspicious for a MUCH better verse,, better structure,, kept to the subject and a greater use of vocab..
derive;s was stretched,, unimaginitive and basically.....not good enough...

vote- aus

thanks..
more votes?..
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hmmm...uppin.........
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I have to agree with Com on this... except I do see some creativity in your style Derive, I just think you need to focus more on the substance of the topic and not the "keyword" of it (i.e. "sympathy"). I liked both, but Auspicious seems experienced and appears to be a great writer... not just an emcee.

vote goes to Auspicious, nice work. props

We both came with two different prespectives...theres nothing irrellevant about the way i wrote it, it matches the topic, i dont mind any votes agaisnt me, just gotta be clear about all votes.

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Derive.. you're up to 7 ups now. Up again and I'll have to DQ you.

Anyways,

This was a good battle I thought. I thought Derives verse was dope.... but way too basic. Flow was too basic. Auspicious came with it all. He basically took this in every category. Nice flow for Auspicious. Twas a nice overall verse.. Although I've seen better from you. Derive.. First time I've seen your topical.. but you definetly have potential. Keep it up.

V/Auspicious

didnt notice....sorry tok, just that no one ever votes = /.

word i gotta go with auspicicous also because his flow and word usage was directly on point...it gave me a good picture in my head and was more creative...very good from both but thats just my opinion

favorite lines from each.....

he opened up to me.. told me what he was feeling
Told me what he was s'pose to be.. n' things he found appealing
He didn't want to stay.. in the family he'd fail to be..
though the clouds are gray.. they stay co-ensigned w/ reality

^^this was very good its simple but its very creative

She stepped up to me and told me that i had just crushed her heart,
because she wanted to be treaty like everyone else, not like someone apart.

^^^that was nice

vote auspicious (had to edit to put this in)

Aus...I enjoyed reading your piece...structure seemed to stay on target as well as your overall topic ideal....your ending wa heart felt as well as the overall meaning....enjoyed the piece congrats

Derive:Decent piece just seemed liked you went with the easiest way to get a rhyming sentence out....there was one small thing i noticed that you should maybe change in the future

I was off for a mourning walk when i was confronted with a stranger across the street,
She looked awfully tired and was struggling hard to get on her feet.
I hurried across the street and quickly helped this lady stand,

instead of "I hurried across the street and quickly helped this lady stand" You should have put "i hurried across and quicly helped her stand"

not too bad but not worthy of a win

Vote aus

Aside from the fact Aus spelt the word sympathy wrong, he got this.

Derive your story was really nice, but the flow was very choppy at times, and I even got lost in the story line. Aus, your verse flowed amazing and it made me cry (not really). It was very touching, and the imagery was much better than Derives, you're very good at painting a picture. I liked the structure better as well, the short lines made it sound good off my tounge.

Nice topical battle, but Aus comes out on top here. :thumbup: