Deleted.
Printable View
Deleted.
Don't Sleep Peeps!
*shudders* some misspellings disgusted me (new/knew) and it was another typical bitching female about giving up the na na but i wanted to in as gentlemanly a fashion as possible *wink* to inform u that u are only allowed 2 active posts on the front page so expect this or any of your other poems, 1luv.
uh uuh......
yo....i can't knock on someones feelings....like that one cat did...
its a poem...and a poem expresses how one feels...this was deep.
and can tell u been hurt.....u expressed urself real nice.....and
thats real talk....good job
someone got punked...we all get punked once or twice...nobodys a superpimp playa whatever..what goes around comes around and with all due respect you probaly had something coming you way....like what you wrote about.....
this wasnt bad but id do this more creatively...and its not my rhyme either..and im not a girl....this wasnt bad though besides the mispellings...but if you do this for real your typing dosent mean shit and text does nobody any justice.....
but im about to edit all of your other posts because nobodys supposed to have like six threads on one page...your lyrics will be safe in my email if you keep upping your threads...I wouldnt wanna rhyme your lyrics...but I would like the forum in order...
like the other moderators...
thank you for your time and attention span....
iight
girl poems are a way to vent emotions and pain or whatever you want to get out, and you sure did get it out in this piece. it was almost blinding. although some of the rhymes turned me off it was a bit much sometimes i found, it was covered up with all the emotion and that helped you pull it off.
~Tera~
DONT HATE
***
personaly i thought this was ill, for too long have our beautiful females been stepped on by playas/pimps if you will, regardless of who u pimpin and who u playin u still gonna get pimped and played one day, but them gold diggers do tha same thang so its just a question of personality, keep ya head up girl these playas/pimps aint real, even thought they might be pimpin they aint real,u catch my drift, although this piece was ill though, good imagery, real emotion felt, personal things are tha worse things for somebody to spread, trust is hard to give to someone again after shit like that happens, nice vocab,nice wordplay,good rhyme scheme,and structure, i liked tha endin a lot, keep droppin tha hotness.~1~
Yeah i thought this was a good piece, it was worth the read i thought, it had meaning to it, and i thought you did good at expressing yourself, overall a good piece, keep up the good work.
thank you
"Thought I can trust you and I told you some stuff that no one knows
Next day I get phone calls from my friends, now I know how it goes"
Some good lines. I thought this was average at best. I dislike AABB rhyme scheme for poetry, but it was used nicely because this was more of an Open Mic with the slang and transitions. Flow, meter, was okay to good but the imagery wasn't there. I saw some internals, but they were simple. I felt emotion in this, but this was just another simple love song in my opinion. Please hit up, "The Two-Handed Killer" in my sig. Thanks and Peace.
I liked this piece as well. You had some strong emotion in this and made me feel exactly where you were coming from. The flow wasnt the smoothest, it seemed like you had some lines that were stretched out, but the overall satisfaction from the poem was great. I think the emotion and the clarity alone pulled it off. Nice drop. Peace.
yea i need to work on poetic flow...
Dimez some real strong emotion in this piece. Although your vocab had some misspellings im not going to complain nobodys perfect. But you had a nice description and you ended up with a nice piece. 7-10
Thanx Foreshadow!.. Ima take the advise...
In all honesty.....it was good that you wanted to express what happened. I could see what you wanted to say but I think there were a few things that needed worked on.
I'm not going to say anything about the spelling (like Foreshadow said nobody's perfect), the flow could have been smoother and structure should have been a lil more set up.
Besides that, your vision and ideas were definetly there and it helped make up where you dropped in other places. Keep it up though, emotions are great for pieces but make sure they don't write the piece for you...cause sometimes it will overwhelm the reader.
Keep up the good work!
:thumbup:
gee guys
the feedbacks just a bit DELAYED
this shit is older than my RB career
ROFL
Ey Lady D
wut up?
Illusions that was good feedback and I appreciate the fact that you understand my emotions, thank you!
Synistar at least its getting feedback now, dont matter how old it was.
nice poem I was feelin the emotion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!great job!!!!!