Crew Battle: Laureate (I.J.L.) vs. Baron P. Mortuus (T.N.L.) - Topical/Poetry

Agree on line limit
Normal battle rules apply
Drop dope and good luck to both crews
Both verses are due by midnight pacific this Friday (2/16)

Choose your topic:
Kodak Moment
Poker Face
Some Regrets or No Regrets
Goodbye My Lover
The Rabbit Hole
Public Transport
All's Fair in Love and War
The Good the Bad...
Ignorance is Bliss
Everyone Dies
Thoughts of an Artist
War of Words
The End of a New Beginning
Your on your death bed thinking of your life and how you lived it...
My Life and Times..



....

Yup G/L to Laurete...Check in like i saw a prize.

good luck man .

Thoughts of an Artist: My Life and Times

http://img107.imageshack.us/img107/2...titled2pi5.jpg
Peeling scabs feeling the smoke from every drag
I work up a tantrum, kneeling sad shuffling the bag
nonsense beats made boxed & ribboned with rags
Scratching sagged ceilings, I see dancing fags
pretty pink bodied, by bodied glad-rags- they move
dipping under low ceilings, afro man- a 70’s groove
they abuse the welcome but the shuffling continues
trying to lose themselves in shelves housing BB blues
I feel melancholic on the chronic leafs puffing high
getting a high, so I- can enter escapism dancing goodbye
to failure, to success- a loss of a test was to test the best
only to learn were as bad as the rest, I jolt up nevertheless
what’s past is the past, I moonwalk back to the future last
technology made techno a blast, robotizing motions has
created new symphonies, natural products of bodies, pass
the glass- containing liquor to take me to mars so he asks
“Flower power is really about flowers right?” right I reply
“It’s about nature that lies beneath where our feet guide,
us to dance”- glance back to the 90’s ruled by trance
A-Team were macho in America but puffs in France
It’s the thoughts of an artist- misty by countless nights
drinking alcohol to revive a state that declined with fights
amount less rights bended to make room for a vice- lights
mock my little room, smock covers her brittle bones
clocks corrode her dune- of beats made by digital phones
minimal foam- used to cover up the gramophone it’s hard
not to remember our glory days, memories covered in garbs
http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/1...titled1gl6.jpg
They can’t take away what we once were, so they take our courage
discouraged we forage through paper ads, mortgaged what we had
believing the time will return, last night we burned death in turn
to carry today an old band members ashes housed in a regular urn.

Thoughts of an Artist


http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-11/500360/brain.JPG
I’m going to open my mind the only way I know how
Really, here I go, watch, just…

Watch…
The conflict of interest from business afflictions
to witness the bridges between the past and the living
the condemned and forgiving, abomination of faith
sporadic hate mixed with fate projects a lifeless waste
Make haste! The ingredients are thrown from above
As I wonder how to create what I’ve never heard of
Daydreaming of darkness, and nightmares I find
To the eyes of the visionaries frozen in time, so

Gaze…
upon the fragile frame of a weathered imagination
convulsing in the breezes created by death’s snicker
The bickering of demons cast by hell’s flicker
and the Devil’s nation rises to the occasion
Splattered hope dispatches constellations on white
as rats connect the dots on the falling tear drops
you can’t slap a price on the ones time forgot
As night entices fright to come out of the light

Because…
Life is random in tandem with fate everlasting
and the mind of a poet grips the enchanting
The steaming of breath rising up to the sky
Gods and angles alike, breathe the same air as I
Sever the strings attached to deception and lies
To the invisible it’s critical not to be outlined
Alas, the thoughts of this Artist are humbled at best
All pouring out at once through this hole
In my head…

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-...ot_to_head.jpg

well on the real i gotta go with Luareate on this one

he came out strong with those first for line the way they flowed the multis and the pure poetic use of the vocabulary hooked me in the moemnt i started eading it imagery was strong and basically the whole pice was very impressive

Baron
as you said you ave been off this was a good piece but laureate came much harder you came strong too but you took an inside the box approach to laureates outside the box one and it just seemed way harder to get into o your but i still enjoyed it

V/ laureate

good battle

Vote .

Yup.

Damn good battle @ both..

Baron...your piece had a good feel to it...but you really didn't grasp me as well as Laureate's did...I have seen much better from you...and seeing that you were battlin Laureate I thought you'd come harder than that...still good but not good enough..

Laureate.....your piece grasped my attention right from the start and had me anxious to hear what was next...you were very descriptive...as I envisioned everything mentioned from jump...I loved this piece....it seemed very emotional...

v-Laureate for above reasons...

Baron your verse was cool, it had a respectable flow to it although I read better from you, your topic was pretty original and I liked the theme you choses and the picture really put emphaises on your imagery, although I belive some of the words you choses was it bit bold and forced at times, you should've used smaller more simple words for this piece it'll made you flow alot smoother, the imagery was pretty good I was able to capture what you were tring to convey with in your verse, its just emotional wise I wasn't really getting the gistt of what you were tring to make me feel, your vocabulary was good and pretty vivid at times it's just your wording could've been a bit better I think a thin structure would've went best with this piece instead of the wide spread structure you chosen same as i said with the emotion I just wasn't really catching the atmosphere of this piece, your meta's were good, this was a overall good/okish piece, its jus wasn't one of my favored piece's from you.

Laureate - you topicals are pretty dope I also liked your take and topic of choice you went for the whole death and gory type theme, although I wish you could be more versitile when it comes to chosing topics because this was pretty cliche coming from you all your piece's tend to have this whole blues/emo thing going for it, your storyline was pretty nice although I wish this could've been longer and you could've went on about each section longer so the writter and the character can actualy bond maybe even some dialog in this would've made this dam there perfect, your imagery was nice I enjoyed it, although you didn't stay on the subject for too long your persisive vocabualry influenced a image that I got caught up in, your emotion was actually better than the imagery itself you used the right words to capture a persons emotion, you weren't so uptight and ish about the way you went about this piece, your meta's were pretty much on point you had a nice smooth flow going through out this piece, I really understood and felt the atmosphere in this piece you were tring to sell to me, overall nice piece, although i wih the ending wasn't so dam cliche I mean you could've went a little more depper than that bold ass ending you gave us i mean the whole piece was nice/dope intill the end you went all noobish on me, pfft.

v/laureate - he was more comfortable and flowed anlot more freely and wasn't afraid to express himself he made this feel like a really personal piece and i enjoy thoses types his wording was anlot better than barns too.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318052 - laureate please hit this link..

vote up guys .

Yup.

Okay, laur gets me vote.

Reason: paks flow was very awkward throughout, also his story was jumbled, it just seemed more like a rant than a story... which is cool, but not what i was looking for from the topic... Where as laur came with an actual story, and told it rather well actually... it reminded me alot of my writting in the sense it was pretty graphic on the gore, but i don't think you've quite reached my level of insanity yet dude lol... laur had a well written piece, good word use through-out and overall a better piece, just through keeping me interested. although i was a little dissapointed with the end. It seemed a little cliche, i would have liked a little more ddescription befor it got to that. but good read man.

vote, leave links .