Past His Prime

This is my first key.....(im a battle rapper)

He Started Out devistating mics with blasting-synonyms, fast-with- adrineline and matchin-with-benifits/
Lyrically attack with a pen-to-spit that people would spend-to-get as if His pen-was-rich/
In the end-that-splits, it condems-his-fists, to no longer have his palms as a center-stitch/
his flow reprsents blood from when he entered this, he has emotional scars and hes a mental-skitz/
Flames Were shaded to emphasize-his-lead, drawin chains and cages, tourture was played inside-his-head/
Hid mind-was-dead, then his Eyes-squirted-red, his childly innocence was murdered-instead/
His own rhymes would skip'n-insist, that this-is-the-shit, that would be writtin-to-spit/
Now his grave is abrivriated with RIP, contimplating-with-this and his words are his pledge stating-the-5th/

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ostid=1018121\

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post1018135

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post1018148

This was alright i thought.....structure could use some work, cause the lines were stretched out a bit though, just try to shorten them up a bit....you had some good multies through out the piece, liked that...flow was alright...you had some alright vocab as well....keep at it.

uppin kids^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

hmm UPPPPPINNN please som feedbaCK1

OK, here's how it really goes down.......

LISTEN!!!!!!!1....

I blow domes like snow cones
With my mind in the ozone
I'll call you on the telephone
7 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
And then I'll kill you in 7 ways
Your battles are gays
Eat fudge and gespatcho
You got more meat on ya than a taco

THAT'S RIGHT! WHO WANTS SOME!!!!!!!!

The Rapsss.

I was feelin the wordplay on this alot, this shit was a hot ass way to place words to make them go together..I'm giving you props, Elevate

Lyrically attack with a pen-to-spit that people would spend-to-get as if His pen-was-rich/
In the end-that-splits, it condems-his-fists, to no longer have his palms as a center-stitch/
his flow reprsents blood from when he entered this, he has emotional scars and hes a mental-skitz/

This verse was fire

tHANX pLaYa....what crew do you spit with?

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Peanut Head
OK, here's how it really goes down.......

LISTEN!!!!!!!1....

I blow domes like snow cones
With my mind in the ozone
I'll call you on the telephone
7 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
And then I'll kill you in 7 ways
Your battles are gays
Eat fudge and gespatcho
You got more meat on ya than a taco

THAT'S RIGHT! WHO WANTS SOME!!!!!!!!

The Rapsss.

---

^^^^^
Kill your self

....

but ayo dis piece for you first... was decent... just cause it is your First... nice drop kid... keep doin it...

Caesar - On3

Fair drop.......as noted, needs work on your structure and narrowing your lines down a little. Good drop though, especially good for your first. I liked the multies and the wordplay. Keep spittin raw."Peace"

i liked it the structure was a little fucked but good word play and vocab.and the way u fit the words together was interesting.good job keep it up.

Thanx

hmmm...well this is a good piece but nothing out of the ordinary. You are new, so I see some signs of talent. I would rate this overall maybe a 6-6.5/10.

You do use very good vocabulary which is always nice to hear in an emotional piece, but what you lack mainly is the structure as many people above stated. Good use of multiples and excellent flow though. Not bad for a new person to the game.

i see this no doubt

pretty good drop.. i see u got an individual structure seperated from the rest of these kats which is good... 3 multis per line it looks like, ur one of the few kats that even use multis around hurr lol

good drop, nice wording, pretty good multis and a nice structure

keep it up

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101480

^^ RETURN THE FAVOR AND REPLY TO THAT

PEACE YO

this is a decent peice kid.....it has a good topic...and some good multis.....but i think it kinda got worse in the end of the peice b/c it got kind of elementary compared to the first few bars...keep work'n and hopfully u'll elevate to finish out ur peices...

this was some straight shit...likin it...flow was ncie.......bar structure could use some work though...you had some multis....and some nice lines in there...like i said some straight shit

does need work but not a lost cause by no means hit me on pm we will collab one togeather

lots of multi's, made nice flow, but yeh the structure could use some work

Thanx peeps uppin.....

I was feeling this piece man... work on your Grammar and your stucture... A couple of mispelled words as well... but all in all it was really good. With the proper structure I think you have the makings of a really food storyteller... And in Rap that's so very important.... in fact, there are people on RB that I have seen who would love to be able to paint a picture the way you did.

Keep up the good work.
Good Structure = Pleasant Reading (important to remember)

Just My Two Cents - Elevation Is Constant For The Strong!

Some good shit. I liked the comlexity here. I see potential and skill. Good luck to you.

Thanx for the feedback you guys, i thought this would get majorly slept on.....Uppin:thumbup:

still uppin......