A day at McDonalds....[Keystyle]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101137
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101444
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101290


LoL, was bored so I just started typing up a basic keystyle about a very special day for me working at McDonalds lmao...not entirely true...but the basic idea is. Something people should be able to relate to lol.



was workin Mickey Dees...Takin orders from the line
When I see dis fly lookin gee...really caught my eye
So I checked my watch...It was my break in a while
So then I hit her the slogan..."we Love 2 see u smile"
Excitement hit my body...As I gazed at her curves....
I asked "Welcome to Mcdonalds...How can u b served?"
she blushed n giggled...so she asked me for my name
My heart tickled as I told her..."friends call me PaYce"
my heart raced as she opened her lips, exposed her hips
And softly asked..."What tyme is your next break Shift??"
She was a true freak...things in my pants started to rise
Felt more heat...than them French Fries...Bein deep fried
looked in a mirror...saw the rear...and baby had back!
tons of fun...Gigantic buns...like ones...on a big mac!
The clock struck 8 o'clock...n my watch started to beep
excitement arose in my cock...as it prepared for defeat
Took her to my back up spot...outside was too cold in fall
and What better place to rock...than in a bathroom stall!
Checked the tyme...8:02...so in 13 my break was over
she went "tyme is against u" so i told her...bend over!
Checked again...8:10...had to be bak...couldn't pass...
So I gave her a thurst...n asked if she wanted fries wit dat
Now I really had to go...I asked her wat she thought of it
She went...Ill be back tomorrow since...Im truly Luvin it!



LoL, i thought it was pretty funny, and added some slogans and stuff here. Dun care wat anybody says lol, dats creative!!! Im talkin bout gettin laid at McDonalds whiel on duty for heavens sake lol.

Anyways, drop sum feedback.

lmfao.....
dat was some funny shit...
u have a similar style 2 me thus provin that u dont need a huge vocab 2 come off raw...
theres really not a lot of bad things that i can say bout dis piece...
it was funny, stuck 2 da point, and your rhyme structure was easy 2 follow...

overall 8.5/10
nice drop
-1-

what can i say, funny shit...sept if the Macdonalds people over here asked me out...i'd grab my MacChicken Premiere and run!

roflmmfao...oh well, i'm probably banned there anyways..yeah, i liked this..funny drop...you worked it!

Thanks for the positive feedback guys...really appreciate it lol. Just tried to make this verse funny, sumthin if I did an audio to...You'd just sit bak n laugh ur head off.

Uppin dis lol

come on guys, dont sleep on dis, drop me sum feedback.

Yo thats some funny as shit......

But i wonder how many young kids on here jacking off to this porn?
Please next time censor it..lol

i liked the story concept and the vocab was aight...
overall: 7/10 for creativity

RORLMMFAO

.... THIS WAS FUNNY AS HELL!.... LMFAO

NICE CONCEPT... AND THE SLOGANS... OH WOW,,,,

GOOD ISH DUNNY

9/10

CAESAR - ON3

Good clean storyline..
Some funny concepts..
A little vocabulairy..
Decent key drop..
Made me giggle a few times..

Lol, that reminded me of the time I was chillin' wit my boy Vasco de Gama. He used too work at McD's, and he was always sticking things in the milkshake machine. One day while he was smoking weed during break he busted dis out:

I drove up to the house about 7 or 8
Said to the Cabbie, yo homes smell ya' later
That's how I came to be the Fresh Prince of McD's

Damn, he was getting high all the time!

this sum funny shit.....props to ya

i saw tha title and thought..."dopeness"......dno why, jus did....
the way you used the companys slogans in ya rhymes was dope and it made me laff......

favourite bar...

Checked the tyme...8:02...so in 13 my break was over
she went "tyme is against u" so i told her...bend over
roflmmfao

shit was funny as hell...........

luvvin da topic and everythin.....
i think that if you used a better vocab then it wouldn't have had the same effect on the laughter......
this a funny piece...........

stay up......................................peace

yo straight piece........had everything down and shit. just had me laughing alot man. thats some fukin funny shit. lol.

Funny and creative. Structure and flow was good. Nice drop.

AHhahahahahsahhahahah SHit man You GOt tha Funniest Style in a good way........this excellent Structure And ya FLow Was ALso Nicely Done man i enjoyed it........when and if ya get 200 or if C.V. Get our own Crew Forum I would Recomend You....buts its really up to Masta C...SO ya Vocab was Good and ya wordplay was also good so keep it dropin.....PeacE.....

uppin for more feedback

ITS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Phoeniix
yo straight piece........had everything down and shit. just had me laughing alot man. thats some fukin funny shit. lol.

---

summed it up

Quote:

---

Originally posted by C-P-U

I drove up to the house about 7 or 8
Said to the Cabbie, yo homes smell ya' later
That's how I came to be the Fresh Prince of McD's

Damn, he was getting high all the time!

---

roflmmao!!!..that killed your whole verse..lmmao..

j/kin..funny shit..I'm gonna rap this to my cousin..he works at Mc.D's..I'm sure he'd laff..I give this a 8/10..:thumbup:

that shit was mad creative. holla

thx for the feedback guys. Yea...I don't have the biggest vocabulary in the world...So i just have 2 try n make my shit funny as I can...and add suprises twists n stuff in der. Too bad nobody is feelin the smaller vocabulary nowadays tho...

yo this shit is funny as hell gettin ass on ya break at Mickey Deez
lmao yo funny shit keep it up....
nice flow n structure easy to read a liked it had me rollin lol

Damn...
*claps*
This was some good shit. It was funny, told a story, great topic, and very creative. I like the "...big buns...likea big mac" line.

_________Good Job On This One!_________

That was fuckin hillarious son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol at this ..

.. it was funny to read, that's about it. The boxed in structure is gay, shows to me you care more about how it looks than the content in it. I'd ditch writing like that. Also, a lot of the rhyming was madd basic, sometimes like .. only two syllables. = / where is the skill in writing anything like that?


I didnt like it.

uppin